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Selena Gomez Can't Simply Be Dismissed

Everybody has one fucked up fling in their life they can't forget. Some horribly wrong person they fucked and even told they'd love forever only to realize they were tying themselves to some spawn of Satan. Better if it's some chick named Angela who burned your clothes and called your grandmother a whore but who you and your buddies can all agree was crazy hot. Worse if it's a lesbian looking Tom Thumb who is...read more

Nobody Wore Bras to the American Music Awards

Teens, old chicks, strange foreign chicks with pasties who nobody remembers inviting. All the girls went braless last night at the American Music Awards. After watching two minutes of sunken eyed anorexics talking fashion on E!, I discovered braless is a new style trend. I suppose it's better than tiny hats. The Jenner girls don't belong at a music awards show, but you ditch the bra and you're on every short list,...read more

Selena Gomez Hates Old People

If you're famous and banking cash because your mom handed you over to Barney's tiny forearms at a young age, it is your sworn duty to stop the haters. Granted, the haters gonna hate. If nothing else, modern pop music has taught us that. But if you're making a a few mill by data mining the social media accounts of your fans, you have to call out the ones who refuse to blindly compliment you and ask for a follow. It's...read more

Selena Gomez Likes to Challenge Her Breasts

Selena Gomez is in some new movie with Bill Macy which means I won't see it until Amazon Prime tells me everybody's raving about it in about 2017. Selena Gomez recently told Us Weekly which I'm pretty sure just makes up celebrity quotes that she's proud to say she earns all her movie roles and insists on auditions. Which is nice of her not just to roll onto the set of Star Wars and say, take a fucking step back...read more

Jeff Garlin Preferred Selena Young and Fresh

Jeff Garlin protested too much while discussing Selena Gomez. He worked with her on The Wizards of Waverly Place when she was a teen and he played her uncle which makes this whole thing creepier: "I worked with her for three years, and I love her. She is, at least in terms of what I saw, a great kid. But then I see her sexualized. I know she was in 'Spring Breakers' and all that. By the way, I saw 'Spring Breakers,'...read more

Selena Gomez Moving In With Her Boyfriend

According to over three magazines I leafed through at the checkout stand while watching yet another woman argue for smokes with her EBT card, Selena Gomez is moving in with Justin Bieber. This should put her closer to the action watching her miniature boyfriend sizzurp with his jocular entourage and bang teenage runaways who hate their fathers for good reason. I know nobody listens to their friends when they try to...read more

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Selena Gomez Shows Off Her Cleavage In Los Angeles

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, FameFlynet, Pacific Coast Newsread more

Selena Gomez Lesbian Training Day Three: Panties at The Gala

Selena Gomez just completed the Sharon Stone Basic Instinct clips in her lesbian training workshop. She went peekaboo with tautly pulled back hair as she and her lesbian mentor took time away from lapping up milk off each other's hindquarters to visit the Leonard Dicaprio Foundation Gala in St. Tropez. Leo's charity is set up to "protectEarth's last wild places and implementing solutions that create a harmonious...read more

Selena Gomez And Cara Delevingne Wet Lesbianism Day Two

I remember what I got for my 22nd birthday. An eviction notice. Selena Gomez got herself some new tits, a lesbian mentor, and a ride on a billionaire's yacht. Given the option, I would have taken the lesbian tits on a boat thing too. As somebody who's documented lots of girls having sex together via the Internet, I can tell you this thing always starts with girls jumping off high ledges into the water. It's a lesbian...read more

Selena Gomez Is a Lesbian Now

Lesbians are the new revenge fuck. It used to be when a girl wanted to drive home a point with her cheating ex, she'd fuck some handsome tool or maybe even her ex's buddy if she had a bit of sinister in her. Now it's lesbian thunkenmunchers. It's the indisputable implication that you're getting what he could never give you. Michelle Rodriguez or one of her scissor kissing coven like Cara Delevingne are always up for a...read more

Selena Gomez Has Found Her Motto

Selena Gomez perfectly captured her generation's mantra in a new tattoo, which reads Love Yourself First. It was translated from an Arabic phrase, because translating common phrases from a foreign language is a good way to make idiotic tattoos seem exotic. Tats also serve to advertise your global spirituality while not requiring you to actually read a book or even a lengthy pamphlet. Being a Muslim seems cool but I'm...read more

Selena Gomez's New Boobs Are Bittersweet

I can't tell if she had implants or the elasticity of her top is making her commando boobs look bigger than before, but it seems pretty fucking haute couture to me. For those who don't speak the romance languages, Haute couture is French for I show my tits off at parties you're not invited to. Selena had a broken-hearted girl collapse on social media this week apparently related to seeing her mini-Svengali spanking...read more

Selena Gomez's New Rack And Shit Around The Web

Selena Gomez is thinking about getting some big beautiful fake titties to please the little Canadian fella she calls her man. It's a big decision in a young woman's life to get implants, though once you've made the decision to let Justin Bieber be your sexual Svengali, it's not like people are going to judge you on the rest. Read more on the subject of Selena's bad decisions. (IDKYTW) Ben Affleck won't let Jennifer...read more

Selena Gomez Is Free From Justin Bieber's Penis

Selena Gomez has been pretty quiet in recent weeks, at least since she left her rehab stint early to promote some film that nobody cared about at Sundance. Selena was in rehab because she was addicted to love, and she just couldn't get enough of Justin Bieber's big, black dick, and she most recently tried to get over it by helping Orlando Bloom continue to pretend that he didn't make the biggest mistake of his elven...read more

Spring Breakers Is Getting A Sequel

When you're the 126th top grossing film of the year, there's going to be pressure to create a sequel. Even without the original writers, director, and at least half the cast, Spring Breakers will likely be getting a sequel. If you missed it the first time, it was another freaky pedo-leaning Harmony Korine art house film where his young wife got naked with a bunch of other topless girls in bikinis while really fucking...read more