Croc Hunter’s Daughter Wants Girls To Cover Up

By Lex June 25, 2014 @ 5:21 PM

Bindi-Irwin-on-the-red-carpet

Bindi Irwin is asking other teen girls to stop dressing like sluts so much. It’s an honest plea from an honest girl whose dad was honestly assassinated by a stingray.

I look around at a lot of young girls that are my age and they’re always trying to dress older. Whether it’s wearing revealing clothes or hardly wearing any clothes at all, I feel really bad for them.

And I feel bad for them too, Bindi. The last thing this man wants is millions of young women trying to bare their breasts and body parts to get attention or signal that they have low self-esteem and they would do anything to piss off their parents. Now, Bindi, I invite you to shut the fuck up before I order a stingray hit on your temperance movement.

GERMAINE GREER IS SENSITIVE

By brendon September 05, 2006 @ 1:51 PM

I have no idea who or what Germaine Greer is, but apparently she's a "feminist icon" in Australia and she couldn't be happier that Steve Irwin is dead.  Making her kick up her heels in delight is that Irwin was killed by an animal, calling it the animal worlds revenge.  Greer said:

"There was no habitat, no matter how fragile or finely balanced, that Irwin hesitated to barge into.  Every creature he brandished at the camera was in distress.  The animal world has finally taken its revenge, but probably not before a whole generation of kids in shorts seven sizes too small has learned to shout in the ears of animals with hearing 10 times more acute than theirs, determined to become millionaire animal-loving zoo owners in their turn."

And:

"There was not an animal he was not prepared to manhandle. Every creature he brandished at the camera was in distress.  Every snake badgered by Irwin was at a huge disadvantage, with only a single possible reaction to its terrifying situation, which was to strike.  The animal world has finally taken its revenge on Irwin."

You had to know some filthy god damn hippie was gonna say this at some point, but it would have been delightful if they could have at least waited a week or so.  But I guess this way the 8 and 2 year old orphans can have "it was all daddys fault" ringing in thier ears at the funeral.  Nice.  I'm gonna go down to Greenpeace and just start punching people. 



THE CROCODILE HUNTER IS DEAD

By brendon September 04, 2006 @ 12:24 AM

Steve Irwin was killed today in a freak accident in Cairns, Australia.  News.com says he was filming an underwater documentary when a stingray barb went through his chest.  Ambulance officers confirmed they attended a reef fatality this morning at Batt Reef off Port Douglas.  His wife Terri is trekking on Cradle Mountain in Tasmania and has yet to be told of her husband's death.  A government spokesman from his adopted home of Queensland said:

"I don't think we could even estimate how much he brought us through his personality and his profile and his enthusiasm about Queensland.  It would be difficult to estimate how much he was worth. And it would be difficult to underestimate."

Irwin is survived by his wife, his daughter Bindi Sue, 8, and his son Bob, 2.  Steve Irwin was 44.  

(A stingray?  A damn stingray?  This dude spent 40 hours a day poking dinosaurs with sticks and he gets it from a damn stingray?  They're supposed to sting and ray things, not impale people who entertain me.  They're damn fish, not Jason.  You're not funny Irony.  This is why everybody hates you.)