Even though The Jersey Shore is now just a memory that requires occasional doctor visits and a Valtrex prescription, Nicole Polizzi, AKA Snooki, is still clinging to fame with her personal line of self-tanners and bronzing queens. Snooki has been Tweeting and posting pictures to Instagram this week from her promotional photo shoots for what she calls Snooki Couture, which I’m honestly surprised isn’t also her child’s name.

To her credit, though, Snooki’s trying to keep her name alive, despite the fact that it was created as part of a horrible train wreck of a gimmick. She’s also still showing off her weight loss, which, while impressive and admirable, has left her looking like a bobblehead that would be given to the first 500 people to show up to a wet t-shirt contest at a House of Pain reunion show. I’m just saying that cheek bones aren’t sexy when they can probably cut diamonds.

Pictured: A stubby box filled with alcohol who is only popular at parties for sluts pushing a case of Coors Light.

(image source of snooki in seaside heights yesterday = pacific coast)

Star ran a story on February 1st saying that Snooki was pregnant, and since she’s probably the last to know about what’s going on with her vagina and who or what has been cuming inside her lately, she vehemently denied that report a few hours later on Opie and Anthony.

Oh but hey guess what.

sources tell the New York Post the trashy “Jersey Shore” guidette Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is indeed pregnant and has plans to bankroll her mommy-to-be status into becoming “the next Kourtney Kardashian.”
We’re told Polizzi, 24, is carrying her first child by boyfriend Jionni LaValle, and is roughly three months along (and) has already brokered a deal to announce the news on the cover of Us Weekly after she shopped the story to several celebrity magazines.

Snooki and her boyfriend are both functionally retarded, but her doctor should have known better. He should have had her come in once a week, put her legs in the stirrups and then flushed her out with bleach to make sure something like this never happened.