Time to Save Africa Again With a Crappy Song (VIDEO)

By Lex November 17, 2014 @ 10:07 AM

Every five to ten years, Bono and Gay Beethoven and Bob Geldof and whoever’s hot in the British pop music scene spend another few hours re-recording the exact same fucking song to cure the latest African hardship. It started thirty years ago with Band Aid’s Do They Know It’s Christmas?, an ensemble recording designed to heal Ethiopia of being one super crappy place to live. Fifty million radio plays later, Ethiopia is still a shit hole. For Band Aid 30, it’s Ebola. The boys from One Direction are determined to snuff it out. They changed ‘feed the world’ to ‘heal the world’ which is short for can somebody please fucking buy the Congo some indoor plumbing already. If Ebola was feeling perhaps a bit over-confident what with Obama offering it red carpet welcomes in the U.S, and the fact that half of Sierra Leone still sees diarrhea as a potable liquid, this new Band-Aid recording ought to send shivers down its viral spine. You’re done, Ebola. This song cured famine in sub-Saharan Sudan, turned Haiti into a thriving economic juggernaut, and it’s going to flush Ebola right down Santa’s crapper.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Rita Ora’s New Clothes Seem Well Stitched

By Lex September 08, 2014 @ 8:56 AM

Rita Ora Rips Pants Exposes Thong In London
Here’s something you don’t want to happen during the debut of your Adidas signature clothing line. Your relaxation wear pants split right down the ass line during your first deep knee bend. Rita Ora’s got a decent body. If your standard American or British woman dons those leggings, those seams aren’t making it past the first Shoney’s waffle breakfast. Rita’s Adidas clothing line is meant to capitalize on the trend of young female music stars wearing tracksuits perfectly constructed in laboratories to fit their freakishly modified body parts. As with all department store clothing lines, it will be used by less physically active women to hide their imperfections. In which case I’d highly recommend pants that don’t give the appearance that a cockroach is about to scurry into your rectum.

Photo Credit: Fame Flynet, Pacific Coast News

Kim Kardashian Hates Rita Ora Right Down to the Nipples

By Lex September 04, 2014 @ 2:27 PM

Rita Ora In A Tight Low Cut One Piece In London
Kim Kardashian demanded that VMA seating officials move her seat away from Rita Ora in the audience. According to one of eleven thousand people who work for Kim keeping her ass from going critical, Kim blames Rita for being a horrid girlfriend to Rob Kardashian and turning him into a whining fat sack of sock designing potato starch. You know, as opposed to the alternate theory that Rob was fucked up by a Brentwood whoring mom who turned her bastard and non-bastard daughters into the Tijuana donkey show version of the Von Trapp family. Maybe it’s both. Or just the fact that Rita Ora looked like a million fucking bucks the night of the VMAs while Kim looked like the Croation sex slave they stow in container ship galleys to keep the ornery crew members from stabbing each other to death on pan-Pacific voyages. Kim’s seat got moved before anyone had the chance to ask why the hell she was even at a video music awards show.

Photo Credit: Splash

Iggy Azalea Knows Shit

By Lex September 01, 2014 @ 12:11 PM

Iggy-Azalea-Made-in-America-02
There’s nothing more American than Labor Day. It might be an international trade union event that morphed into communism and the world’s worst parades ever, but it’s still the day we close all the public pools sending the pedophiles back into the classrooms and Fed-Ex Kinko’s. Nothing says U.S.A. like some British chick and an Australian chick with a big fake ass at a Made in America concert in Los Angeles. They did a lot of pretending to make out and feel each other up, which I appreciate. You can’t auto-tune fake lesbian stage antics. Within this decade Labor Day will be swapped out for a holiday about turning off your air-conditioning so that marmosets won’t go extinct. Enjoy it now, comrades. America, Fuck Yeah.

Photo credit: INF Photos

Rita Ora Shows Off Her Cleavage With Chrissy Teigen At The Launch Of DKNY MYNY Fragrance In New York

By Lex August 20, 2014 @ 10:12 AM

Rita Ora Shows Off Her Cleavage At The Launch Of DKNY MYNY Fragrance In New York

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Rita Ora Shows Off Her Booty In Mesh Pants At The Summertime Ball In London

By Lex June 23, 2014 @ 12:27 PM

Rita Ora Shows Off Her Booty In Mesh Pants At The Summertime Ball In London

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Pacific Coast News