By Lex March 24, 2015 @ 11:04 AM
According to RadarOnline, whose accuracy relies heavily on the broken clock metaphor, Demi Moore has freed herself of drugs and bad men and the demons that infect rich beautiful people because God hates perfect. She’s completely committed to helping her daughter win the top prize on Dancing With the Stars. This might not exorcise the drinking borne of mom huffing three cans of Reddi-Wip and humping the ref at AYSO Saturdays, but it has to mean something. You never grow too old to be too proud of your children. Those are my daughter’s tits! Mommy loves you. Let’s bake.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex February 05, 2015 @ 1:05 PM
It’d be presumptuous to attribute Rumer Willis’ die hard Instagram picture barrage to one night of scissor kissing with that practiced British-browed vagina hunter. Let’s say mostly inspired by. When your square jaw sets to quivering from the love whose name we dare not speak, you start thinking about all the big things you want to do with your life. Like posting selfies. Sometimes it’s best to activate your more elaborate dreams in stages. It’s still only Thursday.
Photo Credit: Instagram/Twitter
By Lex February 03, 2015 @ 11:50 AM
Cara Delevingne is rapid tonguing her way through disaffected young female Hollywood. I can’t remember which Willis girl Rumer is. The one who looks like Bruce, drinks like a fish, and hasn’t worked in a decade. Fuck, I can’t narrow it down. Rumer left a bar in West Hollywood holding hands with this unquenchable lesbian vampire. Holding hands in WeHo doesn’t mean the two of them are mere moments away from an after party of vanilla candles and poetic fisting. Traffic in L.A. sucks even at night. It could easily take half-an-hour.
By Lex December 23, 2014 @ 9:07 AM
Anybody who claims the Willis girls don’t seem to have jobs focuses on too narrow of a timeline. Rumer Willis just posted photos of herself from August 2013 when she worked a dinner theater gig in Los Feliz. She played Juliet in a cabaret tribute to the work of film director Baz Luhrmann who takes classic literature and turns it into lavish movies as an excuse to see Leonardo DiCaprio changing in his dressing room. The dancers strut between tables as you’re semaphoring the waiter with the international sign for ‘where’s the fucking half rotisserie chicken I ordered an hour ago’. I’ve seen shows like this before, but there was no food, just drinks, and the girls all took their tops off to confirm they were girls and asked if you wanted a private dance. I dig live theater.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex October 17, 2014 @ 9:28 AM
When Lady Gaga sings at a hipster shoe store in Brooklyn, it’s record company promotional kitsch. If you’re Rumer Willis, it’s the best gig you can book. Being the oldest Willis daughter, Rumer decided it was time she pretended to have a job. She chose singer from the list of options in the back of her What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up coloring book. And why not. Singers are cool and bold and make people happy. As do high class escorts who also then have the money to buy shit in the store as opposed to just crooning from aside the hot boots display case. I give Rumer credit for not choosing Topless Activist or Wayward Drunk like her sisters when they leafed through the same coloring book. If she keeps skipping the bras, there’s no reason Rumer can’t be doing sets for the customers in the pharmacy lines at CVS soon enough.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Lex September 24, 2014 @ 9:53 AM
Not to be overshadowed by her sister in jaws incestuous leather straps shoot, Rumer Willis got to posing in some outfits that several gay male sycophants declared super sexy earlier in the day. If these grown Willis kids are trying to get back at their parents by drinking and making out and parading around half naked, they’re failing miserably. Becoming the high school slut might work in an after-school special about Pamela, the troubled victim of divorce, but it’s barely going to register on the celebrity parents Google alerts. Maybe a bell tower sniper attack or getting The AIDS or buying bread with gluten or something dramatic. Something even the most self-absorbed parents can’t ignore due to he press covering it and their PR reps saying you have to appear concerned. Then your parents can rush to your side and apologize for forsaking you and tell you it’s all going to be better from now on, or for the next six weeks you have left to live.
Photo Credit: Franziska Fox