Shelly Sterling Gets Her Shit Back

By Lex April 15, 2015 @ 8:51 AM

The timeless battle between unstoppable shrew and unmovable whore ended when a judge ruled that V. Stiviano had to return the condo and the Bentley and other expensive gifts totaling $2.8 million from Donald Sterling back to Shelly Sterling because Stiviano never Quickbooks invoiced him formally for handies. Shelly Sterling argued that Stiviano suckered her batshit crazy husband into giving her the booty that was rightfully community property between the couple. Donald Sterling supported the argument by drooling in court and asking why Don the Chink won’t let him in the back door at Staples any longer. It’s kind of a sad day for hustlers, also for dignity and the expression of any earnest human emotions.

In court, Stiviano claimed that Donald Sterling was both a ‘father figure and lover’ which caused the stenographer¬†to hurl and the judge to bring down the gavel in favor of Sterling. He did rule Stiviano didn’t have to pay back $200,000 in credit card expenses on Sterling’s card because she had stroked his crinkled penis on more than one occasion and you couldn’t put a price tag on that horror. Though, if you did, it would be around $200,000.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Donald Sterling Back to Suing

By Matt June 10, 2014 @ 2:27 PM

Donald Sterling And Other Terrible People

Billionaire racist and aficionado of conniving and possibly transgendered women of undetermined racial makeup with lengthy criminal histories Donald Sterling has decided to go back on his word and sue the NBA for forcing him to sell The Clippers. Sterling, who either has early onset dementia or is falsely advertising this fact to cover for his demented statements, had apparently agreed to let the team go without a fight and spend his remaining days enjoying Archie Bunker clips and listening to David Allan Coe records. Sterling claims he was tricked by his high school sweetheart wife Shelly Sterling into signing away his control of the team as she presented the handoff as a routine document to evict the darkies from one of his many apartment buildings. It sucks when your wife keeps going around your back trying to clean up your hooker messes by getting you a couple billion dollars in Microsoft money. Shelly may be a thunderous cluck of a woman, but she knows good business. If Plan A was tricking Donald into signing some paperwork, Plan B will move onto strychnine¬†in the laxative suppositories. Shelly Sterling doesn’t strike me as a woman who’s ever needed a Plan C.

Photo Credit: Getty Images