Selena Gomez’s Russian Shows Canceled Because Putin Hates The Gays

By Travis September 20, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Pop singer and former Justin Bieber penis pocket Selena Gomez was supposed to be playing two huge shows in Russia next Monday and Wednesday, but now it seems that her week has just opened up. Russian officials denied her visa this week, thus canceling her shows because she’s not allowed in the country. According to E!, the reason is that the government thinks that Selena will act like Madonna and Lady Gaga by speaking up for gay rights, but I thought the plan was for stars to cancel these shows anyway. That way, Russia will only be left with Yakov Smirnoff shows, forcing Vladimir Putin to eventually say, “I’d rather be fucked in the ass than listen to one more joke.”

(Photo Credits: Getty)

Selena Gomez Showed Off Her Legs For Spain

By Travis September 13, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Despite perpetually looking like a trap set by Chris Hansen, Selena Gomez is old enough to drink now and she’s certainly old enough to start wearing more and more risqué outfits at her concerts. And while this white outfit is about as harmless as it gets compared to other pop stars, the fact that you can almost see up Selena’s shorts tells us just how far we’ve come as a society. Between her and Miley Cyrus, I wouldn’t be surprised if we eventually find out that the producers of Hannah Montana were feeding the cast small doses of ecstasy each day so they’d slowly develop into horny little sex goblins.

(Photo Credits: DyD Fotografos/Future Image/

Selena Gomez Fans Like to Choke Out Selena Gomez

By Lex September 09, 2013 @ 3:43 PM

Selena Gomez Giggles As She Leaves Her Concert Hammersmith Apollo In London
Teenage girl fans are fucking insane. I don’t just mean the Taylor Swift junior nazi squad terrorizing social media from behind their anonymous screens. I mean, real life, going cuckoo bat shit. I don’t remember trying to desperately touch anybody outside of the overly developed girls in my school when I was a teen, but apparently frenzied Selena Gomez fans like to try and get very physical with the music star.

“After her performance at the Hammersmith Apollo, Selena Gomez came out to greet her fans, gave autographs and Instagram photos. Before she came out a few rules were laid out by her security. Included in these rules, was to not grab Selena around the neck and not pull her hair…security assured the crowd that this has happened before.” — PacificCoastNews

What? Like panicked drowning victims wreaking havoc on their lifeguard saviors? A primeval instinct for assault brought on by being in such desperately close presence to… Selena Gomez? I’m not suggesting that these girls be rounded up and institutionalized, but Amanda Bynes got locked in her padded room for far less.

Photo Credit: PCN

Selena Gomez Picked A Great Dress For The VMAs

By Travis August 26, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

A lot of semi- to kind-of-sort-of-famous men and women showed up to last night’s MTV Video Music Awards wearing the dumbest fucking outfits that you’ll probably ever see in your lives, and that includes Miley Cyrus, who dressed like a pre-teen boy from 1983 while sticking her tongue out because people are assholes and tell her that’s cool.

But none of them mattered after Selena Gomez showed up with one of her tits hanging out, and that was really a nice thing for her to do. Sure, it’s kind of creepy because she still looks like she’s 15, and she loses hot points because she keeps letting Justin Bieber stick it in her, but hey – a partial tit’s still a tit.

(Photo Credits: Ryan/Andres Otero/

Miley Cyrus Wears Miley Cyrus Disguise

By Lex August 13, 2013 @ 11:28 AM

Miley Cyrus tried to avoid detection from paparazzi by shielding her face with a designer handbag and a sweat shirt with her name printed on it in big bold letters. The photographers grumbled about Miley covering her face with her purse while I can only say it’s how I imagine sex with Miley Cyrus going down in a perfect world.

Here’s Selena Gomez trying not to be spotted by putting a bright orange blanket over her head. I wish I could jump in a time machine and go back to when these girls parents decided that on-set tutoring was just the same as real school.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Selena Gomez Makes Adidas Seem Sexy

By Travis July 10, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

A lot of people don’t know that Adidas was founded by a member of the Nazi Party back in 1949, after he split from his brother over typical hate monger family bickering. While the Nazi-er Rudolph Dassler went on to found Puma, his brother Adolph Dassler created Adidas, and the two companies went on to feud for decades, while making everyone forget that they were totally down with genocide.

But that was ages ago and Adidas has since made amends for its founder’s allegiance to Hitler by hiring Selena Gomez to design her own line of clothing, called Neo. Obviously, it doesn’t completely erase the mistakes of the past, but that will come with time and a lingerie collection.

(Photo Credits: