Star magazine says that ‘Jersey Shore’ star Snooki (image not available) is secretly pregnant. Except, you know, for it being on the internet. And newsstands.
The pint-sized reality star and her boyfriend of a year, Jionni LaValle, are expecting their first child.
“She is pregnant and has only told her closest friends and some family.”
So here it is. Day Zero. The day we find out if time travel will ever be possible, since the future us will almost certainly send a robot back to kill Snooki and stop our plunge into darkness, just like in Terminator but the other way around.
CONFLICTING UPDATE: Snooki was on Opie and Anthony this morning and denied being pregnant. Probably to trick the robots.
FUN FACT: robots are made when a girl masturbates with a vibrator.
You’re gonna find this impossible to believe, but on ‘Jersey Shore’ last night, Snooki and Deena went to a club and got drunk. And then after that they started making out. As gross as that sounds, please note that I mean with each other.
And thanks to a weak gag reflex, that’s about where I stopped reading. They could have fought King Kong after that for all I know.
The cast of ‘Jersey Shore’ packed up and moved out of their Seaside Heights rental for the final time yesterday after filming seasons 4 and 5 of the show back to back. Most of the cast will now move on to various spin-off projects, but at least they went out the same way they came in; idiotic, repulsive and with no trace of dignity.
(image source of deenas lumpy ass and snooki in a rabbit head for some inexplicable reason = splash and inf)
As if Snooki wasn’t already hot enough, now she’s wearing a neck brace as a result of her car crash this weekend. But then it got uncomfortable and she took it off. Until they started filming again and she put it back on.
The Italians really have to think this is some kind of show about partially shaved, domesticated monkeys at this point.
(image source = bauer griffin)
Everyone on ‘Jersey Shore’ is dumb as a rock, so to say that Snooki is the dumbest one means she’s practically retarded. It’s like being the ugliest catfish.
True to form, she crashed into the back of a police car this weekend while filming in Florence, putting the two officers in the hospital for minor injuries. She was then taken into custody, though not arrested, because she didn’t have any of her paperwork (oh what a surprise), and will now lose her driving privileges.
It’s actually amazing she even made it to the street without crashing. Whatever the gene is for spatial reasoning, women don’t have it. They’re awesome at a lot of things but they can’t measure for shit. Look at that headline picture. I guarantee her last words were, “I can make that, right?” So to let her drive in Italy had disaster written all over it. You might as well blindfold her and spin her around first.
(image source = pacific coast)
‘Jersey Shore’ has only been in Florence for a few days, but JWoww didn’t waste any time in going to the gym and showing off her tits and abs. After that she went tanning. Laundry was no doubt next. Unfortunately Snooki was there too and ruined any chance America had of making a good impression. If I were Italy and some country sent that over and it was in spandex shorts and then started sweating, I’d consider it an act of war. “Why you senda this rat-lady in’a to’a my country,” I’d say after putting down my dainty expresso cup.
(image source = inf and bauer griffin)
