Rosie O’Donnell contract demands include the provision that no reality stars be named to fill the open co-host spots of The View. This could be Rosie playing into the stereotype that all reality stars are pill-popping wrecked fame whores with no rock bottom. Actually, that’s not a stereotype, it’s true. Rosie could also be trying to blackball Sarah Palin, who made the switch from VP candidate to reality TV star like she was never qualified to be the former. Palin did toss her own name into the hat this week for the open ‘white conservative slot left vacant by Elizabeth Hasselbeck. Rosie may also envision a smack talking Snooki or Teen Mom easily stealing her thunder. Rosie may be a tough dude, but she’s no idiot. She wants weak sister competition so she and her gay designer dragons retake the Dummy Throne.
When The View said they were going to boldly remake themselves, they weren’t kidding. Step one, bring back the loud-mouth jelly puddle you fired previously for being mentally unstable. Rosie O’Donnell has swallowed her pride for the right amount of cash and agreed to rejoin the show where stupid women talk stupidly about stupid things for a stupid female audience so they can write stupid things on Facebook about what they believe to be true. I think that’s the official log line from the network. With Whoopi still on the cast, and Rosie joining, the producers of The View are now looking to find a Latina and a conservative to fill out America’s dumbest coffee klatch. Wary black, angry lesbian, feisty Latina, and blond conservative. That’s literally the plan at ABC. A cheap demographic outline for success. If we were immortal, life would still be too short to watch The View.
Rosie O’Donnell, who is so fat that these pictures with her new wife look like forced-perspective shots set up to make her look enormous even though they’re actually standing side by side, got secretly married back in June! Congratulations!
Not only that, but her wife, Michelle Rounds, is way more attractive than I assumed she would be. They were originally supposed to get married in August, but O’Donnell had a heart attack and Rounds has desmoid tumors. Also O’Donnell had already eaten most of the wedding cake.
Rosie O’Donnell finally found a way to make her opinions seem well thought out and reasonable; by going on the Today show with the peerlessly stupid Star Jones and Donny Deutsch and discussing Lindsay Lohan.
When Matt Lauer asked about Lindsay (finally) being cast to play Elizabeth Taylor, O’Donnell said:
“I feel very sorry for her. I think she needs a lot of help. She needs a lot of time away.”
“I don’t think she’s right for the role, and I don’t think she’s capable at this point of doing what’s needed to portray that character,’’ she said. “I think the interest level in her has waned significantly.’’
Deutsch then declared that Lohan has the potential to be the Elizabeth Taylor of this generation, on and off-screen.
“You’re out of your mind,’’ Rosie replied.
Elizabeth Taylor became famous because she was a fantastic actress and beautiful beyond measure. Lindsay Lohan became famous because she had big tits when she was 16. Even during her prime she was constantly high, and since then she’s only noteworthy for getting arrested. She actually has way more in common with Lawrence Taylor than Elizabeth Taylor.
OWN, Oprah Winfreys new network which she of course named after herself, has been a much deserved failure, highlighted by the fantastically awful talk show hosted by Rosie O’Donnell. That was finally cancelled on Friday, thus giving staff members the freedom to tell The Daily Beast what a miserable cunt she is.
…staffers were very upset when O’Donnell clashed with Winfrey’s longtime director Joe Terry. People thought she humiliated him when she scolded him in front of a live audience for using the wrong camera shots, suggesting he didn’t know what he was doing.
She fired Winfrey’s stage manager because she felt like he was ignoring her and not doing his job properly.
She also wasn’t connecting with her bandleader, Katreese Barnes, a two-time Emmy winner from SNL. O’Donnell was frustrated because Barnes couldn’t play obscure Broadway songs off the cuff right when she named them on live TV.
In her defense, other staff members said she was the first to arrive and the last to leave every single day, seven days a week. Granted those staff member worked at a Honeybaked Ham store, but still.