Selena Gomez Has Healed Herself

By Lex March 12, 2014 @ 1:27 PM

Selena Gomez Shows Off Toned Stomach At An Adidas NEO Photo Shoot In New York
Selena Gomez didn’t need no rehab. Just look at her stomach. She’s all better. The drinking and drugs and being addicted to loving that evil walking scrote from Canada are secondary issues compared to getting her abs tight. If Adidas says she’s good enough to sell their shoes, then she’s healthy enough for me.

Photo Credit: Splash

Justin Bieber And Selena Gomez Are Having The Sex Again (VIDEO)

By Travis March 11, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

Now that he’s done showing all the lawyers and Katie Courics out there that he doesn’t have time for their questions as he looks to further detriment his career, Justin Bieber is letting the rest of the world know that Selena Gomez is his one and only. While he’s since deleted the video, Justin posted this clip of him and Selena practicing a very sensual dance routine on Instagram, and these two just seem to be made for each other. In fact, if we could place them inside their own vault and sink it to the bottom of the ocean, they could live happily ever after with each other for the rest of their lives. Of course, the vault would probably break and open up as they descended through a school of starving sharks, and that would just be unfortunate. But at least they’d still be in love.

Don’t Ask Justin Bieber About Selena Gomez

By Travis March 07, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

Whiny jail pisser and douchebag dad enabler Justin Bieber had to sit in a deposition in Miami yesterday for 4 ½ hours, relating not to the drag racing and alleged drunk driving incident but the time that he allegedly ordered his bodyguard to attack a photographer last June. The lawyer for the paparazzi seemed like he was trying to intentionally push Bieber’s buttons to make him act like a total shithead, as TMZ reported that it totally worked. After asking about his relationship with Selena Gomez several times and whether or not she was there when the photographer was attacked, Bieber and his lawyer stood up and walked out of the room while Canada’s Mighty Mouse shouted, “Don’t ask me about her!”

After they returned from a syzzurp session in the Bieb’s SUV, the singer acted like an even bigger hardass, arguing the difference between “Yeah” and “Yes” and by calling the opposing lawyer Katie Couric after he asked another question. The good news out of all of this is that the writers for Franklin and Bash have at least two episodes of fresh material for next season.

Photo Credit: Getty

Selena Gomez Still Looks Pretty Bummed

By Travis February 21, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

Selena Gomez cut her Justin Bieber addiction rehab short so she could go promote a movie that nobody has heard of at Sundance, but yesterday she looked like she could really use a few more months of therapy. This girl is 21 years old, so she shouldn’t be moping around like a 45-year old divorcee over the pinkie-sized cock of her shirtless ex-boyfriend, who has more homoerotic moments with his boys than a professional wrestling show. But here she is wearing your single aunt’s pantsuit while drinking a large soda from Taco Bell, and looking like she’s another dick pic text message away from going full Taylor Swift on us. She needs to bounce back and forget about Justin already, and the best possible way to do that is by joining Michelle Rodriguez and Cara Delevingne for a night of heavy drinking. Just see where it goes and take plenty of pictures.

Photo Credits: WENN.com

Selena Gomez Is Back On The Sauce

By Jack February 18, 2014 @ 3:22 PM

Selena Gomez was caught imbibing the devil’s spirits once again. And, by caught, I mean she posted a selfie. This comes just two weeks after she cut her drinking, pills, and loser boyfriend rehab stint short in Arizona. After only a few days she left to go promote some shitty movie she’s in at Sundance. Apparently Selena was working off the exception in the A.A. handbook that allows for booze if it’s served with whipped cream and a cherry on top. I wonder how many dessert cocktails you have to slurp down before you forget that you gave up your virginity to Justin Bieber. I suppose it’s better to be fat and forgetful than look amazing and remember that little Canadian pecker taking your innocence.

(Photo Via Instagram)

Selena Gomez Ditched Her Bieber Rehab Early

By Travis February 06, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

Because she just can’t get enough of that swaggy, douchebag dick, Selena Gomez recently checked herself into rehab for several substance abuse issues (weed and Ambien, the horrors!) and because she’s pathetically attached to Justin Bieber. Her handlers claimed that she was heading into the Arizona mountains for a two-week therapy program to get over Justin punching her V-card, but TMZ reports that she was actually supposed to be there for six-weeks, and she quit it after two weeks so she could head to Sundance and promote her upcoming movie that nobody cares about. We could criticize Selena for not taking her physical and mental health seriously, but when everyone keeps celebrating drug addicts, it’s kind of hard for a young actress to not want to get a piece of that action.

Photo Credit: Getty