Ashley Benson Dumps Ryan Good; Why This Is Very Good

By Bill March 21, 2013 @ 9:30 AM

Ashley Benson has confirmed her split from year-long boyfriend, Ryan Good. It’s always good news when a hot girl becomes single. But it’s great news when Ryan Good loses something valuable. You probably don’t even know who this dude is, but you should, and then you can wish him ill will too.

Ryan Good was, is, officially, Justin Bieber’s ‘swagger coach’. When Usher was searching YouTube for ‘sexy underaged boys’ and discovered Justin Bieber, he realized that as tween-girl friendly as Justin was, he was just a dorky kid from Canada who wasn’t ready to be a true player. Enter Ryan Good. A douchy 20-something dude with tons of swagger. So much swagger that Usher and his team hired Ryan Good to shadow Justin’s every move, bunk with him 24×7, and teach him the ways of the swagger. The way to walk, to talk, to flash his gang signs, to give his cool shoutouts, how to dress, how to bend down and touch the hands of every 12-year old girl in his audience, while giving their horny housewife mom’s a salacious wink. Ryan Good helped turn Justin Bieber into Justin Bieber. It was like Ra’s al Ghul training Bane. Well, not like that at all, because that would make Bieber Bane, when in fact Bieber is just a 120-pound full-of-himself pussy with bangs.

Hey, look, there’s that swaggerific Ryan Good ginning up the young teen crowd in Paris at Bieber’s movie premiere. Dick.


Photo credits: Getty images

Justin Bieber Still Has a Lot to Learn About Swagger

By author March 12, 2012 @ 2:30 PM

Justin Bieber and his former swagger coach (yes I want to kill myself for typing that), Ryan Good, decided to visit their respective girlfriends, Selena Gomez and Ashley Benson while they shoot ‘Spring Breakers’ in Florida. Last fall, quivering 13 year olds all over the internet frantically reported that Ryan Good would move on to pursue his dreams and would no longer coach Justin Bieber on important things like how to layer his clothing. Turns out that dream included taking some underage kids to a bar, getting embarrassedly shit-faced, and being asked to leave halfway through his meal which he continued to eat on his way out the door. Reach for the stars, kids!

More to the point, what a missed opportunity for Justin to show his former teacher that he’s mastered the swag. Instead of turning beet red and covering his face while fleeing, he should have downed half a pina colada and slurred to Selena “Sirriusly gurl, I’mma murry you and have your babi–BLARGH!”

(Image Source = Fame/Flynet)