Sara Sampaio Sells El Diablo (VIDEO)

By Lex March 25, 2015 @ 1:16 PM

This chick is Portuguese which makes her the perfect model to be leading a fast food restaurant push into Mexican themed burgers. The Thickburger El Diablo has raw jalapeños, deep-fried jalapenos, and a slathering of groundwater scum collected from an alley behind an Ixtapa area Futbol Club. It’s authentic. Your colon will bleed in both directions. Apparently it’s all the rage among hot chicks in ice hotels frequented by Nordic metrosexuals. The screams you here in the frozen outhouse are just pain leaving the body. Drop a deuce for the devil. You are free, mi amigo.

Photo Credit: Carl’s Jr

Sara Sampaio and Romee Strijd Ass Check

By Lex February 23, 2015 @ 11:01 AM

Sara Sampaio and Romee Strijd Check Their Bikini Lines In Miami
Of all the calls to action at last night’s Oscars, Iñárritu’s speech about respecting immigrants touched me somewhere in my moral center. I’ve decided to start with these two foreign models. They seem like hard workers and solid additions to the multicultural pie. Not all undocumented visitors to this country are tuberculosis carrying unskilled workers stealing blue collar jobs from Americans. Some are young foreign models who simply need a sandwich and hug. Welcome to America. Please report all Canseco rapes to the authorities.

Photo Credit: INF

Victoria’s Secret Models Sell Better Without Lingerie

By Lex October 21, 2014 @ 10:39 AM

Nude Angels Abbey Lee Kershaw
As much as it will cost a small Asian village a week of textile wages, a few child starvations are the price of seeing a bunch of Victoria’s Secret models without their lingerie. Underwear is but a contrivance of a polite society. An artificial waste of time that I would insist only apply to the male population were I the handsomest President ever. Jesus weeps when nice tits are covered. I’m pretty sure that’s from Gospels.

These photos are from the Angels book by Russell James which features a bunch of the Victoria’s Secret models topless as well as Kendall Jenner rolled up in a naked ball just because that’s a good way to sell copies. Fuck, that’s a good way to sell anything. Yes, that is Kendall Jenner rolled up naked in the back of my ’97 Subaru Outback just like I wrote in my Craigslist ad. Now, how about you write me a fat $700 check and take them both.

Photo Credit: Russell James

Sara Sampaio Models Lingerie

By Lex July 21, 2014 @ 6:30 AM

Sara Sampaio Models Lingerie For Next
This chick is the hottest thing to come out of Portugal since, fuck, I can’t name anything else. There’s a sausage I think that’s Portuguese at my local brat place. It’s pretty damn tasty. But it’s a distant second to this supermodel. Maybe the Portuguese will do something big again like they did in the 16th century and knock Sara in her underwear down to second place. Cure cancer or invent an electric car that isn’t emasculating or something that changes the course of history. Or they can just steal good looking girl babies from Spain and wait eighteen years.

Photo Credit: Next

Sara Sampaio Models Lingerie For 2014 Victoria’s Secret

By Lex April 03, 2014 @ 11:37 AM

Sara Sampaio Models Lingerie For 2014 Victoria's Secret

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret

Sara Sampaio Is My New Favorite Portuguese Person

By Lex January 16, 2014 @ 5:27 PM

Sara Sampaio Flashes Her Nipple For A Photo Shoot With Stockton Johnson
It used to be Vasco da Gama, because I love pepper and it’s bullshit that before da Gama, you couldn’t get cracked black pepper on your salad at fancy restaurants. But now I’m going with Sara Sampaio because her tits look like perfect globes and she didn’t give syphilis to 80% of the world like da Gama. I’ve worked on photo shoots before and there’s always that awkward moment when you have to ask the model if maybe she could pull her top down to be artistically relevant for a certain look. You’re lying, you just want to snap her boobs. But when she says yes, there’s a weight off everybody’s shoulders because the uncomfortable song and dance need not occur. Also, you’re now officially getting paid to have a boner.

Photo Credit: Stockton Johnson