Selena Gomez Showed Off Her Legs For Spain

By Travis September 13, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Despite perpetually looking like a trap set by Chris Hansen, Selena Gomez is old enough to drink now and she’s certainly old enough to start wearing more and more risqué outfits at her concerts. And while this white outfit is about as harmless as it gets compared to other pop stars, the fact that you can almost see up Selena’s shorts tells us just how far we’ve come as a society. Between her and Miley Cyrus, I wouldn’t be surprised if we eventually find out that the producers of Hannah Montana were feeding the cast small doses of ecstasy each day so they’d slowly develop into horny little sex goblins.

(Photo Credits: DyD Fotografos/Future Image/

Selena Gomez Fans Like to Choke Out Selena Gomez

By Lex September 09, 2013 @ 3:43 PM

Selena Gomez Giggles As She Leaves Her Concert Hammersmith Apollo In London
Teenage girl fans are fucking insane. I don’t just mean the Taylor Swift junior nazi squad terrorizing social media from behind their anonymous screens. I mean, real life, going cuckoo bat shit. I don’t remember trying to desperately touch anybody outside of the overly developed girls in my school when I was a teen, but apparently frenzied Selena Gomez fans like to try and get very physical with the music star.

“After her performance at the Hammersmith Apollo, Selena Gomez came out to greet her fans, gave autographs and Instagram photos. Before she came out a few rules were laid out by her security. Included in these rules, was to not grab Selena around the neck and not pull her hair…security assured the crowd that this has happened before.” — PacificCoastNews

What? Like panicked drowning victims wreaking havoc on their lifeguard saviors? A primeval instinct for assault brought on by being in such desperately close presence to… Selena Gomez? I’m not suggesting that these girls be rounded up and institutionalized, but Amanda Bynes got locked in her padded room for far less.

Photo Credit: PCN

Selena Gomez Picked A Great Dress For The VMAs

By Travis August 26, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

A lot of semi- to kind-of-sort-of-famous men and women showed up to last night’s MTV Video Music Awards wearing the dumbest fucking outfits that you’ll probably ever see in your lives, and that includes Miley Cyrus, who dressed like a pre-teen boy from 1983 while sticking her tongue out because people are assholes and tell her that’s cool.

But none of them mattered after Selena Gomez showed up with one of her tits hanging out, and that was really a nice thing for her to do. Sure, it’s kind of creepy because she still looks like she’s 15, and she loses hot points because she keeps letting Justin Bieber stick it in her, but hey – a partial tit’s still a tit.

(Photo Credits: Ryan/Andres Otero/

Miley Cyrus Wears Miley Cyrus Disguise

By Lex August 13, 2013 @ 11:28 AM

Miley Cyrus tried to avoid detection from paparazzi by shielding her face with a designer handbag and a sweat shirt with her name printed on it in big bold letters. The photographers grumbled about Miley covering her face with her purse while I can only say it’s how I imagine sex with Miley Cyrus going down in a perfect world.

Here’s Selena Gomez trying not to be spotted by putting a bright orange blanket over her head. I wish I could jump in a time machine and go back to when these girls parents decided that on-set tutoring was just the same as real school.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Selena Gomez Makes Adidas Seem Sexy

By Travis July 10, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

A lot of people don’t know that Adidas was founded by a member of the Nazi Party back in 1949, after he split from his brother over typical hate monger family bickering. While the Nazi-er Rudolph Dassler went on to found Puma, his brother Adolph Dassler created Adidas, and the two companies went on to feud for decades, while making everyone forget that they were totally down with genocide.

But that was ages ago and Adidas has since made amends for its founder’s allegiance to Hitler by hiring Selena Gomez to design her own line of clothing, called Neo. Obviously, it doesn’t completely erase the mistakes of the past, but that will come with time and a lingerie collection.

(Photo Credits:

Selena Gomez Upskirt in Boston

By Lex July 01, 2013 @ 4:03 PM

Selena Gomez Upskirt While Preforming At The AMP Radio Bash In Boston
Everybody was buzzing over the weekend because you could see up Selena Gomez’s skirt during her Boston concert. And, by everybody, I mean my oldest nephew who’s secretary-treasurer of his school’s A/V club and probably won’t get much higher. He’s not executive material. He couldn’t even spot Selena’s flesh colored underpants before he was raving to me about how Selena was busting out her vagina in Boston. I tried to explain to him that you don’t ever see a vagina in Boston. They hide in the dark there beneath thick corduroy pants which if you’re lucky you can get down high thigh high to try and perform a narrow target reproductive act while she intermittently curses and repeats the names of the important saints in the backseat of a car model that used to be much bigger twenty years ago. Half the time you discover you’ve been copulating that back middle seat hump for most of the past ten minutes. Still, she’s Catholic, so even if you bust a nut on that god-forsaken part she’s going to get pregnant. My nephew just smiled at me blankly and told me next year he gets the keys to the projector room.

Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin, FameFlynet