Scientologists Really Really Angry

By Matt January 27, 2015 @ 7:07 AM

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A new documentary called Going Clear is being roundly applauded at the Sundance Film Festival which likely means it’s cloying and unwatchable. It spills a bunch of beans about Scientology like how they abuse children and subvert labor laws and hypothesizes Nicole Kidman left Tom Cruise because he was way too into the Church although it doesn’t mention his love of the cock. The Church of Scientology is super pissed at film director Alex Gibney and HBO for agreeing to air the movie:

“The Church has documented evidence that those featured in Gibney’s film regurgitating their stale, discredited allegations are admitted perjurers, admitted liars and professional anti-Scientologists whose living depends on the filing of false claims.”

If you need to see a documentary to learn that Scientology isn’t for you, then Scientology probably is for you. There’s nothing inherently wrong with joining a cult and handing over your free will and all your worldly possessions. It’s not really that different than marriage and some guys just don’t do well as adults on their own. So long as the cult isn’t trying to blow up pizza shops, I could care less. Money and power flow from the stupid to the not stupid. That’s human nature. If it wasn’t Scientology, it’d be something else. I’d rather pretend Ethan Hunt is straight for as long as possible.

Photo Credit: Getty Images 

Scientology Rights Wrongs

By Matt January 08, 2015 @ 6:33 AM

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Say what you will about the Church of Scientology being an exploitive cult which engages in blackmail, forced forever labor, and child abuse, because all those things are likely true, but you can’t deny they have a solid Public Relations Department. Two Papa John’s drivers brought over $2000 worth of pizzas to the Scientology Center and weren’t given a tip. Zero. Not even an 8 x 10 glossy of John Travolta’s masseuse having his balls colored in space paint. Nothing. Then someone involved posted the receipts online and people shrugged since this does not make the SportsCenter highlight reel of fucked up shit the Church of Scientology does.

Not surprisingly the Church made up for it by sending the restaurant a $300 tip, after TMZ put the story up. The Church is now busy determining who posted the receipts and sitting outside their apartment in an unmarked van so they can hack their email and find some out of context bachelor party photos. At that point they’ll invite you to a meet and greet where it will be determined you need auditing. First session, $300 bucks. Give it back. You don’t want this kind of heat.

Leah Remini Is Writing A Tell-All About Scientology

By Travis August 05, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

It seemed like actress Leah Remini was trying to keep out of the spotlight in the wake of her decision to leave the Church of Scientology, and that was probably a good idea unless she wanted to be chained to “Lord Xenu’s Radiator of Galactic Peril” on board the SS Fuckin’ CRAZY for the next 60 years. But L. Ron Hubbard’s wrath be damned, because she was all smiles at the 15th annual DesignCare event in Malibu just two weeks ago.

According to US Weekly, Leah revealed at that event that she will be writing a tell-all book about her experiences in Scientology, including “everything that’s taboo to talk about,” which I assume means all of the late night tickle fights between Tom Cruise and church leader David Miscavige, during which Katie Holmes would cry while thinking about how she used to be one of the hottest young actresses in the world.

(Photo Credit: Getty)

Ex-Scientologists Protested At Tom Cruise’s Oblivion Premiere

By Travis April 04, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Last year, while he was filming his new sci-fi movie Oblivion, Tom Cruise was in the middle of his divorce from Katie Holmes. But he needed people to remember that no matter what happened with this, his third divorce, he was still a walking, talking boner machine that loved having sex with hot women. And in this case, it was his co-star Olga Kurylenko.

Of course, even though Olga was dating someone else, she was still linked to Tom, because that’s just how it works when you spend your days with someone who slays as much pussy as he does. So they must have had a good laugh about that when they were together in Ireland last night for the premiere of Oblivion.

They probably also laughed when ex-Scientologist Samantha Domingo showed up to protest in a t-shirt that read, “Scientology Church of Forced Abortions”, referring to her accusations that the church once forced her to get an abortion. “You’re still hung up on that,” Cruise would chuckle before ordering a team of naked men to use their glittery genitals to deflect her evil energy. At least that’s how I assume it went down.

(Photo Credits: WENN.com)

Tom Cruise might be leaving Scientology. But why?

By brendon September 26, 2012 @ 7:07 PM

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This seems unlikely, but Star says Tom Cruise has been distancing himself from Scientology in the wake of his divorce from Katie Holmes and spending more time with non-Scientologist friends because he feels it has hurt him both personally and professionally.

“Tom’s been leaning on friends who have different perspectives, getting advice on moving on from Katie as well as on everything he’s been going through with Scientology,” the insider said. “He’s finally seeing that being such an advocate for Scientology hasn’t served him as well as he’d hoped — he’s gone through three divorces, and his public perception has sunk to an all-time low.”

Hopefully this is true because Tom Cruise is a genuinely nice guy by all accounts. I assume Scientology will try to harass him into staying but just ignore them. They’re basically sci-fi nerds. They’re about as intimidating as those gangs in old movies who walk together in a line snapping their fingers.

Scientologists think Tom Cruise has telepathic powers

By brendon July 11, 2012 @ 2:13 PM

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Tom Cruise has reportedly reached such an advanced level in Scientology that he now has power over the physical universe and can bend the wills of men. And also animals. Because religion and Call of Duty work the same way; you achieve and unlock levels.

Cruise is at the very advanced “OT VII” stage. Operative Thetans (have) total ‘control’ over themselves and their environment. OTs can allegedly move inanimate objects with their minds, leave their bodies at will and telepathically communicate with, and control the behavior of, both animals and human beings.”
“At the highest levels, they are allegedly liberated from the physical universe, to the point where they can psychically control what Scientologists call MEST: Matter, Energy, Space and Time.”

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful but if Sceientolgoy can turn me into some Magneto-Charles Xavier-Aquaman hybrid, they should have advertised that and made it much more clear. Here’s my money. Point me toward the e-meters.

(image source of cruise back on the set of ‘oblivion‘ in mammoth, ca, because despite all that other stuff, tom cruise is a fucking professional who fully commits to every movie he makes = inf)