Sarah Jessica Parker Is Snorting Mad

By Jack April 04, 2014 @ 2:12 PM

Sarah Jessica Parker is angry at self appointed relationship expert Sarah J. Symonds. Apparently, Symonds pointed out that Sarah Jessica’s kids don’t look like her. This is due in large part because Parker used a surrogate to produce her twins because she went through menopause during the protracted struggles of World War II. Symonds took down her Tweet but she had already incurred the wrath of the donkey troll. Parker said,

“Your anonymity doesn’t diminish your outrageous and vulgar tweet. And your deletion only reveals your cowardice. @SarahJSymonds. I’m certain there isn’t a woman on this planet who would support your specific kind of cruelty. No apology, no explanation. You should be ashamed @SarahJSymonds. I hope more people join me in voicing their objection to and holding accountable uninformed and unkind women like yourself who find pleasure and delight in attacking other women. @SarahJSymonds”

Damn, you’d think that Symonds stuck her kids in a stump grinder the way she’s talking. Sure, it’s a fucked up thing to imply about the darling children, but she’s just saying what everyone is thinking — you and your tap dancing husband have somebody else’s bio kids. If they grow up looking less and less like you, you’ll have to accept the fact that people are going to wonder if you stole the kids like the fairy tale witch you are ever nearing in visual appearance. Now, stop picking on Internet trolls. Technically they’re your cousins.

You’re Still Not Fooling Us, Matthew Broderick

By Travis November 22, 2013 @ 12:00 PM

Arriving at the red carpet of the opening of an off-Broadway play in New York City last night, Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker reminded us that their 16-year marriage has made them one of Hollywood’s most beloved couples. Of course, that is if you don’t think that he’s actually gay and the whole thing is a needless sham, like a lot of people believe. But if that is the case, he should be honest with himself and embrace who he really is, thus inspiring so many others to know that it’s okay to be proud of who they are.

Otherwise, if he wants to prove everyone wrong, Matthew should leak a sex tape that shows him absolutely railing the hell out of Sarah, not because I think that would be hot, but because I have a stomach ache and could really use a good vomit.

Photo Credit: Getty

Sarah Jessica Parker, Why the Long Face?

By Lex August 27, 2013 @ 8:38 AM


People who make jokes about Sarah Jessica Parker ought to be trotted out and put down. It’s lame. She’s a busy working mother of between two and five specially grown womb kids. Yet she still finds time to workout eleven hours a day and get home to make coffee for the man leaving her husband’s room with a guilty look on his face. She’s to be admired. Now, go on, brush her coat shiny and feed her a fucking carrot.

Here’s style icon Sarah on vacation in Greece where’s she’s considered like a equine goddess.

Photo Credit: PCN

Life Gave Sarah Jessica Parker Lemons, She Made Lemonade Tits

By Lex June 03, 2013 @ 12:19 PM

Sarah Jessica Parker Cleavage At The Scholastic Art & Writing Awards In New York
There’s no point in rehashing the progression of Sarah Jessica Parker from nerdy teen band girl to what she has become today, cabullus maxiumus. But here’s the thing about this old grey mare, she ain’t what she used to be. She got new hooters. And dammit, you need to look at them. Even at a Scholastic Art & Writing Awards ceremony in New York. There’s no place where a big old set of mam-jobs won’t take attention away from your oat-crusted snout. That’s a fact. As proven by what you’re doing right now.

Photo Credit: Getty, Splash, WENN

Carrie Bradshaw had some rough years

By brendon March 23, 2012 @ 5:34 PM

annasophia-robb-as-carrie-bradshaw

The first official image from the CW’s ‘Sex and the City’ prequel has been released, showing AnnaSophia Robb as Carrie Bradshaw in the 1980’s. That’s the same girl Sarah Jessica Parker played in the 1990’s. And they really nailed it.

I have no idea what happened to her face in those middle years, but she must wake up screaming about it 5 times a week.

Robb must be relieved though. If I was a teenage girl, and someone said I looked like Sarah Jessica Parker, I would literally punch them in the face as hard as I could. Then I’d run to the bathroom, slam the door and lock it and slide down to the floor in uncontrollable tears. Later I’d carve “ugly” into my arm and take a bunch of laxatives, and a fireman would come through the door with an axe.

image source of sarah jessica parker at the louis vuitton show in paris on march 7, 2012 = getty, of robb last year in hawaii = flynet

Christina Hendricks makes pictures better

By brendon September 13, 2011 @ 9:54 AM

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Christine Hendricks attended the premiere of “I Don’t Know How She Does It” in New York last night, which means everyone else became nothing but scale to gauge the size of her tits. This sounds like a delightful movie by the way. I’d really like to hear more about how Sarah Jessica Parker is so fabulous at EVERYthing, ALL the time, because I’m so amazed by it. I hope there’s like 30 of these.