Former, and by “former” I mean “thirteen years ago”, Playboy Playmate Shauna Sand wore one of her fancy outfits last night as she drove her daughter to have dinner with her dad, Shaunas ex husband Lorenzo Lamas.
Her daughter is handling this better than I am, but she’s been conditioned to it. I get an occasional (and merciful) break. If my nipples looked like I’d been branded, I would fight someone to the grave if they tried to take a picture of them, but she doesn’t seem to mind. Her scarring is insane, like her nipples were sewn on with leather string. If her nipple was a straight line it would look like a scarecrows mouth.
(UPDATE - the links had to be taken down, so now this whole thing is kind of pointless. I would just skip it if I were you.)
I’m waiting for the books-on-tape version, but for everyone who wanted the movie version, the Shauna Sands sex tape went on sale yesterday. Or if you knew where to look it was available for free yesterday + 30 seconds. I can’t host that kind of thing on a delightful site like Tyler, but lots of people have links where you can download full scenes.
Here is one of those links now, for example (NOTE - please understand this is not a preview or a clip, but a very NSFW full scene from a sex tape. No one under 18 can download this, because it’s illegal, and also because it would make the baby Jesus cry). In this scene, the penis of Shauns boyfriend appears to have suffered a burn of some kind. So Shauna drips ice cream on it to cool it down. Her first aid completed, she then licks it off, because that’s perfectly good ice cream, and she’s not made of money you know.
Here is a link to download only the thrilling conclusion of that very same clip, and I don’t want to ruin the surprise ending, but it turns out that Shauna is a very good girl, and an excellent role model for all the girls who go out with me.
SHAUNA SAND - Put down your coffee and brace yourself, because here comes shocking news: Shauna Sand has decided to stop fighting the release of her sex tape, claiming a lawsuit could be “long and expensive”. Yeah, I got some something long and expensive for you right here baby! Wait. Wait that didn’t make any sense. (tmz)
PARANORMAL ACTIVITY - won the weekend box office with a solid 22M. In its 5th week out, it beat the debut of the much higher profile ‘Saw 6′ by 7.2M. ‘Paranormal’ has now made $62,477,000. Which is $62,462,000 more than it cost to make. It’s the best return on an investment since I got those leather pants. Settle down ladies, there’s plenty of Brendon to go around. (mojo)
ZOMBIE BILLY MAYS - is sure to be this years “not as clever as you thought” Halloween costume, and his son is actually encouraging it by holding a contest for people dressed like his dad, dead or alive. I couldn’t decide what costume to buy, but I tried on one as a member of the Jokers gang in ‘the Dark Knight’. I put on the mask and the fake gun, then went next door to the bank to ask the teller if she liked it. She was a real bitch. All she did was yell at me and call the cops! (people)
AUDRINA PATRIDGE - I don’t know why I’m so attracted to Audrina Patridge, and I don’t know what’s going on in these pictures, but I do know what big tits and half-shirts are. Those are the things giving me an near painful erection right now. (12 more starting here. source = fame)
You may have to wait until you make your own sex tape with Shauna Sand to see a Shauna Sand sex tape, because despite the professional lighting and camera work of the tapes she made, she’s still claiming she never intended for them to be seen by the public.
Shauna’s lawyer, Brooks Holcomb has fired off a letter to Vivid Entertainment, demanding that he “cease and desist” from hawking the video.
Holcomb claims the tape was “not created or intended for sale or public distribution.”
And the lawyer is asking Vivid to ante up “written proof” that it has authority to release it. Shauna says she never gave permission.
Shaunas former step-daughter and Bachelor winner Shayne Lamas has implied this tape is only being released to take attention away from Shayne and her new show on E!
“Isn’t that convenient that her tape just happened to be leaked the day after my show premiered,” she said, referring to her family’s new E! reality show, “Leave it to Lamas.”
Seriously, the tape looks as good as any porno. Considering how much effort she went through to make it, it’s hard to believe she did all that for her own satisfaction. It would be like sending you hand flowers then taking it on a romantic moonlit walk on the beach before masturbating.
(hq jump here. source = pacific coast and wenn)
It’s like 3:30am right now and History International has a bunch of shows on about the Pacific Theater in WWII and Mt Suribachi and the Battle of Okinawa, and the commercials during this are exactly what you might expect would be on History International at 3:30am during a bunch of shows about WWII and Mt Suribachi and the Battle of Okinawa. Point being, when did “Not Sold In Stores” become some brag-able badge of honor? All hearing that does is make me think your product sucks. It’s not like stores are some elitist private club. They sell things. For money. That’s what they do. It’s why people go. So am I to believe that you people in the commercials prefer doing it this way, or that the store told you and your crappy product to go F yourselves? I notice Coke isn’t selling cans one by one through the mail. If you wrote Not Admitted To Any College! on a job application, I’m pretty sure whoever read it wouldn’t be tricked into thinking it was because you were a little too awesome. Companies do this shit all the time. They have something that is clearly inferior or at best useless and instead of having the god damn decency to hide it they tell you that’s precisely what makes it so amazing. Like the box for Teddy Grahams says “made with wholesome graham goodness”. What the fuck is graham? When did that become some vitamin rich superfood? It’s just a cookie, right? Not once has my doctor ever told me I haven’t been getting enough cookie. Saturn used to do the same thing with their dent-resistant doors. They replaced steel with plastic and told you this was way better. And the commercial showed a shopping cart rolling into their plastic door and then not denting. All that would be terrific if we could get drunks to stumble out of a bar and drive shopping carts around a parking lot. Until then, enjoy driving around your killing chamber with its pristine yet otherwise worthless doors.
Anyway, Shauna Sand went to the beach. Miami. Bikini. Tits.
Ta-da!
Shauna Sands areola look like they were taken off with a can opener, but please don’t think that would dissuade her in any way from showing her tits to strangers. Like she did Saturday in Miami. Unfortunately, if you take advantage of the fact that her tits look like surprised Garfield eyes, her tan lines mess it up and make him look sinister. I tried adding a pie because he’s fat, but he still looked like an evil villain. After that I thought maybe lasagna would be better than pie, but then I realized I was way more concerned with making Shaunas tits appealing than Shauna was, and if she doesn’t care why the hell should I.
(10 topless pics here. hq jump here. source = splash news online)
