Robert Patterson Drying His Tears on Katy Perry

If you wanted to make your ex jealous you should have dated Katy Perry right after Kristen. Katy Perry looks down to do everything Kristen wouldn’t in bed. She’s even into girls too and looks like the type that’s all too eager to share.  read more

Robert Pattinson Pilfering Porn Dealer

Say what you want about Robert Pattinson, but I’ve got to hand it to him. When his lesbian girlfriend cheated on him in broad daylight, he at least had the cojones to dump her ass.  read more

T-Pain Commits Cardinal Sin

T-Pain not so considerately joked that Robert Pattinson had proposed to the over accessorized avatar who calls herself FKA Twigs. A tear ridden conversation no doubt ensued once she heard the news as she proceeded to continuously ask if this was because of her thighs.... read more

FKA Twigs Seems Super Interesting

Robert Pattinson's flail wielding Road Warrior girlfriend posed naked for V Magazine. How does this bitch travel? I find it a pain in the ass to take my belt off at Airport Security, let alone remove a stud from my perineum. FKA Twigs' name is Tahliah. A fine name for a... read more

FKA Twigs in a Bikini

As far as beards go, you could do worse than picking a pubescent looking chick with a childish stage name. Outside of asking for money to go to the mall, she's mostly going to leave you alone to work on your acoustic guitar riffs and snapchats with Hugh Jackman about the... read more

Twilight Fans Are Racist And Shit Around The Web

The 14-year-old obese girls and closeted men who love Twilight are attacking Robert Pattinson's new beard because she's black. He's "dating" the stupidly named FKA Twigs and Twilight fans have been harassing her with racist comments. It's always sad when the ugliness of... read more

Robert Pattinson Is Banging Elvis' Granddaughter

I'll say this for that chaffing sob monkey Robert Pattinson. Beneath all the emo, he's still a dude. So when the spoiled brat love of his life goes and cheats on him in a messy public scandal, he does what any immature but semi-inspired man would do. He goes and bangs... read more

Leonardo DiCaprio Will Get Robert Pattinson Laid

Being Leonardo DiCaprio's friend has to be the greatest thing in the world. Not only does the guy throw lavish topless supermodel orgy yacht parties on random days of the week and invite guys who swim in their t-shirts like Jonah Hill, but now he's playing therapist to ... read more

Love Is Dead: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Break Up

Robert Pattinson has reportedly once again broken up with Kristen Stewart. Sources are saying the unnecessarily intense young actor couple had been fighting a lot, presumably about which one of them is more catastrophically boring and can gin up more fake contempt for... read more

Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart Are Still Boring

Whether or not Kristen Stewart's schedule being mostly wide open for the immediate future has to do with her affair with her Snow White director Rupert Sanders is unknown, but because she's so incredibly boring and annoying to look at, it's just fun to assume that's the... read more

Kristen Stewart says she never slept with Rupert Sanders

When it came out that Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson with Rupert Sanders, and especially when she gave that horribly awkward public apology, everyone assumed she actually had sex with him. Or at least I did because she's high all the time and girls like that... read more

Kristen Stewart is wearing Robert Patinsons clothes again

WEIRD: Kristen Stewart was wearing Robert Pattinsons clothes two weeks ago, about a month after they broke up because she cheated on him. XTRA WEIRD: She did it again yesterday, wearing one of his shirts to LAX. "THIS BITCH IS INSANE": These are the only two times she's... read more