By Lex June 04, 2015 @ 12:43 PM
The X-Files is returning to Fox because they couldn’t think of anything relatively less derivative and nerds at lesser city Comic-Cons want one last chance to tug one out to Gillian Anderson. You’d like to think that a metropolis comprised entirely of super duper pill popping sodomites could come up with some novel programming ideas, but constantly checking your wristband to see how many feet you’ve walked today takes its toll on your total parietal output. Remember when there was a new show on network TV you were excited to watch? It was called X-Files. It’s back.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Matt April 10, 2015 @ 7:04 AM
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley got mostly naked for a photo shoot and as part of the trade off someone had to listen to her recount some benign facts about herself. Brace yourself, she likes to eat real food like the rest of us:
“I don’t want to be that miserable girl pushing a salad around my plate.”
One of us! One of us! I give her credit for the attempt. We know that models starve the shit out of themselves and we really don’t care. If your calorie ceiling gives me a slightly better wank, that’s a deal we’ve both made with the devil. No give-backs. She also dropped this gem:
“Beauty for me is about a good workout routine.”
I’m not exactly sure that makes sense, but I think it’s more about having great tits and your skin accepting bronzer without visible rash. More of a nature thing than a spin class thing. Jason Statham’s a lucky man. You’ve got friends that are interesting. Nobody’s perfect.
Photo Credit: Violet Grey
By Lex September 19, 2014 @ 12:16 PM
With more and more stories out that artificial sweeteners in diet soda are just making fat people die even faster, this Stevia plant sweetener is growing rapidly in popularity. It’s got few calories compared to real sugar and won’t send you into diabetic conniptions like the shit they’ve been putting in Diet Coke since people started pretending 1-calorie sodas could counteract Subway meatball grinders and eight hours in an office chair.
Coca-Cola Life is Coke’s version of Stevia sweetened cola that is making the rounds in foreign countries. They started in South America where up to 500,000 people can die mysteriously without much notice. Between making kids too fat to do wind sprints in gym and the mass distribution of aspartame, Coca-Cola kills more people annually than the influenza virus and helmet-less skateboarding combined. It’s nice to see they’re moving in the direction of using natural plant life, treating it with industrial solvents, kettle cooking it, synthesizing it in laboratories, and adding just a hint of Black Widow venom to finally produce a healthy soda. Green packaging does not lie. This soda’s going to make you a superstar.
Photo Credit: Getty, AKM-GSI
By Lex June 13, 2014 @ 11:47 AM
Photo Credit: Violet Grey
By Lex March 12, 2014 @ 3:03 PM
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is back to doing what she does best. Pouting quietly in her underwear. She had her run as a Transformers actress, but all that got her were some dismal reviews and Michael Bay giving Jason Statham a knowing smile every time they cross paths. No, sitting silently in her panties is the place for Rosie. When she’s good, she gets her favorite licorice treat. And when she’s bad, you buzz the invisible fence collar and she’s back to pouty and quiet. That’s how you sell some fucking underwear.