The Tits Of The VMAs

By Lex August 31, 2015 @ 11:48 AM

Miley Cyrus 2015 MTV VMAS
Nothing says pay no attention to the crappy music in the background like taped up, strung up, and largely revealed tits. Stop looking at my cold sores. Have you seen my tits? Last nights VMAs set a new record for tits. Singers showed off their tits. Actresses showed off their tits. Whatever Chrissy Teigen is showed off her tits. Britney Spears tits were so dominant hardly anybody noticed Kuato emerging from her knees. Who dies next on MTV? Nobody with tits if everything is running smoothly.

Photo Credit: Getty

Rita Ora Sheer Top With Pasties

By Lex August 28, 2015 @ 11:55 AM

Rita Ora Sheer Top With Pasties
Pasties have become big again as bras have disappeared and pop stars don’t want to lose their consumer brand advertisers. Pasties were first invented to make you wonder why you ever agreed to spend money in a Florida strip club. You can use pink hearts, yellow moons, or orange stars, you’re still fucking up what could’ve been a wonderful evening. Why did I pay $80 to see Rita Ora in concert again? No, not the fabulous stage decorations. Where do I go to get my dignity back?

Photo Credit: Getty

Rita Ora Abandons Feminism

By Lex August 11, 2015 @ 10:42 AM

Rita Ora Topless Covered Glamour
Rita Ora is being accused of abandoning feminism because she collaborated with Chris Brown on her new single. It’s not clear that Rita Ora was a feminist in the first place, but the charge of abandoning feminism is still a handy go-to. Rather than apologize, Ora doubled down by comparing Chris Brown to the best of mankind:

I see how he treats his people and he’s a good person with a good heart and a lovely family.

Previously, Ora has mentioned how highly she thinks of Chris Brown and how she’s loved him on ‘many different levels’. I’m going to guess cock is one of those levels. Also financing and distribution support. An army of Brave Internet Warriors took to social media to decry the outrage, while an even larger army purchased her crappy single featuring Brown, allowing the major parties involved to buy awesome amounts of cocaine and fuck like rabbits in a two story penthouse at the Four Seasons. It’s hard to say who the winners and losers are here, unless you’re being honest.

Photo Credit: Glamour/Instagram

Rita Ora Nip Slip In Paris

By Lex July 09, 2015 @ 8:40 AM

Rita Ora Nip Slip In Paris
Two things happen at Fashion Week. Wealthy people on SSRI’s exchange absurdist level of details concerning clothes. And the small number of straight dudes in attendance wait for famous chicks to flash their nipples because nobody who is anybody who is getting paid to be in Paris is wearing undergarments. I spy Rita Ora. I’ve seen her nipples more than my last two girlfriends combined. One of them had three, so I’m referring to total viewings, not per nipple averages. She has the confidence of a young woman with nice breasts. You can see my tits? Why don’t you take a picture? It will last longer. I’m not being snarky, take a picture. I’ll show you how to upload it to Twitter and I’ll retweet it. My tits are fabulous. I made five million last year. You wear the bra, weirdo. This is fun.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet/PacificCoastNews

Rita Ora Intimidates Men

By Lex June 25, 2015 @ 8:57 AM

Rita Ora Extreme Sideboob In NYC
Rita Ora claims her confidence and bravado are too much for the men she dates and often sends them running. Who has she dated? Calvin Harris, the wonderfully coiffed electronica DJ and Rob Kardashian. I don’t know how to describe him. Not formidable. There remains the option of dating men who don’t reflexively curl up into a protective womb ball at the first hint of nanny’s perfume. It’s okay to date weak men, but you’re going to need to learn how to prop them up in public. You don’t point out that your guy is wearing girl knickers in front of others. You drop hints about how sore you are from his randy manliness while giving him the glance to let him know later on he’s cleaning out the lint traps with his junk in clamp. Ask Rob’s mom if you need more specific advice. Love alone is not enough. Nice tits.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Rita Ora And Charli XCX Seem Musically Gifted

By Lex January 13, 2015 @ 10:41 AM

Rita Ora And Charli XCX Show Off Bootys In Sneak Peak Of New Video
Nothing says my music is ass like just showing off your ass. Fuck, if you could sing through those things I’d download a song or too. The gross levels of sexualization of pop music is tremendous evolutionary step forward. Why can’t I fap to a little ass or a chick in a cheerleader outfit while girls struggling with their teen identities pay for the music? The objectification of women is only a problem when it’s not throwing off cash.

Photo Credit: Instagram/TerryRichardson