Twilight Fans Are Racist And Shit Around The Web

By Jack September 29, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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The 14-year-old obese girls and closeted men who love Twilight are attacking Robert Pattinson’s new beard because she’s black. He’s “dating” the stupidly named FKA Twigs and Twilight fans have been harassing her with racist comments. It’s always sad when the ugliness of racism arises for no apparent reason. It’s slightly less sad when a Twilight fan dies horribly.

Read all about the Twilight haters hatin’. (Dlisted)

Hey, look! Ashley Benson and Shay Mitchell are kissing. (Drunken Stepfather)

And, lest we forget, Jessie J also has a booty. (Hollywood Tuna)

Kelly Brook is single, fellas. (The Superficial)

If strippers got naked at all games I might actually watch soccer. Might. (Busted Coverage)

Yes, I’m sexually attracted to female Thor. (Fox News)

Beyonce accidentally shows everyone her bra. Whoopsie! (Huffington Post)

Robert Pattinson Is Banging Elvis’ Granddaughter

By Lex July 03, 2013 @ 12:02 PM

Riley Keough At The 2013 Tribeca Film Festival In New York
I’ll say this for that chaffing sob monkey Robert Pattinson. Beneath all the emo, he’s still a dude. So when the spoiled brat love of his life goes and cheats on him in a messy public scandal, he does what any immature but semi-inspired man would do. He goes and bangs her friend. In this case, Riley Keough. He’s lucky Kristen had some hot friends. I’ve been there before when the revenge options are a little more daunting. Pride demands you still get in there, but it can be a challenge.

Here’s a bunch of pictures of actress Riley Keough. I don’t know much about her except she’s Elvis’ granddaughter, Kristen Stewart’s good friend, and now she’s got a mope of a method actor on top of her four nights a week trying to hold back his tears.

Photo Credit: Getty, WENN

Leonardo DiCaprio Will Get Robert Pattinson Laid

By Travis June 11, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Being Leonardo DiCaprio’s friend has to be the greatest thing in the world. Not only does the guy throw lavish topless supermodel orgy yacht parties on random days of the week and invite guys who swim in their t-shirts like Jonah Hill, but now he’s playing therapist to Robert Pattinson, who has become Hollywood’s mopiest putz.

Ever since Robert dumped Kristen Stewart for good, he has apparently been a total whiny bitch and Leo’s had about enough of it. According to the Sun, Leo called him up, told him to cut this shit out and move to Miami, where the two will be neighbors and trade horny models like cupcake recipes.

In what must have been the toughest decision in the history of mankind, Robert has reportedly agreed to give it a shot as soon as Leo returns from Europe, where he was probably sampling the latest batch at his 18-year old blonde model cloning farm.

(Photo Credit: Getty)

Love Is Dead: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Break Up

By Jack May 20, 2013 @ 1:23 PM

Robert Pattinson has reportedly once again broken up with Kristen Stewart. Sources are saying the unnecessarily intense young actor couple had been fighting a lot, presumably about which one of them is more catastrophically boring and can gin up more fake contempt for commercial society. You’ll recall that last year they broke the hearts of tweens, obese women, and boys who wear eyeliner everywhere when they split because Stewart was getting the old Hi-Ho down low from her Snow White and the Huntsman director.  Chances are they’ll get back together again because they are both too annoying in real life to find anyone else who will hang out past the conclusion of sex.

Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart Are Still Boring

By Travis May 13, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Whether or not Kristen Stewart’s schedule being mostly wide open for the immediate future has to do with her affair with her Snow White director Rupert Sanders is unknown, but because she’s so incredibly boring and annoying to look at, it’s just fun to assume that’s the reason. Meanwhile, Robert Pattinson and his forehead have several movies coming up, so instead of leaving Kristen behind to damage any other marriages, Robert is taking her with him to Cannes for his promotional duties this year.

And when they’re done with work, Hollywood’s blandest couple will head to Provence, France, where they will tour some vineyards and camp in the chateaus because they want to experience “normal living”, according to The Sun.

I don’t like to wish violence or pain on anyone, but if someone in or around those chateaus were to “accidentally” let some starving bears or tigers or alligators into the area that Robert and Kristen are camping at, they might earn some big cool points.

(Photo Credit: WENN.com)

Kristen Stewart says she never slept with Rupert Sanders

By brendon September 27, 2012 @ 7:16 PM

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When it came out that Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson with Rupert Sanders, and especially when she gave that horribly awkward public apology, everyone assumed she actually had sex with him. Or at least I did because she’s high all the time and girls like that have lots of random sex.

But now it seems that might not be the case, at least according to the two people who have every reason to lie about it.

“Kristen and Rupert both told their respective partners that they didn’t actually have sex,” a source close to the situation tells Radar. “Kristen was absolutely steadfast that she only engaged in several make-out sessions with Rupert but never slept with him. Rob didn’t believe her in the beginning but as time wore on he accepted her explanation. Kristen has given Rob passwords to her voicemail and e-mail account to prove she has nothing to hide and will do anything to get his trust back.”

Oohh, so she’s dingy looking, cheats and grovels with no dignity whatsoever? Yeah, don’t let her get away Rob, she’s a real catch.