Twas the Losses That Felled Sarkisian

By Lex October 14, 2015 @ 9:11 AM

A whole bunch of USC important people stood up and plainly pretended to be shocked by Coach Steve Sarkisian’s alcohol problem as they canned him. This despite the fact that his five years most previous at the University of Washington were marked by Sarkisian’s legendary drinking and bar tabs on the public tit expense account. He was likely obviously liquored up when helping Pete Carroll win titles at USC his first go-round, definitely pickled during his successful run at Washington. Players knew. Reporters knew. School staff definitely knew. None of which mattered until he let USC drop out of the Top 25 with some questionably poor losses.

Big time sports cares about winning, followed by winning, and winning. Hiding rape allegations and payoffs to families would be fourth and fifth. In the absence of winning, being a functional alcoholic becomes a problem rather than a coach’s idiosyncrasy everybody needs to shut the fuck up about and ignore. USC is determined to use their shock at Sark’s drinking problem as grounds to void the remaining three years of his expensive contract. All of which should be a lesson to addicts out there, don’t suck at your job. The difference between a lousy drunk and a man bravely working his way through a disease is about two conference rival victories.

Photo credit: Getty Images

USC’s Coach Is Vaguely Racist

By Matt August 29, 2014 @ 6:02 AM


USC scrub Anthony Brown just quit the team because coach Steve Sarkisian is a racist. Brown made his announcement on Instagram, where Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. would be posting today if he were alive.

“Sark treated me like a slave in his Office…Can’t play for a racist MAN!!!!! #Fighton.”

When reached for comment on his allegations Brown said the following:

“I called a meeting up with this disrespectful guy!!! He called me a coward, all types of fuck words. He stereotype my mom and dad. Like he belittle me to another level. I just responded Yes Sir and No Sir!”

Football coaches are puffed-up blowhards, both the good ones and the bad ones, but talking to a black player like an asshole doesn’t make you a racist. It just makes you an asshole. True racists aren’t going to intentionally involve themselves in careers spent kissing ass to black athletes.

What is clear is that Brown was barely holding onto his spot on the team before suffering an injury setback. He is also a senior and clearly not going pro, so why not take the free year of tuition, hit a few bars while coasting by on electives, and avoid those dreadful two a day workouts in the sun. ‘Racist MAN!!!!’ is shorthand for free cruise.

Photo Credit: Twitter