By Lex July 24, 2014 @ 10:21 AM
The difference between the loons and the drunks is always revealed at court dates. The loons still look fucking crazy heading into court. The lushes clean up nice for the judge. Shia LaBeouf looked pretty damn dapper as he faced the court to explain why he was harassing the homeless and disrupting an off-Broadway run of Cabaret last month. I’m sure he said something like, I was super fucking drunk, now I’m getting help, it’ll never happen again. The judge knows there’s a 98% likelihood that the help won’t hold, but we don’t white people with legal teams to prison, so expect 100 hours of Shia teaching school children how drinking doesn’t make you less of an asshole.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News
By Jack July 02, 2014 @ 3:32 PM
Shia LaBeouf might have checked himself into rehab only we aren’t calling it rehab. We’re calling it “care and treatment for alcohol addiction”. He has a lot to ponder while in treatment for alcohol addiction, like all the people he has hurt with his drinking, the trust issues he’s created, and how his annoying punk mug put the nail in the coffin of the Indiana Jones movie franchise.
Read more about Shia’s twelve steps to being less of s douchenozzle. (The Superficial)
Hermione has the U.K. INS on her ass for employing foreign servants. (The Huffington Post)
Sarah Hyland still looks like a high school girl, but she’s 23 and in a bikini. (Drunken Stepfather)
Wu-Tang associate rapper who cut off his dick now wants to do porn. (Dlisted)
Football player Warren Sapp stiffs a waiter and acts like a little bitch. (Deadspin)
Nicole Scherzinger had a problem with puking up her food. You don’t fucking say? (Fox News)
(Photo Via Fox News)
By Matt June 27, 2014 @ 3:53 PM
Shia LeBeouf was apparently trying to steal food from a homeless guy hours before he was arrested for being a drunk and disorderly asshole at Studio 54. In the coming weeks LeBeouf will announce he’s going to rehab, but some behavior is just unforgivable. I don’t care if LeBeouf was on four hits of Avicii’s ecstasy and thought the McDonald’s bag was his soul and the fries were the demons he was charged with exorcising. Stealing food from a homeless guy is right up there with punching a baby if you’re making a list of shit that only comic book villains do. Getting juiced doesn’t cause you to do things out of character, it causes you to do things precisely on character. Mel Gibson hates the Jews. He contains it when he’s sober. Clearly LeBeouf has some deep seeded desire to destroy humanity, possibly something he picked up from his time with Megatron. Shia’s window for sympathy closed up several years ago. He’s in Lohan territory. Strangers will start showing up to hearings asking that his probation be denied just because they own pets or children or used bookstores in the area. If you have LaBeouf stock, now would be the time to sell. Well, yesterday technically.
Photo credit: Splash News
By Lex June 27, 2014 @ 8:33 AM
It’s hard to imagine Shia LaBeouf in tears without a woman or prepubescent boy child striking him first. But it’s true. On the night that he had to witness the acting mannequin Mark Wahlberg replace him in the latest Transformers installment, LaBeouf visited a legit performance of Cabaret at Studio 54 where he smoked, made disruptive comments, and refused to leave when asked. When the N.Y.P.D. arrived on scene dangling handcuffs, Shia summoned the rage of his ancestors and his martial arts training and began to cry.
You know how sympathetic the New York police can be. They allowed Shia five minutes before they beat him with rubber truncheons wrapped in sanitary pads so as to leave no marks. Shia was taken to the 18th precinct for booking on charges of criminal trespass, disorderly conduct, and crying like a fucking pussy. Remember when we decided that it wasn’t worth discussing whether Shia was running some obnoxious performance art shtick or he really was a total feckless moron? Maybe you missed that meeting, but it was fucking lively.
By Lex May 05, 2014 @ 1:33 PM
Summer in L.A is a total fucking crap shoot. Down one boulevard you might find Sofia Vergara’s tits hanging out of her top. Take an unfortunate right and you’ve got Shia LaBeouf’s scrote dangling like a freshly shorn poodle. Not every man enjoys the confidence to jump rope commando at a West Hollywood gym, but not every man is Shia LaBeouf. Hate the plagiarizing walking puncture wound all you like, but just be thankful today isn’t the day Shia’s reaper dick swings your way and makes you his bitch.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Travis March 03, 2014 @ 12:00 PM
There were no Oscar parties for Shia LaBeouf this weekend, as the most annoying asshole in show business continued his surprisingly normal trend of dressing like a lower class loser and buying stuff from random convenience stores. There’s a chance he might have been on his way to some kind of industry event, though, because he didn’t look like a homeless man who just took a shit on the floor in the frozen foods section of a Safeway as much as he looked like an unemployed, divorced dad who was on his way to see his kids for the court-approved 15 minutes before getting kicked out of a strip club for tipping with Monopoly money. This guy will be back to making Indiana Jones movies in no time.
Photo Credits: Cousart/JFXimages/WENN.com