Snooki Got Married

While you weren't caring, Snooki ornately married the first dude who didn't ask to finish on her tits. He's a good solid something or other who accepts the fact Snooki looks radically altered from when they first met. I can see dramatic plastic surgery having a positive effect on a relationship. Whether you're married to a great looking woman or a reality TV box troll that reeks of agar, at some point you want to wake...read more

Country Troll Is Getting Married, City Troll Comes to Visit

Snooki already has some number of babies by some dude I thought she was already married to. I guess that never happened. With a new reality show for the mummified and brain dead, the production team has the nuptials keyed in for the season. Bachelorette parties for sliced-up former cast members of Jersey Shore always score well in the ratings. Especially when one of the cast ends up in tears and dislodges a reasonable...

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Snooki Announced That She's Having A Snooki (VIDEO)

In what is probably the most important announcement that will be made this year, MTV star and living, breathing condom commercial Snooki revealed to her fans that she's expecting a girl. We already knew that she was pregnant, obviously, but we didn't know the gender and she could have been having another boy or her first daughter, or even a bottle of bronzer that possesses the world's purest form of herpes. It's great...

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Snooki's Dream Home Is Going To Be So Big

Now that she and her boyfriend, Jionni LaValle, are expecting their second child, it's time for Snooki to have a proper home for her growing family. She posted this photo of her under-construction dream home to Instagram, and just look at all the space that they'll have to chase the children around at night before putting them to bed, and reading a bedtime story as a family. "Once upon a time," Snooki will say with a...

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What Is The Exact Opposite Of A MILF?

MTV held its big Upfront event last night in New York City to announce that the network is still in the business of making of the worst and most morally reckless shows on television, which is why Snooki and JWoww seemed so proud to help announce that their show has been renewed for a fourth season. This is pretty big news for the best friends and stars of the Jersey Shore series, because they're both pregnant right...

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Snookie Is More Fertile Than a Rat

The Zero Population whackjobs have another strong case for sterilizing all humans as news came out that Snookiis once more pregnantwith a short drunk baby. Though she's keeping her fermenting brood under wraps, it seems Snooki's acted as the fetid garden for baby daddy Jionni LaValle's greasy seed for the second time now. The two already spawned a mythical creature of the dark named Lorenzo and are currently planning...

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Snooki Can Smell Booze In Her Tit Milk

What's anatomically left of Original Snooki has given up alcohol after drinking so much she could smell the booze in her breast milk. There's an image that will leave you not hungry for 72 hours. Snooki has tried to give up her dirty drunk whore ways and her original face since pushing out her womb weasel Lorenzo. But she occasionally still let loose like it was 2008 with her gal pals. All those years of living off a...

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Snooki Has Sex Toy Plans for Miley Cyrus

Snooki thinks that she and Miley Cyrus should be best friends and have the sluttiest Christmas ever. The pint-sized Guido came to Miley's defense saying that she sees a lot of her gnarled trollish self in Miley. Snooki believes that the two clam carriers could really do some damage this holiday season, buying rubber dicks and sexually assaulting Santa: "I feel like I would get her a lot of Christmas presents that...

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Everybody Proud of Pauly D For Knocking Up a Cocktail Waitress

Pauly D just discovered he has a baby girl by way of a cocktail waitress he banged one night last year. Yeah, I know, he's kind of proud too. "I'm proud I'm a father. I am excited to embark on this new part of my life." And who wouldn't be feeling like he just took home the Heisman after getting loaded and banging a baby into a bar waitress in an alley way. It's a real thing. But the pride parade was only just...

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Snooki's Own Tits Disgust Her

I'm not sure why Snooki picked just her tits, but apparently the little marmot is disgusted by her own boobs since giving birth to her first bastard baby last year. My boobs are disgusting. My boobs are hanging, my boobs got so big. You can't see now because I have a bra – I have a Victoria's Secret Wonder Bra on – but when I don't, they just sag and it's like skin, so I am thinking of getting a boob job maybe … I...

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Is God Trying to Smite Snooki?

First He sent a hurricane, then a conflagration, trying to strike down the little imp. Seaside Heights had to go, like a modern day Gomorrah, for it spawned the likes of Snooki and her short and sweaty cohorts that taught Italian Americans to hate themselves again. If the Old Testament big man full of brimstone now takes out the Dancing with the Stars set, fat women and gay men will take to riot in the streets. You...

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Snooki Now Weighs Less Than a Baby Dolphin

Ah, baby dolphins are so cute. I think. I don't really know. I do know at some point they grow up into adult sized dolphins and try to forcibly inseminate tourists from Kansas in hotel dolphin petting pools then we have to shoot them in the head and eat them. Damn rapey dolphins. But when born, your typical dolphin weighs just a hair over the newly carved up, starved, and patched back up again Snooki. Nobody's going...

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Snooki In A Bikini

I guess they found a place to shoot the J-Woww and Snooki show because Snooki only shows her tits off when the cameras are rolling or she wants a free drink. I got the press release for the show. From what I can tell it's some type of government experiment to keep really stupid people in their homes during the evening hours. Photo Credit: PCN [gallery...

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Snooki & J-Woww Lash Out At Jersey Shore Community On Twitter

The Jersey Shore community of Pelican Island doesn't want J-Woww and Snooki shooting their reality spin-off series in their town. The residents are none too pleased with the prospect of these two greasy spoons disrupting their little burgh still recovering from Hurricane Sandy. City Councilman James Byrnes said that it'd be okay for Snooki to come visit, but not with her family and big-ass TV production team causing a...

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Snooki Has Almost Finished Imploding

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and Jenni "JWoWW" Farley were among the guests of honor at Self Magazine's Rock the Summer party at Kiss and Fly in New York City, and it's just remarkable how different these two look from their days as the stars of MTV's The Jersey Shore. It feels like only yesterday that Snooki looked like a bowling pin that had been left in a microwave for three hours, while JWoWW didn't actually look like...

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