By Lex June 25, 2015 @ 8:57 AM
Rita Ora claims her confidence and bravado are too much for the men she dates and often sends them running. Who has she dated? Calvin Harris, the wonderfully coiffed electronica DJ and Rob Kardashian. I don’t know how to describe him. Not formidable. There remains the option of dating men who don’t reflexively curl up into a protective womb ball at the first hint of nanny’s perfume. It’s okay to date weak men, but you’re going to need to learn how to prop them up in public. You don’t point out that your guy is wearing girl knickers in front of others. You drop hints about how sore you are from his randy manliness while giving him the glance to let him know later on he’s cleaning out the lint traps with his junk in clamp. Ask Rob’s mom if you need more specific advice. Love alone is not enough. Nice tits.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex January 13, 2015 @ 10:41 AM
Nothing says my music is ass like just showing off your ass. Fuck, if you could sing through those things I’d download a song or too. The gross levels of sexualization of pop music is tremendous evolutionary step forward. Why can’t I fap to a little ass or a chick in a cheerleader outfit while girls struggling with their teen identities pay for the music? The objectification of women is only a problem when it’s not throwing off cash.
Photo Credit: Instagram/TerryRichardson
By Lex December 26, 2014 @ 12:59 PM
Photo Credit: Instagram/Twitter
By Lex November 17, 2014 @ 10:07 AM
Every five to ten years, Bono and Gay Beethoven and Bob Geldof and whoever’s hot in the British pop music scene spend another few hours re-recording the exact same fucking song to cure the latest African hardship. It started thirty years ago with Band Aid’s Do They Know It’s Christmas?, an ensemble recording designed to heal Ethiopia of being one super crappy place to live. Fifty million radio plays later, Ethiopia is still a shit hole. For Band Aid 30, it’s Ebola. The boys from One Direction are determined to snuff it out. They changed ‘feed the world’ to ‘heal the world’ which is short for can somebody please fucking buy the Congo some indoor plumbing already. If Ebola was feeling perhaps a bit over-confident what with Obama offering it red carpet welcomes in the U.S, and the fact that half of Sierra Leone still sees diarrhea as a potable liquid, this new Band-Aid recording ought to send shivers down its viral spine. You’re done, Ebola. This song cured famine in sub-Saharan Sudan, turned Haiti into a thriving economic juggernaut, and it’s going to flush Ebola right down Santa’s crapper.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex September 08, 2014 @ 8:56 AM
Here’s something you don’t want to happen during the debut of your Adidas signature clothing line. Your relaxation wear pants split right down the ass line during your first deep knee bend. Rita Ora’s got a decent body. If your standard American or British woman dons those leggings, those seams aren’t making it past the first Shoney’s waffle breakfast. Rita’s Adidas clothing line is meant to capitalize on the trend of young female music stars wearing tracksuits perfectly constructed in laboratories to fit their freakishly modified body parts. As with all department store clothing lines, it will be used by less physically active women to hide their imperfections. In which case I’d highly recommend pants that don’t give the appearance that a cockroach is about to scurry into your rectum.
Photo Credit: Fame Flynet, Pacific Coast News
By Lex September 04, 2014 @ 2:27 PM
Kim Kardashian demanded that VMA seating officials move her seat away from Rita Ora in the audience. According to one of eleven thousand people who work for Kim keeping her ass from going critical, Kim blames Rita for being a horrid girlfriend to Rob Kardashian and turning him into a whining fat sack of sock designing potato starch. You know, as opposed to the alternate theory that Rob was fucked up by a Brentwood whoring mom who turned her bastard and non-bastard daughters into the Tijuana donkey show version of the Von Trapp family. Maybe it’s both. Or just the fact that Rita Ora looked like a million fucking bucks the night of the VMAs while Kim looked like the Croation sex slave they stow in container ship galleys to keep the ornery crew members from stabbing each other to death on pan-Pacific voyages. Kim’s seat got moved before anyone had the chance to ask why the hell she was even at a video music awards show.
Photo Credit: Splash