By Travis November 29, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
Prior to yesterday’s NFL game between the Oakland Raiders and Dallas Cowboys, I’d never actually seen Selena Gomez perform, mainly because I’m not a stupid child. But now that I’ve actually witnessed her alleged talents on display, I’m amazed that this girl is a certified pop star who travels the world and plays for sold out arenas and stadiums, because Selena couldn’t dance if someone put her on a Dance Dance Revolution platform and set a bomb to go off if she got more than one move wrong. But I’m sure that the NFL fans in Arlington were just pleased to watch a halftime performance from someone who so clearly reaches the NFL’s key demographic.
Photo Credits: Forty Seven/WENN.com
By Travis November 08, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Pop singer and former future ex-Mrs. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez attended the Flaunt Magazine issue party last night in Los Angeles, and she definitely lived up to the name of the magazine that she recently appeared in. Selena looked like she’d been sharing a room with her kid sister and she slept through her alarm, causing her to jump out of bed, grab the first clothing item she found, and get dressed while driving to the party. Except the problem with that is Selena already looks like she shops in the kids section, so now it looks like she’s picking up her tight, revealing dresses at a store called Stripper Baby.
Photo Credits: Apega/WENN.com
By Lex October 29, 2013 @ 12:51 PM
If you’re into girls who could Jumpstreet undercover back to middle school and easily pass for twelve, then you’re going to love Selena Gomez. I’m not passing judgement. She’s like twenty or twenty one now so if you want to pretend you’re her naughty homeroom teacher and she was chewing gum in class, go right on ahead. This is a judgement-free zone, you happy sick fuck.
Photo Credit: INFphoto.com
By Travis October 15, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
Being a pop star is no easy task these days, as the majority of music’s biggest artists not only sing their hits to crowded arenas full of screaming fans, but they also dance while they do so. Just ask Selena Gomez, who took a scary tumble while performing during her Star Dance tour in Virginia recently. Fortunately, the singer was okay, as a fan helped her avoid any further injury before a security guard was able to get to her. But as a true testament to Gomez’s signing talents, she never stopped performing her song and her voice didn’t even crack or change as a result. Amazing how that worked out.
By Jack October 14, 2013 @ 12:21 PM
Selena Gomez says that Drake’s anaconda don’t want none of her scrawny ass. Like a lot of people in the artificial world of celebrity, Selena is in love with Drake. But, Selena surmises from her deep life experience growing up in Hollywood that Drake probably has a penchant for big booties:
“I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I don’t think my butt is big enough for Drake.”
It’s a good rule of thumb for life that when someone prefaces something with, “I mean this in the nicest way possible”, that it’s going to be kind of fucked up, or just a tad bit racist. I just don’t get the big fucking deal about Drake. He looks like a million other black Canadian Jews that rose to fame playing a wheelchair bound kid on TV. Why does every girl in Hollywood want to suck on his concocted rapper bone? I suppose if you last boyfriend was Justin Bieber you’re just excited by the prospect of a guy who can lift a box or two when you move.
By Travis September 20, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Pop singer and former Justin Bieber penis pocket Selena Gomez was supposed to be playing two huge shows in Russia next Monday and Wednesday, but now it seems that her week has just opened up. Russian officials denied her visa this week, thus canceling her shows because she’s not allowed in the country. According to E!, the reason is that the government thinks that Selena will act like Madonna and Lady Gaga by speaking up for gay rights, but I thought the plan was for stars to cancel these shows anyway. That way, Russia will only be left with Yakov Smirnoff shows, forcing Vladimir Putin to eventually say, “I’d rather be fucked in the ass than listen to one more joke.”
(Photo Credits: Getty)