The biggest mistake people make in life is confusing luck with skill. The good corporate folks at SyFy loved the social media attention they got for Sharknado so they decided to air the campy movie in 200 theaters around the country over the weekend. Despite misconstruers of fact like Deadline.com reporting Sharknado in theaters as a big success, the Hollywood Reporter suggested that the film did less than $1000 per screen or about 80 drunk dudes per theater yelling ‘Sharknado!’ and talking about how all the hot girls in town are angry lesbians. Let it go, Sharknado machine. You’re the Cee Lo Green of movies. Disappear for five years, pack on 120 pounds, and come back with a second hit.
Here’s Tara Reid showing off her tits at the Sharknado theatrical premiere. They won’t be in the already announced sequel. So, set your DVR and count the minutes until you don’t see her boobs again.
Production for Sharknado 2 will be underway soon without Tara Reid. The former star will not be rejoining the cast of the movie where sharks fall from the skies even though Ian Ziering will return as hero Finley ‘Fin’ Shepherd. This in spite of the fact that Tara’s character survived the massive shark attack. In the original Sharknado Reid played Ziering’s estranged wife and a lot of the movie is spent trying to reunite them through all the badly rendered CGI sharky action. No specific reason was given for Tara not being asked back for Sharknado 2. But, it’s certainly a slap in the face.
I can’t imagine a clearer sign that it’s time to call it quits than when the sequel to Sharknado doesn’t want you. That’s pretty fucking bad. I mean, it’s one thing when real movies with plots and distribution deals don’t want to risk you ruining their productions, but Sharknado 2? That’s bad. Real bad. Maybe it’s time to apply to Starbucks, Tara. No, not the one in the fancy mall, that one that opened up in the janky part of town as a deal to appease the city council.