Just because George Clooney finally broke his vow to never get married again and gave Amal Alamuddin a ring that cost at least $750,000, it doesn’t mean that Stacy Keibler still thinks about him every day and carves his name into the walls of her baby’s room while she shrieks in frightening rage. Stacy is totally happy with the way that her life has turned out since she and one of the most famous men in the world broke up, and it’s practically an insult to imply that she only posted this photo of her baby bump to Instagram because she’s jealous of all of the attention that she should have gotten. She’ll still be paid a stupid amount of money for the rights to her baby’s first photos, and sure, George and Amal will be offered a hell of a lot more and they’ll accept on the condition that their money be used to free the kidnapped Nigerian girls, but Stacy’s happiness is all that ever really matters.
When news broke that George Clooney had proposed to his girlfriend, Amal Alamuddin, the first thought on everyone’s mind was almost certainly, “I wonder what Stacy Keibler thinks about this!” Of course, Stacy is now married to Jared Pobre and the couple is expecting a baby soon, but it’s always very important that we hunt down every last girlfriend of every actor who gets engaged, and just really twist that knife until they end up like Jennifer Aniston, eternally pining for the guy she fucked it all up with. Anyway, E! claims to have spoken to a source close to Stacy, and he, she or it says that she’s very happy for George, but totally focused on the eternal love that she has found with Jared. After all, the only real difference between these two guys is that George would have had Stacy on the red carpet at every Academy Awards ceremony and huge movie premiere for the rest of her life, and Jared can get her into a cool club. There’s no way she gives a shit about George anymore.
Photo Credits: Getty
George Clooney doesn’t just leave chicks. He leaves them empty. Without the Clooney essential bodily fluids, all the girls become Charlie in Flowers for Algernon after the surgery wears off. It’s great to see Stacy Keibler still trying to beat the mouse in the maze. Showing off your boobs doesn’t hurt. She’s even got a show on Lifetime about supermarket shopping that you’ve never ever heard about. That’s a thing. So, for now, let’s pretend along with Stacy that this doesn’t end with Stacy looking like a disfigured Renee Zellweger on the grounded end of a partner-less seesaw.
Photo Credit: Getty
When George Clooney broke up with model Elisabetta Canalis in 2011, she rebounded by dating Jackass star Steve-O for several months and that, more than anything, revealed just how hard a girl can hit rock bottom, when the only thing that can mend her broken heart is a guy who staples shit to his ass cheeks. George’s latest ex, Stacy Keibler, wants us to know she’s not going to follow Elisabetta’s lead, as she is still attending C-list events like the ACE Awards, which took place last night in New York City, and posing for photos with random people whose names we sort of recognized. Not pictured, though, is Stacy’s new boyfriend, Jared Pobre, but I’m sure that he was just busy performing his duties as a seat filler.
Photo Credits: Getty
Stacy Keibler thought that she was going to be the woman who made George Clooney settle down, get married and have kids, and that’s probably why he eventually dumped her like all of the rest of the younger models that he’s dated. Naturally, she wants us all to know that life post-Clooney is even better than it was before, as she posted this picture of her and her new boyfriend, Jared Pobre, on the tail end of the weeklong James Bond-themed birthday party that he threw for her from Paris to Las Vegas.
More importantly, Stacy is 34-years old. These “birthday week” celebrations aren’t cute when binge-drinking girls have them in college as a way to get drunk for free, and they’re not cute when a mid-30s C-list toilet paper spokeswoman has them either. No one’s birthday is so important that it deserves an entire week, so cut this shit out, Stacy.
Photo Credit: Stacy Keibler’s Instagram
According to this photo that Stacy Keibler posted to her Instagram yesterday, she is now dating this gentleman named Jared Pobre, or as everyone who doesn’t know who he is will forever call him: Not George Clooney. But then, that’s the problem with dating someone who just broke up with one of the most popular actors in the world, because unless you’re ready to cure cancer or whip out the world’s biggest cock to prove that you’re on par, you’re always going to be Not George Clooney. The only exception is when Elisabetta Canalis dated Steve-O, because then people referred to him as “Really? That fucking guy?”