By Matt May 20, 2015 @ 8:50 AM
Tallulah Willis went on Instagram and shared a bunch of pictures of her tits as her more camera friendly sister won Dancing With The Stars. Tallulah turned up to watch the finale along with her famous parents, as at least one appearance was contractually mandated in exchange for having a sexy Quagmire on the cast. Tallulah is ten months sober, or six weeks from her next relapse depending upon how optimistically you frame things. I might develop a coke problem too if it meant two months of horseback riding in Malibu on someone else’s dime. No word on what’s next for her and her tribe of wandering celebrity offspring but I’m ruling out a job. Perhaps continue ruminating on your less than ideal childhood which forced you to regulate your feelings with shopping with a flask in your pocket. The horror. When I was your age I couldn’t even find drugs. Either you like attention or you don’t. Time to make up your mind. Keep your chin up.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex March 30, 2015 @ 7:06 AM
It’s good to see the idle rich taking up hobbies that don’t involve booze or politics. Dancing with the Stars has proven to be a launching pad for many careers in low budget reality television and hanging out at the Coffee Bean’s talking about who you almost worked with in the last millennium. Rumer Willis has one of those asses that makes a man almost not care about the cowboy jaw. Focus on the picture of the cute puppies on yonder wall and we’ll get through this. That’s something of a sparkling accomplishment already. Can she dance? Who cares. She’s already won.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex March 24, 2015 @ 11:04 AM
According to RadarOnline, whose accuracy relies heavily on the broken clock metaphor, Demi Moore has freed herself of drugs and bad men and the demons that infect rich beautiful people because God hates perfect. She’s completely committed to helping her daughter win the top prize on Dancing With the Stars. This might not exorcise the drinking borne of mom huffing three cans of Reddi-Wip and humping the ref at AYSO Saturdays, but it has to mean something. You never grow too old to be too proud of your children. Those are my daughter’s tits! Mommy loves you. Let’s bake.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex February 05, 2015 @ 1:05 PM
It’d be presumptuous to attribute Rumer Willis’ die hard Instagram picture barrage to one night of scissor kissing with that practiced British-browed vagina hunter. Let’s say mostly inspired by. When your square jaw sets to quivering from the love whose name we dare not speak, you start thinking about all the big things you want to do with your life. Like posting selfies. Sometimes it’s best to activate your more elaborate dreams in stages. It’s still only Thursday.
Photo Credit: Instagram/Twitter
By Lex February 03, 2015 @ 11:50 AM
Cara Delevingne is rapid tonguing her way through disaffected young female Hollywood. I can’t remember which Willis girl Rumer is. The one who looks like Bruce, drinks like a fish, and hasn’t worked in a decade. Fuck, I can’t narrow it down. Rumer left a bar in West Hollywood holding hands with this unquenchable lesbian vampire. Holding hands in WeHo doesn’t mean the two of them are mere moments away from an after party of vanilla candles and poetic fisting. Traffic in L.A. sucks even at night. It could easily take half-an-hour.
By Lex December 23, 2014 @ 9:07 AM
Anybody who claims the Willis girls don’t seem to have jobs focuses on too narrow of a timeline. Rumer Willis just posted photos of herself from August 2013 when she worked a dinner theater gig in Los Feliz. She played Juliet in a cabaret tribute to the work of film director Baz Luhrmann who takes classic literature and turns it into lavish movies as an excuse to see Leonardo DiCaprio changing in his dressing room. The dancers strut between tables as you’re semaphoring the waiter with the international sign for ‘where’s the fucking half rotisserie chicken I ordered an hour ago’. I’ve seen shows like this before, but there was no food, just drinks, and the girls all took their tops off to confirm they were girls and asked if you wanted a private dance. I dig live theater.
Photo Credit: Instagram