This dustup among tarty attention seeking pop music singers is working out pretty well. It’s kind of like a battle of the bands between girls with no specific musical talent. So they’re just flashing their tits and ass instead. Which is automatically much better than any battle of the bands ever. Say what you will about Miley Cyrus (chinchilla face comes to mind, though that is gratuitous) but she’s raised the bar for getting noticed. Don’t be surprised to see Rihanna with a strap-on in her next music video or Kesha licking a Great Dane’s nut sac. This is how escalation works. Also, mutually assured destruction. Thankfully, there are always more girls.
Photo Credit: Rihanna/Instagram
Rihanna almost died this weekend when she decided to play with a deadly endangered Loris in Thailand. A Loris is a tiny endangered primate that looks like a friendly Ewok but is really a vicious killer. Like many hookers in Thailand, the Loris can secrete a deadly toxin through their elbows which they then use in a shock inducing bite. Any animal that can kill you with its elbows is an animal you want to be wearing on your shoulder for a selfie. Rihanna posed with the beast and then Instagrammed the picture. This pissed a lot of people off. The men who took the picture were quickly arrested for keeping an endangered animal and putting Rihanna’s life in danger. Rihanna was forced to sign autographs for two hours with people who couldn’t pronounce her name. The Loris went back to being the koala bears’ bad- ass cousin.
Always the classiest lady at the party, Rihanna left her hotel in London yesterday looking like she stole the curtains from a restaurant at Epcot and showing off her new gift from Vivienne Westwood – a purse with a giant gold penis on the side. Naturally, because she doesn’t give a shit, Rihanna held the purse in front of her crotch and behaved like men typically do, by sticking her tongue and waving her penis around. Of course, she left out the part where we blow a load and fall asleep. Nice try, Rihanna, but no points for accuracy.
(Photo Credits: Rihanna’s Instagram)