Rolling Stone Rape Retracts

By Lex April 06, 2015 @ 10:47 AM


Rolling Stone took great care in its editorial process after its big frat gang rape on UVA campus story published last November turned out to be a shit pail of unchecked facts. They took slightly less care in deciding to print the article in the first place. Nobody wanted to be last with their scathing sexual assault on campus article. That’d look shitty at your SoHo industry mixers.

The original article by the trice named Sabrina Rubin Erdely told the tale of “Jackie”, a UVA student who was lured into a frat house party by a Freshman, taken upstairs, restrained, and gang raped by seven Greek brothers. It fit ever so perfectly into the hysteria surrounding White House reports that 1 in 1 girls on college campus were being sexually assaulted by millions of dudes who only took the SAT so they could rape amok at the next level. It turned out Jackie was lying about most all if not all of the facts, there was no party that night at the frat house, she didn’t report her assault to a bunch of friends, and the lack of police followup was mostly because nothing had happened in the first place.

Rolling Stone magazine hired the Columbia University School of Journalism to come in and spank the shit out of their crappy editorial standards. The University concluded:

The way the magazine reported, edited and vetted the article is a story of journalistic failure that was avoidable. Failure encompassed reporting, editing, editorial supervision and fact-checking.

Spelling and grammar seemed to be spot on. The author’s article called her completely unprofessional hit piece on the frat house “unfortunate” and the Columbia report to be humbling. Erdley declared she had certainly learned her lesson and that all future fake rape stories would be much better concealed. Rolling Stone editor Will Dana posted a truly heartfelt apology and officially retracted the story. Owners of Rolling Stone declared that neither Dana or lying reporter chick would be fired since who hasn’t published a 10,000 word bogus rape story before. Also because their attorneys likely informed them how admitting your employees are fuck-ups will look in the certain civil trial to come.

In the end, we are left with but a lesson. The rape culture has many victims. If a few back fires have to burn a few innocent guys alive in order to quell the large conflagration, that’s a small price. When you’re under fire for a sexual assault you did not commit, just remind yourself, you’re now part of the solution, not the problem. It’ll give purpose to your ruined life.

Photo credit: Rolling Stone magazine

Julia Louis-Dreyfus Is One Tit Away from Perfection

By Lex April 09, 2014 @ 2:41 PM

Julia Louis-Dreyfus Nude And Covered On For The April 2014 Issue Of Rolling Stone
Almost 238 years after our founding and America is still afraid of tits. I’m not sure what it is about women’s breasts that scare the shit out of so many people. Yeah, I was wary of them too until about fourteen when I touched my first and realized they weren’t going to send me straight to Beezelbub’s cauldron, at least not immediately. At worst, you got a slap across the face. Maybe put in the punishment shed if she was a close relative. But we stand together with Iran and some other fucked up backwards places in thinking tits will cause us all to be set ablaze in hellfire. Bare asses seem to be okay now. I guess that’s in one of the more recently revised versions of the Good Book.

Photo Credit: Rolling Stone

Miley Cyrus Strips Down In Rolling Stone

By Lex September 24, 2013 @ 12:51 PM

Miley Cyrus Strips Down In The October 2013 Issue Of Rolling Stone
Miley Cyrus knows how to commit. For her Rolling Stone interview she got the words ‘Rolling Stone’ tattooed onto the bottom of her feet. That’s so fucking punk. Then taking off her top and grabbing her own tit. I don’t know, more fucking punk. Anybody who thought Miley Cyrus was just a manufactured pop music star twerking lyrics to her brilliant music, wake the fuck up. This girl is breaking barriers. She’s also noticing some very unfair shit.

“It was a lot of ‘Miley twerks on Robin Thicke,’ but never, ‘Robin Thicke grinds up on Miley.’ They’re only talking about the one that bent over. So obviously there’s a double standard.” — Miley Cyrus to Rolling Stone.

She’s so right. Why does the one who gets bent over always suffer the consequences of cultural stigma, not to mention potential pregnancies? Miley doesn’t just have important things to say, she is asking all the right questions. She’s like a young Bob Dylan meets Wendy O’Williams meets Secretariat. I mean, if any of them got the names of magazines tattooed on their feet (or hooves). Already can’t wait for Women’s Wear Daily.

Photo Credit: Rolling Stone