Selena Gomez in A Bikini

By Lex October 29, 2013 @ 12:51 PM

If you’re into girls who could Jumpstreet undercover back to middle school and easily pass for twelve, then you’re going to love Selena Gomez. I’m not passing judgement. She’s like twenty or twenty one now so if you want to pretend you’re her naughty homeroom teacher and she was chewing gum in class, go right on ahead. This is a judgement-free zone, you happy sick fuck.

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Selena Gomez Fell During A Concert (VIDEO)

By Travis October 15, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Being a pop star is no easy task these days, as the majority of music’s biggest artists not only sing their hits to crowded arenas full of screaming fans, but they also dance while they do so. Just ask Selena Gomez, who took a scary tumble while performing during her Star Dance tour in Virginia recently. Fortunately, the singer was okay, as a fan helped her avoid any further injury before a security guard was able to get to her. But as a true testament to Gomez’s signing talents, she never stopped performing her song and her voice didn’t even crack or change as a result. Amazing how that worked out.

Selena Gomez Says Her Ass Is Not Enough For Drake

By Jack October 14, 2013 @ 12:21 PM

Selena Gomez says that Drake’s anaconda don’t want none of her scrawny ass. Like a lot of people in the artificial world of celebrity, Selena is in love with Drake. But, Selena surmises from her deep life experience growing up in Hollywood that Drake probably has a penchant for big booties:

“I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I don’t think my butt is big enough for Drake.”

It’s a good rule of thumb for life that when someone prefaces something with, “I mean this in the nicest way possible”, that it’s going to be kind of fucked up, or just a tad bit racist. I just don’t get the big fucking deal about Drake. He looks like a million other black Canadian Jews that rose to fame playing a wheelchair bound kid on TV. Why does every girl in Hollywood want to suck on his concocted rapper bone? I suppose if you last boyfriend was Justin Bieber you’re just excited by the prospect of a guy who can lift a box or two when you move.

Selena Gomez’s Russian Shows Canceled Because Putin Hates The Gays

By Travis September 20, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Pop singer and former Justin Bieber penis pocket Selena Gomez was supposed to be playing two huge shows in Russia next Monday and Wednesday, but now it seems that her week has just opened up. Russian officials denied her visa this week, thus canceling her shows because she’s not allowed in the country. According to E!, the reason is that the government thinks that Selena will act like Madonna and Lady Gaga by speaking up for gay rights, but I thought the plan was for stars to cancel these shows anyway. That way, Russia will only be left with Yakov Smirnoff shows, forcing Vladimir Putin to eventually say, “I’d rather be fucked in the ass than listen to one more joke.”

(Photo Credits: Getty)

Selena Gomez Showed Off Her Legs For Spain

By Travis September 13, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Despite perpetually looking like a trap set by Chris Hansen, Selena Gomez is old enough to drink now and she’s certainly old enough to start wearing more and more risqué outfits at her concerts. And while this white outfit is about as harmless as it gets compared to other pop stars, the fact that you can almost see up Selena’s shorts tells us just how far we’ve come as a society. Between her and Miley Cyrus, I wouldn’t be surprised if we eventually find out that the producers of Hannah Montana were feeding the cast small doses of ecstasy each day so they’d slowly develop into horny little sex goblins.

(Photo Credits: DyD Fotografos/Future Image/

Selena Gomez Fans Like to Choke Out Selena Gomez

By Lex September 09, 2013 @ 3:43 PM

Selena Gomez Giggles As She Leaves Her Concert Hammersmith Apollo In London
Teenage girl fans are fucking insane. I don’t just mean the Taylor Swift junior nazi squad terrorizing social media from behind their anonymous screens. I mean, real life, going cuckoo bat shit. I don’t remember trying to desperately touch anybody outside of the overly developed girls in my school when I was a teen, but apparently frenzied Selena Gomez fans like to try and get very physical with the music star.

“After her performance at the Hammersmith Apollo, Selena Gomez came out to greet her fans, gave autographs and Instagram photos. Before she came out a few rules were laid out by her security. Included in these rules, was to not grab Selena around the neck and not pull her hair…security assured the crowd that this has happened before.” — PacificCoastNews

What? Like panicked drowning victims wreaking havoc on their lifeguard saviors? A primeval instinct for assault brought on by being in such desperately close presence to… Selena Gomez? I’m not suggesting that these girls be rounded up and institutionalized, but Amanda Bynes got locked in her padded room for far less.

Photo Credit: PCN