Sofia Vergara Still Not Dead

By Bill February 26, 2013 @ 7:34 PM

Reports of Sofia Vergara’s demise have been greatly exaggerated.

When the Colombian Super Fine didn’t show up for The Oscars last night, rumors went flying around that Sofia was gravely ill and even hospitalized. Sofia never misses the chance to show off her big knockers at big events.

Turns out, she had the fucking flu. Or maybe she’s pregnant and pretending to have the flu, like teen girls do in Lifetime movies. Either way, there’s a good chance you’re going to die before Sofia.