By Travis August 26, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
A lot of semi- to kind-of-sort-of-famous men and women showed up to last night’s MTV Video Music Awards wearing the dumbest fucking outfits that you’ll probably ever see in your lives, and that includes Miley Cyrus, who dressed like a pre-teen boy from 1983 while sticking her tongue out because people are assholes and tell her that’s cool.
But none of them mattered after Selena Gomez showed up with one of her tits hanging out, and that was really a nice thing for her to do. Sure, it’s kind of creepy because she still looks like she’s 15, and she loses hot points because she keeps letting Justin Bieber stick it in her, but hey – a partial tit’s still a tit.
(Photo Credits: Ryan/Andres Otero/WENN.com)
By Lex August 13, 2013 @ 11:28 AM
Miley Cyrus tried to avoid detection from paparazzi by shielding her face with a designer handbag and a sweat shirt with her name printed on it in big bold letters. The photographers grumbled about Miley covering her face with her purse while I can only say it’s how I imagine sex with Miley Cyrus going down in a perfect world.
Here’s Selena Gomez trying not to be spotted by putting a bright orange blanket over her head. I wish I could jump in a time machine and go back to when these girls parents decided that on-set tutoring was just the same as real school.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Travis July 10, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
A lot of people don’t know that Adidas was founded by a member of the Nazi Party back in 1949, after he split from his brother over typical hate monger family bickering. While the Nazi-er Rudolph Dassler went on to found Puma, his brother Adolph Dassler created Adidas, and the two companies went on to feud for decades, while making everyone forget that they were totally down with genocide.
But that was ages ago and Adidas has since made amends for its founder’s allegiance to Hitler by hiring Selena Gomez to design her own line of clothing, called Neo. Obviously, it doesn’t completely erase the mistakes of the past, but that will come with time and a lingerie collection.
(Photo Credits: WENN.com)
By Lex July 01, 2013 @ 4:03 PM
Everybody was buzzing over the weekend because you could see up Selena Gomez’s skirt during her Boston concert. And, by everybody, I mean my oldest nephew who’s secretary-treasurer of his school’s A/V club and probably won’t get much higher. He’s not executive material. He couldn’t even spot Selena’s flesh colored underpants before he was raving to me about how Selena was busting out her vagina in Boston. I tried to explain to him that you don’t ever see a vagina in Boston. They hide in the dark there beneath thick corduroy pants which if you’re lucky you can get down high thigh high to try and perform a narrow target reproductive act while she intermittently curses and repeats the names of the important saints in the backseat of a car model that used to be much bigger twenty years ago. Half the time you discover you’ve been copulating that back middle seat hump for most of the past ten minutes. Still, she’s Catholic, so even if you bust a nut on that god-forsaken part she’s going to get pregnant. My nephew just smiled at me blankly and told me next year he gets the keys to the projector room.
Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin, FameFlynet
By Lex June 25, 2013 @ 2:39 PM
I’m guessing it sucks when you’ve got a best friends with bigger boobs than you’ve got. Not that you have trouble getting guys even with your little girl body. But your friend, she’s got that woman’s body. And all the guys might be hanging around you because your cute and famous and all. But you keep seeing their heads jerking toward your friend with the big titties. And you get jealous. So you treat her unfairly until she no longer wants to be your friend. Then you have to go find other bitter small girls to shop with to find tops that don’t make you look like your twelve. There’s much less drama surrounding a small dick. I’m guessing.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN
By Travis June 20, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
Of course I mean the doughy ginger on the right and not the other guy, who has built an empire out of tricking yokels into coughing up their money for a redneck routine that’s faker than Courtney Stodden’s tits. That guy on the right is singer Ed Sheeran, and if Us Weekly is telling the truth, he’s currently dating Selena Gomez after her 10 millionth split from delicate French prostitute Justin Bieber.
Us claims that Ed and Selena met through their mutual friend Taylor Swift, who also reportedly dated Sheeran during their current tour. If that’s true, it’s only a matter of time before Taylor writes an entire album about jealousy and betrayal, and maybe even falling into a rock crusher. She probably doesn’t have any experience in that last one, but it doesn’t mean we can’t encourage her to try it.
(Photo Credit: Getty)