Simon Monjack slept with his dead wifes mom

By brendon August 18, 2010 @ 10:45 AM

Brittany Murphy cracks a smile and kisses her husband at the air

As you know, Simon Monjack was that worthless tub of shit who somehow tricked Brittany Murphy into marrying him, and who seemed suspicious as hell when she died.

Well now take every uncomfortable shiver that ever went up your spine when you thought about him and multiply that by one hundredy quillion.

The L.A. Coroner’s Office just released their report on Simon Monjack’s death.
In the report, the investigator documents an exchange with a person (later identified as) Brittany’s mother, Sharon Murphy.
The investigator and (Sharon) were going through the master bedroom in the Hollywood Hills home that Simon shared with Brittany … when (Sharon) pointed to one side of Simon’s bed and identified it as “her side of the bed.”

This could maybe be creppier, but only if they also indicated what part of the bed Brittanys corpse slept on, and if there was a bunch of sex toys littering the ground. And not even normal sex toys, but like a dildo attached to a two-stroke diesel engine with a picture of a grizzly bear on the side.

simon monjack is dead

By brendon May 24, 2010 @ 7:45 AM

Brittany Murphy cracks a smile and kisses her husband at the air

Last Thursday was the 5 month anniversary of the death of Brittany Murphy. It was December 20th when her mom found her dead in the shower of the Hollywood Hills home she shared with her husband, Simon Monjack. But this is Hollywood, 5 months is an eternity. It’s time for a gritty reboot!

Simon Monjack was found dead late Sunday night at his home in the Hollywood Hills… and both bodies were discovered by the same woman.
Brittany’s mother, Sharon Murphy, found Monjack unconscious in the master bedroom around 9:30PM, and then called 911.  
Monjack was pronounced dead sometime after paramedics arrived … when resuscitation efforts failed.
Monjack reportedly died from cardiac arrest, though nothing officially has been determined.

This guy was 90 percent doughnut so cardiac arrest is a safe bet. But he was a real piece of shit so hopefully it was something worse than that. Like suicide, or even better Brittanys ghost came to visit him, and it was like ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’ where at first she was real pretty but then she turned into a monster and chased his fat ass around the house until he died.

tuesday morning headlines

By brendon March 02, 2010 @ 12:54 PM

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LINDSAY LOHAN - is 23, and Roberto Cavalli is 69. Good luck trying to figure out which one to feel sorry for. (wenn)

JAY LENO - is planning a week of shows in New York City, to beat Letterman “on his home turf”. Leno will be great there. I bet he’ll have some real zingers about how the Knicks aren’t very good at basketball. This guy doesn’t care whose toes he steps on. (pop eater)

DARYL HANNAH - is naked in her new movie, and the Sun has a few pictures. She might have the best naked body of any 50 year old I’ve ever seen, and I base that on comparisons to absolutely nothing. Or did you think this was some kind of geriatric lust website. (the sun)

SIMON MONJACK - is SOL because Brittany Murphy left him out of her will. I went one year into the future to question him about this, but he was too busy asking a cat if it was gonna finish that Meow Mix. (us.com)

JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT - somehow pulled a super tight dress over her fat hips last night. If you don’t feel like clicking the link, just imagine what it looks like right after a python swallows a pig. (daily mail)

simon monjack is angry, fat

By brendon March 01, 2010 @ 3:55 PM

37214PCN_Monjack

Over the weekend, The New York Post reported that Brittany Murphy filled a prescription for Vicodin just 11 days before she died. And then took 109 of them. That’s 2.42 vicodin (*) per hour for the last 11 days of her life. Her dipshit husband told Radar the story is a lie, and they might sue the Post because of it.

“Dr. Cohen prescribed the pills to (Brittanys mom).  Dr. Cohen has never prescribed anything to Brittany.  He’s never, ever seen Brittany.”
“This is so defamatory and ridiculous.  It benefits no one when these lies are propagated.”

And yet Brittany did have vicodin (hydrocodone) in her system when she died, so God only knows what this retards point is. Granted I don’t really know how drugs work. To be honest I can barely even form a complete sentence. But a buddy of mine who is a Neurosurgical Resident at The U dumbed down all the stuff in her autopsy for me. Full text here, but here’s (SPOILER ALERT!) the summary…

…that’s a lot of sedative medications, and a lot of drug/drug interactions that can cause serious respiratory depression. It’s a lot of unnecessary medications.

After that he said, “A competent physician would treat her pneumonia, rather than just drown everything with pain killers if you know what I mean.” And I said, “I sure do, haha!”.   And then I nervously laughed some more while praying there would be no follow up question.

(*) Maybe. I at math, as bad as right words.

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brittany murphys autopsy is complete

By brendon February 25, 2010 @ 6:35 PM

x2bm5

When Brittany Murphy died, her husband Simon Monjack was adamant that it was a shocking tragedy, and was baffled when asked for any explanation.

“This is what’s killing all of us? How did it happen?”
Asked point-blank if a drug overdose was a possible cause of death, Monjack replied, “I can get rid of that one right now,” he says. “She has never, and I repeat NEVER, done drugs. There are no drugs involved.”

Ahem…

The Los Angeles Coroner’s Office released the full autopsy report for Brittany Murphy on Thursday, which revealed new details surrounding her death and drug use (and) a breakdown of what drugs were found in her system.

And those are: Propranolol (a sedative), Hydrocodone (a morphine-like pain killer), Phenazopyridine (pain killer generally taken after surgery), Fluoxetine (aka Prozac), Dextromethorphan (in some doses it’s cough syrup, in others it’s a hallucinogenic), Chlorpheniramine (allergy medicine), and methamphetamines (methamphetamines).

I have to say, for a girl who let this tub of shit flop around on top of her, I’m surprised she only took 6 sedatives and/or pain killers. I would have done all that, chased it with scotch and then had someone drop a safe on my head.

monday afternoon headlines

By brendon February 15, 2010 @ 5:52 PM

EXCLUSIVE: Charlotte Church & Family Relaxing Poolside In Dubai

THE BRITTANY MURPHY FOUNDATION – has been shut down. The charity started by her ex-husband never filed for charity status, meaning he could spend the money however he wanted. Calling this a charity is the most deceptive name since “glory hole”. (wonderwall)

TIGER WOODS – allegedly got his porn star girlfriend pregnant. Twice. Once she had an abortion, and the other time she had a miscarriage after the baby fell out of her cavernous, porn-star sized vagina. (times of london)

ROBERT PATTINSON – tells Details magazine, “I really hate vaginas. I’m allergic to vaginas.” Hopefully this mean he’s gay. In fact if every guy better looking than me would go gay, that would be terrific. (popeater)

AMANDA BYNES – has gone black. On twitter she wrote that she prefers chocolate to vanilla, possibly alluding to Kid Cudi. Although she’s never admitted to dating him. Is she worried about being black balled? If so that would be ironic. (huffington post)

CHARLOTTE CHURCH – better not try to fly Southwest. (source of her this weekend in Dubai = flynet)