Suki Waterhouse Milking It

By Matt March 24, 2015 @ 8:07 AM

SW

British model Suki Waterhouse, who is 23 but can easily play teens, though not low enough for Bradley Cooper who just dumped her, threw a theme party for her and her friends where they dressed like characters from the 90′s film Clueless. Everyone needs an excuse to tribute a film that came out when they were two. Waterhouse likes to advertise herself as nubile. I’m sure the girl gang had a ton of fun explaining what they were doing to a plethora of dudes pretending to think this was a cool stunt and asking to see their tits. Up next is Honey Boo Boo night or perhaps Waterhouse and company will dress up like Japanese school girls and invite a bunch of millionaires over to watch them pillow fight. It’s not illegal if they’re only pretending to be underaged, at least not on my boat it’s not.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Cara Delevingne Squeezes Between Suki and Georgia

By Lex March 10, 2015 @ 7:22 AM

Suki-Waterhoue-Cara-Delevingne-Georgie-May-Jagger-Naked-in-Vogue

This Delevingne chick is moving fast. We concede any more women to this carpet munching Nosferatu and there will be none left to dance around the maypole. Bradley Cooper, this is your barely legal girlfriend. Mick Jagger, inexplicably this is your daughter. Tainted for eternity by the love whose name we dare not speak. Delevingne’s stevedored more vagina grease this past week than most men garner in a lifetime. Decent men. Men who deserve the love of a good woman. The world got together and stopped Swedish pop quartets, I think we can end the Sapphic reign of terror of this scissor kissing 120-pound blue blood. Strap her in a Lecter mask before she licks another.

Photo credit: Vogue.com

Bradley Cooper Likes Them Not Quite Ripe

By Matt January 08, 2015 @ 7:35 AM

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Bradley Cooper’s girlfriend Suki Waterhouse is 22 years old but looks like a foster care tween who’s seen some things. Cooper is coming in at forty, so based on the numbers this isn’t atypical when the dude is loaded. When guys are accused of statutory rape they inevitably drop the “But she looked 18!” line. By that reasoning, I’d find it creepy if a forty year old dude was banging a chick of age who didn’t look it. Seems like you’re skating by on a technicality. There are no laws against dressing your chick up like a Catholic schoolgirl, nor should there be. I’m sure Waterhouse regales Cooper with stories of the time her and her girlfriends went to Dave and Busters and won the giant bunny rabbit. Or went to the beach and took boring Instagram photos. Cooper meanwhile does a fine job of pretending he’s not sticking his dick in every hostess he meets on the road. Maybe they’re a good match. If they make it another ten years the other women might even stop saying nasty things about her.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Bradley Cooper’s Teen Girlfriend Seems Fun

By Lex December 15, 2014 @ 11:29 AM

Suki Waterhouse Straddles A Toblerone For Love Magazine
I’m pretty sure Bradley Cooper paid some desk clerk at the Hague to change this chick’s birth certificate to read eighteen so he won’t get flagged by Interpol. If you love young girls, that’s a trouble worth going to. You don’t want to end up as a wanted man on the back of suspiciously non-refrigerated milk cartons. Bradley Cooper would not do well in prison. Suki Waterhouse is a professionally paid runway model, which means she has to be at least nine. I try not to judge. In 6th century Europe or 21st century Afghanistan she’d be more than old enough to marry and eventually produce children after her first bleed. I’m out of Bradley Cooper is banging a teen chick jokes. Insert your own.

Photo Credit: Love Magazine

Suki Waterhouse In A Retro Bikini In Brazil

By Lex September 04, 2014 @ 11:24 AM

Suki Waterhouse In A Retro Bikini In Brazil

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Bradley Cooper’s Girlfriend Secured Aboard the Lesbian Flagship

By Lex August 14, 2014 @ 9:23 AM

Suki Waterhouse In A Pink Bikini On A Yacht For Cara Delevingne's Birthday In Ibiza
Cara Delevingne invited Bradley Cooper’s middle school aged girlfriend, Suki Waterhouse, to spend a couple days on her yacht off the coast of Spain. You might recall this sea-faring vessel as the place where Selena Gomez was indoctrinated to the magic of another woman lapping at her vagina like a hungry kitty to a saucer of milk. There’s nothing wrong with girl on girl sex so long as it doesn’t involve Rosie O’Donnell. Aboard a yacht between two young British girls with pronounced unibrows, it’s really something special. Bradley Cooper’s dick will move on, adapt, conquer more teenage pussy. But the rest of us might consider petitioning Obama to drone this floating Isle of Lesbos before it gets to our girls. I don’t care how much of a porn star you think you are, you can’t compete with vanilla scented candles, the L Word soundtrack, and a skinny girl who can find a clit in the dark.

Photo Credit: Splash, AKM-GSI