Scout Willis Might As Well Be Topless

By Lex October 09, 2015 @ 7:25 AM

Scout Willis See Through Top In LA
A topless Willis girl creates a confounding conundrum. I love tits and I’m a fan of Bruce Willis, but Bruce Willis with tits is a picador strike to the ball shed. Yippee-ki-yay, motherfuckers. This just isn’t working.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Miley Cyrus and the Willis Sisters Censor Nipples to Protest Nipple Censorship

By Lex April 16, 2015 @ 9:52 AM

Miley Cyrus Scout Willis And Tallulah Willis Free The Nipple 07
Those protestor chicks in Europe flash their tits anytime a woman anywhere in the world is denied an abortion. Here in the U.S., the idle hands celebrities are fighting for the right to bare their nipples. It’s hard to imagine the combined brain power of Miley Cyrus and the two impossibly less employed Willis sisters came up with this as their Plan A. I’d recommend bringing in somebody from the outside to direct the campaign. You can find somebody with a valid high school diploma on Craigslist for not that much, a little more if you want them and their partner Chaz to four hand massage your dick and not murder you in the afterglow. The Free the Nipple campaign stands at the all important fork in the road. I’d gently rub my nipples with that fork. But that’s me, I have trouble making friends.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Tallulah And Scout Willis Cheerleaders

By Lex March 16, 2015 @ 10:33 AM

Tallulah And Scout Willis Cleavy While Shopping In LA
It’s a big deal when any of the Willis girls lands a gig. Rumer got herself onto Dancing with the Stars where only the top flight of irrelevant celebrities land nine times a year. ABC can’t crank that shit out fast enough. They got the message on Lost. Too many people bitching about purgatory. Why waste the cash. Do you realize how little you have to pay a Willis daughter or a waived gay football player to appear on your dancing show? Glitter don’t need no deep dive fan forums. Tallulah and Scout put on their chin gloss and finest tops and went to support their sister at rehearsal. Any notion of bras was forgotten four day time cocktails ago. Rumer might just take this entire competition. Let me know. I can’t watch. It feels too much like somebody is stepping on my balls.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Scout Willis Is Art

By Lex February 20, 2015 @ 8:33 AM

Scout Willis put her all into her art this past year, producing no less than eight photographs of something resembling her square vagina for a wall in somebody’s basement in London. Willis used the Polaroids Universal Labs process to take cellphone pictures of her lady chunk and turn them into trippy Polaroids like you might’ve seen entourage whores taking during Stones’ recording sessions in the 60′s.

I like to be in control of what I’m making. I’ve seen my parents put everything into a role and then somewhere along the line it becomes about other peoples’ decisions.Scout Willis, artist

I’m sure your parents regret Die Hard and Ghost and wish they had stuck to blurry naked selfies. The three people who walked by looking for the toilet stared at Scout’s arm pit hair and tits for a few moments then complimented her on whatever it is she was doing and carried on for a piss in the loo. Baby steps, Van Gogh with slightly bigger nipples.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Scout And Tallulah Willis in Bondage

By Lex September 22, 2014 @ 9:14 AM

Scout Willis And Tallulah Willis Pose In Bondage Gear Together
I bet Taullulah Willis didn’t tell her rehab counselors her transition back to unsupervised life began with a incestuous topless mistress leather photo shoot with her sister in New York. Lindsay Lohan figured out by the third rehab that you tell the doctors you’re going to move-in with your stable Aunt Helen and read books and do nothing but be the best you you can be for the next three months. You don’t need Oprah getting on your shit. I think there’s some ancient Chinese proverb about two Willis jaws meeting and the earth ending in a volcano of fire. Running would be useless at this point, but I’d still recommend looking away so it’s not the last thing you see before the molten core goes blooey.

Photo Credit: Todd Pendu

Tallulah Willis and Scout Willis Naked Bath Time

By Lex September 19, 2014 @ 9:56 AM

Tallulah Willis Takes A Bath With Her Sister Scout Willis
Some people consider it gross that adult siblings would bathe naked together. I say it’s beautiful. Not so much the thought of two Willis she-brute jaws locked in taboo passion, that actually made me throw up a bit, but Scout taking time out of her busy day of acting once in 1998 to welcome her younger sister out of rehab with a good scrub.

According to the checkout counter rags, the Willis girls are reeling from their dad remarrying some young model and making new babies and mom trying to find somebody even younger and more douchey than Ashton Kutcher to watch her do whip-its with her vagina. Good luck with that. The downside of being celebrity kids is self-absorbed parents. The upside is open calendars and afternoon Caligula baths.

Photo Credit: Instagram