By Lex August 25, 2014 @ 10:55 AM
Something seems different about Rumer Willis these days and it’s not a job or a purpose or anything small like that. I mean something big different. I’m no Archimedes, but I’d say twenty-degrees or so of her Willis block jaw is missing. I don’t know if it was surgically shaved or if she rubbed a lamp and after asking for her mom to stop chain-huffing Whip-its and boning Ashton Kutcher she used her remaining freebie on more streamlined mandible. She looks pretty good. I’d still go without the bras until it’s fully tested, but I can see Rumer getting a sitcom apartment neighbor role out of this, maybe even a closeted bisexual husband. Fuck the plastic surgery haters, Rumer. If you were born in Guatemala people here would be donating 83-cents a day to get your jaw re-sculpted so you could enjoy a normal life in your running shit trough of a village.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News
By Lex June 23, 2014 @ 1:34 PM
The Free the Nipple campaign started with such high minded ideals. Like getting Instagram to allow moderately unattractive women to show pictures of their bare tits without having their accounts suspended. For some reason the Facebook family of soul selling social media outlets doesn’t allow nipples to be shown in any visual medium on their sites. At the same time, Jihadi beheadings and men recounting tales of their last domestic abuse seem to be cool. I’d question the relative moral legitimacy of the nipple ban but then Zuckerberg would back up a dump truck and have me drowned in a sea of hundred dollar bills as his way of screaming ‘scoreboard, motherfucker!.
Rumer Willis and her band of women you’d have no interest in seeing topless banded together at the SkyBar in West Hollywood for a fundraiser of unclear purpose. Nobody actually showed off their nipples save for one woman who breastfed her baby after she had accidentally shown up to the wrong protest. Herein lies the fundamental flaw in almost all bra burning feminist protests. The lack of hot women. That’s the game changer. You can’t win the Super Bowl without a Super Bowl quarterback. It’s cute that women think earnest intentions are enough. It’s like men who think growing a mustache will get them laid. Wake me when you’ve got some Brazilian supermodels in the mix. I’d sell my original series Fantastic Four #3 mint-condition to free those nipples. Rumer Willis can keep her shirt on. The world will still spin. Flame on.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Getty
By Lex April 24, 2014 @ 12:53 PM
Rumer Willis is on the cusp of greatness. Actually, that might be the cusp of obscurity. Whichever cusp it is, it can’t hurt to show off your pink panties when you’re straddling it.
Photo Credit: Getty, Pacific Coast News
By Travis February 14, 2014 @ 11:00 AM
Nobody walks into a hair salon and says, “Give me the Lindsay Lohan post success and respect era,” but that’s apparently exactly what Rumer Willis yesterday when she got her hair done in West Hollywood. And the new look definitely worked, because the paparazzi were all over her, probably shouting things like, “Lindsay, who finally fed you?” and “Lindsay, why are you awake during the daytime?” and “Lindsay, why aren’t there cocaine hand prints all over your black dress?” Don’t get me wrong, though, saying that she looks like a taller, healthier, not close to death version of Lindsay Lohan is probably one of the biggest compliments I can pay Rumer.
Photo Credits: Owen Beiny/WENN.com