Sometimes this website gets accused of being unfairly negative, so I wanted to say something nice about Snooki after she wore a bikini on Miami beach this weekend. It was a big challenge, and I was not up to it, so the nicest observation I could come up with is that you could prolly pick her up by her ankles and swing her around and use her as a weapon if it came down to it. Because she’s short and fat. It would be like if a fire hydrant had handles.
(source = splash news online)
This article about Lindsay Lohan on Fox opens by saying, “Once viewed as one of the best actresses of her generation…” And it seems insane now but that really is true. When ‘Georgia Rule’ came out, the LA Times (or maybe NYT) made a big point about how good Lindsay was, and hopefully she’ll get her life together. Obviously that didn’t happen, and now even Snooki gets paid more for personal appearances than Lindsay.
“When Lindsay does get paid for attending events, she now gets $5,000 to $10,000, basically less than Snooki makes,” a source close to Lohan told Fox411.
“It is sad and it is only getting worse. The few people that care about Lindsay want her to get help, but she is scared to trust anyone, thanks to her father, and she doesn’t want to hear this. We are worried for Lindsay and where her life is going.”
Well Lindsay was out until 6am the past two nights, so it’s pretty hard to fell bad for her. Stop going out and getting drunk you dumb bitch. Or die, whatever. Who cares. You are not a unique snowflake.
Wait.
Snooki gets 10 grand for a personal appearance? Why? Why on earth would anyone do that? Just bang on her food dish for a few minutes, she’d prolly run right up.
(she looks like chumlee from ‘pawn stars’. image source = splash news online)
The Smoking Gun has all the details today about a new book to be penned by Nicole Polizzi, better known as ‘Jersey Shore’ star ‘Snooki’. They also say she’s applied with the federal government to trademark her nickname. There was one other thing notable about their post, but now I can’t remember what it was. Oh well. I’ll update later if I think of it.
The bad news for MTV is that they’re being sued by an Italian activist group for their negative portrayal of young Italians on the show ‘Jersey Shore’. The good news for MTV is that the two most famous people on the show aren’t actually Italian. The group says…
“The use of words like ‘Guidos’ and ‘Guidettes’ is racial stereotyping in the worst possible sense and they are portraying young Italian Americans in the worst possible light.”
“They would not try and get away with the same tactics if it was show full of young African American or Jewish kids so why is it acceptable to portray Italian Americans in this way?”
You’re in luck…
Jersey Shore stars J-WOWW and Snooki recently confessed that they in fact have NO Italian blood in them.
During an interview on Fox’s Strategy Room J-WOWW confessed that she is Irish and Spanish
while Snooki revealed that she is actually Chilean.
In fairness to this group, not all Italians do steroids and tan and get drunk all day. Many make spaghetti (or cannolis) and join the mafia. The rest throw pizza dough in the air and drive gondolas.
(picture source = getty images)
The idea of seeing Snooki naked has gripped the nation in fear, trapped us in its’ mighty talons, so when news of the threat struck, I put on my detective hat and hit the streets. From the dingiest Hollywood clubs to the fatcats on Wall Street, from the beaches in Miami to the halls of power in Washington DC, I would follow the facts. Would the story of my life … be the death of me?
I would not find out, and instead took a nap on the couch. But then someone emailed me and said they knew the girl in the naked picture and it wasn’t Snooki. And I said, “what?” And they said, “the ‘Naked Snooki’ picture. It’s not Snooki. It’s someone else.” And I said, “woah, slow down, you’re going a mile a minute.” So they sent a picture of Snooki with a red X over it and then a picture of a new girl with a green checkmark over it.
Several demonstrations later, including a stage play set to music, the pieces began to come together. The Naked Snooki picture sort of looks like Snooki, but only if you want it to. Much like how a piece of toast can look like Jesus.
Due to a weak gag reflex, I tried to ignore the rumor that naked pictures of Snooki were on their way. Oh, but look. Here’s one. The first of many apparently. Someone even set up a website to leak them one by one.
It’s extremely surprising that nakedsnooki.com wasn’t already taken, but it’s even extremelier surprising that the owner has set aside three spaces for ads. If that orange goblin was sneaking up toward my bed like this I would attack it with my shoe and try to kill it. This website might not be the money-making extravaganza they’re hoping for.
