wait, what?

By brendon April 28, 2010 @ 9:29 AM


After weeks in virtual solitude, with no interviews or statement to the press addressing her jackass husband and his serial killer dick, Sandra Bullock is on the cover of People magazine with the revelation that she’s divorcing Jesse James, AND she’s adopted a baby boy from New Orleans.

Sandra Bullock has filed for divorce from her husband Jesse James, and while that news hardly comes as a surprise, this might: Bullock has secretly adopted a 3-and-a-half month African-American baby boy named Louis Bardo.
The stunning story, as first reported by People.com, says that Bullock and James quietly began the adoption process four years ago, and brought the infant, who was born in New Orleans, home in January.
“He’s just perfect, I can’t even describe him any other way,” Bullock, who plans on raising the child by herself, told the magazine of her son. “It’s like he’s always been a part of our lives.”
Bullock told the magazine that the events have generated great emotion from her. She said: “I am sad and I am scared.”

Wait, a black kid from New Orleans who doesn’t know who his parents are? That must be some kind of typo. I grew up 10 minutes from New Orleans, and I certainly don’t remember anything like that. It’s a wonderful place, a land of enchantment, with rivers of gumdrops and chocolate, and unicorn guides who welcome you with a loving embrace. Except replace “chocolate” with “urine”, “Unicorn” with “gangbanger” and “loving embrace” with “SKS assault rifle”.

thursday night headlines

By brendon April 22, 2010 @ 9:40 PM


MATT AND TREY - say Comedy Central removed a speech about “intimidation and fear” from last nights episode after some dim witted muslims threatened to kill them. The group says South Park insulted their prophet by depicting him in a bear costume. To make matters worse, now a bear group is threatening to eat Matt and Trey for depicting one of them as one of those dirty islam idiots. (yahoo)

SANDRA BULLOCK - reportedly would have stayed with Jesse James if his cheating had not gone public and had been dealt with privately. Or also had he not banged tons of whores. That would have helped out too. (us.com)

DINA LOHAN - says Michael Lohan is the real problem in this whole Lindsay and Ali incident. She says Michael is crazy, and apparently Lindsay and Ali are doing great. Now I’d like you to open the envelope I gave you earlier today. You’ll see it says exactly that, predicted hours before Dina said anything. I must be some kind of gifted psychic. (radar)

PEOPLE WHO READ TYLER - run a website about legalizing weed and they want to be on ‘Attack of the Show’ to talk about it. So go over here because I guess that helps in some way. If you do it you get to click some buttons. If you don’t, you’ll miss out on all that hot clicking action! (htgb)

ZAHIA DEHAR - is that teenage prostitute in France who slept with a bunch of soccer players. And who turned 18 less than 2 months ago. That’s her below when she was 17. And perhaps 16. She would travel the world, making upwards of 20 grand a month. In a related story, one time when I was 16, I found a dollar and used it to buy a soft taco. I’m a winner! (mirror)

tuesday morning headlines

By brendon April 20, 2010 @ 11:23 AM


SANDRA BULLOCK - was photographed last week without her wedding ring on. Wait, is there some sort of trouble in her marriage? This is the first I’ve heard of anything like that. (people)

ELIN NORDEGREN - packed up the two kids she had with Tiger Woods and flew home to Sweden in a private jet yesterday. She and Tiger continue to live separately and spend virtually no time together. It sounds a lot like my marriage to Megan Fox. (radar)

KIM KARDASHIAN - is defending herself after PETA complained about the way she picked up a kitty in this picture. “Rest assured, the owner and vet were on set and showed me how to pick him up. The cat was not harmed in any way and is perfectly fine! I love animals and would never do anything to harm animals.” That cat is a hero. When she picks it up, it lifts her huge tits and makes them look awesome. It’s a WonderCat. (kim kardashian)

PEOPLE WHO READ TYLER - are sexy. Like Cami for example. And she wants to be in Front magazine, so go to her facebook and stare at her hot ass, because apparently that will help for some reason. It feels good to help others. That’s what this website is all about. (facebook)

sandra bullock is breaking her silence. in november.

By brendon April 16, 2010 @ 10:16 AM


Someone close to Conan O’Brien told me the other day that Tom Hanks has already been asked to be the first guest on Conans TBS show, but he’s a damn scrub compared to who will be on George Lopez one hour later. Deadline Hollywood says…

Conan O’Brien and George Lopez are expected to make a splash in their first week together in November on TBS with a lineup of A-list guests. I’ve heard that Sandra Bullock, who is George’s close friend and executive produced his ABC sitcom, may appear on his newly moved 12 AM-1 AM talk show that week.

And the Chicago Sun Times ads…

Bullock is not only a longtime personal friend of Lopez, she also served as an executive producer of the comedian’s old ABC sitcom, where she guested a few times.
”More important than all that, George has been one of Sandy’s most supportive and genuinely caring friends as she has gone through the nightmare of the past couple months,” said another longtime close Bullock buddy.
”He personifies how a real friend acts when someone you love is going through a hellish situation.”

I don’t even think George Lopez is funny but he still seems to be a likable guy. And I’m not just saying that so I don’t look racist. Okay actually I am. Because I’m incredibly racist. The truth is I’m pretty sure I saw George Lopez steal my car radio one time. Him and Denzel Washington.

UPDATE - not one single person emailed to tell me i had ‘snadra’ in the headline for like 3 hours, but im okay with that because the last thing i want is people emailing me every time my spelling or punctuation or grammar set a new low.

sandra bullock is a good stepmom

By brendon April 09, 2010 @ 12:05 PM


Jesse James has three kids, two with his porn star ex-wife who just got out of jail, but she lost custody and Jesse is in rehab, so that means the kids are practically orphans. But then Sandra Bullock saw them in the rain, and she brought them home and raised them and then they played football.

We’re told all three kids — Sunny, Chandler and Jesse, Jr. — are all with Sandra.
Our sources say Sandra is not living at her Hollywood Hills home, which has become paparazzi central for more than a week.
One source very familiar with the situation tells TMZ, “It’s a positive sign about Sandra’s relationship with Jesse.” The source would not elaborate.

Sandra must be really nice. If someone cheated on me the way this jackass cheated on her, I’d take those bastard kids and sell them in an auction on the internet. And I don’t mean one of the classy auctions like in that Liam Neeson movie. I mean one of the sleazy ones. The kind in Spanish.

jesse james says there is no sex tape

By brendon April 08, 2010 @ 10:21 AM


Sandra Bullock has already issued a statement denying that she ever made a sex tape, and the source of the rumor went on Opie and Anthony yesterday and back-peddled his ass off, and now Jesse James tells People pretty much the same thing Sandra did.

While Bullock denied an Internet report of such a sex tape, James has broadened the denial to also include an online story claiming he’s in at least a dozen sex tapes with other women featuring Nazi-themed paraphernalia.
“The claims of sex tapes are untrue and completely fabricated,” says a rep for James.

I heard someone say they believed the Sandra Nazi sex tape story because, until Thanksgiving, no one ever reported anything bad about Tiger Woods either. As if that’s how “proof” works. Apparently if a black male athlete in Florida cheats on his wife, then that means a white female actress in California is getting a shotgun shoved up her ass and filming it. See? It’s the exact the same thing. I can barely even tell the two stories apart. So Tiger made a Nazi sex tape with Sandra? Wait, start over.