Sara Sampaio Early Valentine’s Lingerie

By Lex January 05, 2016 @ 12:40 PM

Sara Sampaio Valentines Lingerie
Foreign women wear orante lingerie better. It’s a matter of presumption that American women prefer comfortable boxers marketed to them as ‘your best boyfriend shorts’ by any number of retail outlets that assume American are alone eating ice cream most nights and need a lot of pretend. Dildo sales are up 723% in the past two decades, make of that what you will. It’s a wonder we’re still reproducing. Your Portuguese teeth don’t frighten me. Is that dry clean only?

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret

Victoria’s Secret Has An Annoucement

By Lex May 01, 2015 @ 11:43 AM

New Victorias Secret Angels

When Victoria’s Secret declared they were making a big announcement, three thousand ragamuffins rose from their rickety seats in Myanmar, stood on their sewing tables, and collectively cheered, ‘We are free!’. Then Victoria’s Secret came out with the news they had a new team of Angels and the kids in Myanmar quickly took their seats to the sting of the electric shocks in their ani that keep them working at a measured pace. Still, this is very good news for the rest of us named Leonard DiCaprio.

Photo Credit: WWTDD Archives/Victoria’s Secret

Sara Sampaio Sells El Diablo (VIDEO)

By Lex March 25, 2015 @ 1:16 PM

This chick is Portuguese which makes her the perfect model to be leading a fast food restaurant push into Mexican themed burgers. The Thickburger El Diablo has raw jalapeños, deep-fried jalapenos, and a slathering of groundwater scum collected from an alley behind an Ixtapa area Futbol Club. It’s authentic. Your colon will bleed in both directions. Apparently it’s all the rage among hot chicks in ice hotels frequented by Nordic metrosexuals. The screams you here in the frozen outhouse are just pain leaving the body. Drop a deuce for the devil. You are free, mi amigo.

Photo Credit: Carl’s Jr

Sara Sampaio and Romee Strijd Ass Check

By Lex February 23, 2015 @ 11:01 AM

Sara Sampaio and Romee Strijd Check Their Bikini Lines In Miami
Of all the calls to action at last night’s Oscars, Iñárritu’s speech about respecting immigrants touched me somewhere in my moral center. I’ve decided to start with these two foreign models. They seem like hard workers and solid additions to the multicultural pie. Not all undocumented visitors to this country are tuberculosis carrying unskilled workers stealing blue collar jobs from Americans. Some are young foreign models who simply need a sandwich and hug. Welcome to America. Please report all Canseco rapes to the authorities.

Photo Credit: INF

Victoria’s Secret Models Sell Better Without Lingerie

By Lex October 21, 2014 @ 10:39 AM

Nude Angels Abbey Lee Kershaw
As much as it will cost a small Asian village a week of textile wages, a few child starvations are the price of seeing a bunch of Victoria’s Secret models without their lingerie. Underwear is but a contrivance of a polite society. An artificial waste of time that I would insist only apply to the male population were I the handsomest President ever. Jesus weeps when nice tits are covered. I’m pretty sure that’s from Gospels.

These photos are from the Angels book by Russell James which features a bunch of the Victoria’s Secret models topless as well as Kendall Jenner rolled up in a naked ball just because that’s a good way to sell copies. Fuck, that’s a good way to sell anything. Yes, that is Kendall Jenner rolled up naked in the back of my ’97 Subaru Outback just like I wrote in my Craigslist ad. Now, how about you write me a fat $700 check and take them both.

Photo Credit: Russell James

Sara Sampaio Models Lingerie

By Lex July 21, 2014 @ 6:30 AM

Sara Sampaio Models Lingerie For Next
This chick is the hottest thing to come out of Portugal since, fuck, I can’t name anything else. There’s a sausage I think that’s Portuguese at my local brat place. It’s pretty damn tasty. But it’s a distant second to this supermodel. Maybe the Portuguese will do something big again like they did in the 16th century and knock Sara in her underwear down to second place. Cure cancer or invent an electric car that isn’t emasculating or something that changes the course of history. Or they can just steal good looking girl babies from Spain and wait eighteen years.

Photo Credit: Next