Sarah Jessica Parker and her veiny arms were out in New York this weekend, and the only way I can explain her career as a movie star is the same reason the Twilight books are so popular. Because women are always complaining about being held to a double standard of beauty, so when they read about some plain girl or see a movie with the feral wolf-like thing in these pictures, it makes them feel good about themselves. “Look,” Hollywood says, “here’s a movie starring a sinewy old witch, and handsome popular actors are in love with her. There’s no way you’re uglier than she is. Not as long as you’re reading this on earth.”

(image source = bauer griffin)

Sarah Jessica Parker went to a party last night for the Robin Hood Foundation, a charity whose goal is to end poverty. Because she’s very concerned. She cares a lot. But before that she put on some fist-sized diamond earrings and picked out a jewel encrusted crocodile-skin bag, then teased her hair up like she was in Poison and/or the ThunderCats. Then she went to the party. Then she went home. “If only there was something I could do,” she thought as she took off her diamonds and threw them in the pile.

(image source = pacific coast and fame)

Sarah Jessica Parker is 45-years-old, but she looks better than ever! Of course that bar is pretty low because she’s alarmingly ugly and always has been. It would be like saying a turkey looks better than ever. Or a foot. But now people are worrying because she’s losing so much weight. To film ‘Sex and the City 2′, she went from a size 4 to a size 0, and now she’s getting even skinnier. The Daily Mail says…

The 45-year-old’s usually toned arms were replaced by sinewy arms and bulging veins as she walked her son to school.
Despite her busy lifestyle, friends of the star are claiming she has become ‘obsessed’ with dieting and gym, leading her to drop even more pounds.
The 5ft 3in star is said to have dropped from 7 1/2 stone (105 pounds) to  6 1/2 stone (91 pounds)

It may or may not be legal to kill people who they look like they already died, I don’t know, I’m not a lawyer, but if it is, I’ll just roll up in court with these pictures. And when the judge says, “why did you do it,” I’ll walk over to the jury with a picture behind my back and say, “Because your honor, Sarah Jessica Parker … was a Werewolf!”

And I’ll whip the picture out and everyone will gasp and the judge will bang his gavel demanding order. And then he’ll look at the picture and say, “Werewolf? Don’t you mean Zombie.” And I’ll say, “whatever. What am I, the monster detective? She looked like something.”

Movies like “Twilight” and “Sex and the City” are popular for the same reason: fat and unattractive girls like stories where a plain or even ugly girl is fawned over by sexy hunks. It makes them think that they too might be swept off their feet in a storybook romance. That’s not going to happen of course. Which is why Sarah Jessica Parker is, in real life, married to a foppish dandy. They just had kids with a surrogate because of course they did. Of course he didn’t F her. I’d rather see a bear trap clamped around my penis than that veiny talon of hers.

(hq jump here. source = pacific coast)