SPOILER ALERT: I don’t want to ruin the surprise, but the above picture has been edited. The picture of Chelsea Handler. From a videotape that she made 10 years ago. In her bedroom. Here is the NSFW version. There’s a reason she has that look on her face, and it’s not because someone gave her an I Love You bear.
Although the I Love You bear can also have that effect on women.
The tape, which was made nearly a decade ago after Chelsea moved to Los Angeles starts out with Chelsea turning on the camera in what appears to be her apartment. During the first part of the tape, Chelsea is fully clothed in her work uniform. She begins by introducing herself by name before going into a stand-up routine before suddenly cutting to Chelsea and her male partner engaging in an explicit sex act.
Just for the record, I would totally have sex with Chelsea Handler. She’s pretty, but just barely not pretty enough to be confident about it. Those girls are always the best in bed. You just have to make it seem like you’re doing them a favor, and then you can pretty much do whatever you want. Another good trick is to point a gun at them.
(UPDATE - the links had to be taken down, so now this whole thing is kind of pointless. I would just skip it if I were you.)
I’m waiting for the books-on-tape version, but for everyone who wanted the movie version, the Shauna Sands sex tape went on sale yesterday. Or if you knew where to look it was available for free yesterday + 30 seconds. I can’t host that kind of thing on a delightful site like Tyler, but lots of people have links where you can download full scenes.
Here is one of those links now, for example (NOTE - please understand this is not a preview or a clip, but a very NSFW full scene from a sex tape. No one under 18 can download this, because it’s illegal, and also because it would make the baby Jesus cry). In this scene, the penis of Shauns boyfriend appears to have suffered a burn of some kind. So Shauna drips ice cream on it to cool it down. Her first aid completed, she then licks it off, because that’s perfectly good ice cream, and she’s not made of money you know.
Here is a link to download only the thrilling conclusion of that very same clip, and I don’t want to ruin the surprise ending, but it turns out that Shauna is a very good girl, and an excellent role model for all the girls who go out with me.
The Gawker site Fleshbot is a really good website and I have it bookmarked but they owe everyone an apology for claiming this was going to be a sex tape. “This” of course meaning the much publicized home video of Eric Dane (of Greys Anatomy) Kari Ann Peniche (of Miss Teen USA) and Rebbecca Gayheart (of several LA courtrooms). Call me a fag if you want but … actually wait. No, no don’t do that. In fact if you could sugarcoat all your criticism that would be great. With my girlfriend leaving me and all, I’m just in a very delicate spot right now, confidence wise.
(see the standing-around-not-having-sex sex-tape here.
