tuesday morning headlines

By brendon April 20, 2010 @ 11:23 AM


SANDRA BULLOCK - was photographed last week without her wedding ring on. Wait, is there some sort of trouble in her marriage? This is the first I’ve heard of anything like that. (people)

ELIN NORDEGREN - packed up the two kids she had with Tiger Woods and flew home to Sweden in a private jet yesterday. She and Tiger continue to live separately and spend virtually no time together. It sounds a lot like my marriage to Megan Fox. (radar)

KIM KARDASHIAN - is defending herself after PETA complained about the way she picked up a kitty in this picture. “Rest assured, the owner and vet were on set and showed me how to pick him up. The cat was not harmed in any way and is perfectly fine! I love animals and would never do anything to harm animals.” That cat is a hero. When she picks it up, it lifts her huge tits and makes them look awesome. It’s a WonderCat. (kim kardashian)

PEOPLE WHO READ TYLER - are sexy. Like Cami for example. And she wants to be in Front magazine, so go to her facebook and stare at her hot ass, because apparently that will help for some reason. It feels good to help others. That’s what this website is all about. (facebook)

sandra bullock is breaking her silence. in november.

By brendon April 16, 2010 @ 10:16 AM


Someone close to Conan O’Brien told me the other day that Tom Hanks has already been asked to be the first guest on Conans TBS show, but he’s a damn scrub compared to who will be on George Lopez one hour later. Deadline Hollywood says…

Conan O’Brien and George Lopez are expected to make a splash in their first week together in November on TBS with a lineup of A-list guests. I’ve heard that Sandra Bullock, who is George’s close friend and executive produced his ABC sitcom, may appear on his newly moved 12 AM-1 AM talk show that week.

And the Chicago Sun Times ads…

Bullock is not only a longtime personal friend of Lopez, she also served as an executive producer of the comedian’s old ABC sitcom, where she guested a few times.
”More important than all that, George has been one of Sandy’s most supportive and genuinely caring friends as she has gone through the nightmare of the past couple months,” said another longtime close Bullock buddy.
”He personifies how a real friend acts when someone you love is going through a hellish situation.”

I don’t even think George Lopez is funny but he still seems to be a likable guy. And I’m not just saying that so I don’t look racist. Okay actually I am. Because I’m incredibly racist. The truth is I’m pretty sure I saw George Lopez steal my car radio one time. Him and Denzel Washington.

UPDATE - not one single person emailed to tell me i had ‘snadra’ in the headline for like 3 hours, but im okay with that because the last thing i want is people emailing me every time my spelling or punctuation or grammar set a new low.

sandra bullock is a good stepmom

By brendon April 09, 2010 @ 12:05 PM


Jesse James has three kids, two with his porn star ex-wife who just got out of jail, but she lost custody and Jesse is in rehab, so that means the kids are practically orphans. But then Sandra Bullock saw them in the rain, and she brought them home and raised them and then they played football.

We’re told all three kids — Sunny, Chandler and Jesse, Jr. — are all with Sandra.
Our sources say Sandra is not living at her Hollywood Hills home, which has become paparazzi central for more than a week.
One source very familiar with the situation tells TMZ, “It’s a positive sign about Sandra’s relationship with Jesse.” The source would not elaborate.

Sandra must be really nice. If someone cheated on me the way this jackass cheated on her, I’d take those bastard kids and sell them in an auction on the internet. And I don’t mean one of the classy auctions like in that Liam Neeson movie. I mean one of the sleazy ones. The kind in Spanish.

jesse james says there is no sex tape

By brendon April 08, 2010 @ 10:21 AM


Sandra Bullock has already issued a statement denying that she ever made a sex tape, and the source of the rumor went on Opie and Anthony yesterday and back-peddled his ass off, and now Jesse James tells People pretty much the same thing Sandra did.

While Bullock denied an Internet report of such a sex tape, James has broadened the denial to also include an online story claiming he’s in at least a dozen sex tapes with other women featuring Nazi-themed paraphernalia.
“The claims of sex tapes are untrue and completely fabricated,” says a rep for James.

I heard someone say they believed the Sandra Nazi sex tape story because, until Thanksgiving, no one ever reported anything bad about Tiger Woods either. As if that’s how “proof” works. Apparently if a black male athlete in Florida cheats on his wife, then that means a white female actress in California is getting a shotgun shoved up her ass and filming it. See? It’s the exact the same thing. I can barely even tell the two stories apart. So Tiger made a Nazi sex tape with Sandra? Wait, start over.

sandra denies having a sex tape

By brendon April 06, 2010 @ 5:30 PM


Sandra Bullock hasn’t said a word in public since the news broke about her husband whoring around, but the rumor of a sex tape – even though it’s the dumbest thing you’ll ever hear and the source is a fuckin idiot who clearly just makes things up – was enough to force her to make a statement.

“There is no sex tape,” she says in a statement to PEOPLE on Tuesday. “There never has been one and there never will be one.”
Until now, Bullock, 45, had not commented, remaining in seclusion since reports surfaced that James, 40, allegedly had cheated on her with at least four other women.
She spoke out in response to an online report that James possesses a graphic sex tape which he could possibly use as leverage in a divorce case.

‘Demolition Man’ came out in 1993, and ‘Speed’ was one year later. So Sandra Bullock has been really famous for almost 20 years. How many bad things have you ever heard about her? Total. I can’t think of one. Not one bad story or rumor in 20 years. Yet suddenly she’s a Nazi shoving guns up her ass? That sounds like 5 different rumors about 5 different people just crammed into one. There’s probably a longer version of this rumor where she pours AIDS into the water supply and works for the Men in Black.

is there a sandra bullock sex tape? no.

By brendon April 06, 2010 @ 10:53 AM


Yesterday the internet was all ramped up because there was a story claiming Sandra Bullock had a super deviant sex tape with Jesse James.

It includes James smearing feces on Bullock’s upper lip during various types of anal sex, lots of profanity hurled from both parties, and a leather clad James, sporting a Hitler moustache with brown hat with a swastika, ramming a handcuffed Bullock’s asshole with a shotgun in his left hand.

Seriously? Are we being serious? Sandra Bullock. Getting anally raped. With a shotgun. And she filmed it. Seriously?

Jesus Christ.

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