Since Sylvester Stallone seems to love clinging to his 80s and 90s action star image as if his life depends on it, it makes sense that he’d at least consider producing and developing a TV show based on Rambo. But not only are Entertainment One and Nu Image developing the series – with or without Stallone – they’re also hoping that he’ll star as Rambo again, because that would be the only way that people would take this shit seriously.
Or maybe if Rambo goes around killing other TV shows’ characters, because those little fuckers from the Big Bang Theory have been begging for a slow, painful death for a few years now. I’d actually watch an episode if it involved one of those nerds having his skin peeled off by a 67-year old juiced up on growth hormones.
Taking a break from the hard day job of calling his buddies to be in the Expendables 3, Sylvester Stallone has taken his model wife and their three teen daughters to St. Tropez to act like they belong among the old money set. Doing shit like chugging brews and catching jellyfish off the back of his boat has them fitting right in. I’m only mentioning that shit as a poor excuse for showing off Sly’s teen girls in bikinis. It’d be inappropriate to bring them up without the jellyfish story first.
Sylvester Stallone is talking mad action hero shit about his former Expendables castmate Bruce Willis. A couple of days ago it came out that Willis wouldn’t appear in Expendables 3 and he would be replaced by the walking corpse of what was Harrison Ford. There was speculation as to why Willis would quit as the franchise does pretty decent business. Apparently, it’s because Stallone, (who co-writes and produces the series), thinks Willis isn’t worth the money. Sly tweeted:
“WILLIS OUT… HARRISON FORD IN !!!! GREAT NEWS !!!!! Been waiting years for this!!!! GREEDY AND LAZY …… A SURE FORMULA FOR CAREER FAILURE.”
And in all caps too, so you know it’s serious! We can infer that the greedy part is that Willis wanted more money and Stallone thought he didn’t deserve it. Now, I don’t know what went on in the sleazy backrooms of Hollywood that led to this decision, but I do know one thing: Stallone is no one to give career advice to Bruce Willis. Let’s face it, after the 80′s and before the first Expendables…Stallone was more MIA than those old soldiers John Rambo rescued in Rambo: First Blood 2. Willis has worked nonstop since his days flirting with Cybill Shepherd back when she was hot on Moonlighting. But Stallone certainly has things Willis doesn’t have, namely an Oscar, an ex-porn career, and his hair. So, there’s that.
Sylvester Stallone spent yesterday on an aircraft carrier boat for 5 people off the coast of Portofino, Italy, with his third wife Jennifer Flavin and their three daughters. Meanwhile, his second wife was back in LA getting drunk on moonshine and blacking out in a public park.
If I were Stallone I’d make sure Flavin saw those pictures, then casually mention how a lot of guys like him have girlfriends on the side and their wives are totally cool with it.
Still grieving over the loss of his son who was discovered Friday after dying of an apparent accidental overdose of prescription medications, Sylvester Stallone released this statement:
“When a parent loses a child there is no greater pain … This agonizing loss will be felt for the rest of our lives. Sage was our first child and the center of our universe and I am humbly begging for all to have my son’s memory and soul left in peace.”
The Westboro Baptist Church isn’t gonna do that however, and instead they’ll protest Sages funeral like they have hundreds of funerals before, mostly for American soldiers, with signs about how Sage deserved to die, it was all Sylvesters fault, and God hates them both. They’ve already tweeted all this:
- “So Westboro will picket Sage Stallone’s funeral so Syl’s other children will finally see some truth.”
- “Tell @TheSlyStallone to mourn for his sins, not pimp out son’s dead body to more proud sin!”
- “Whoring dad @TheSlyStallone selfishly drove him to mock God & to his death.”
- “Adulterous dad brought wrath of God on son.”
- “Thrice-married rebel taught his son to mock God.”
Most of that stems from the book of Leviticus, which Westboro absolutely loves because it talks about hating gay people (Leviticus 20:13) and adultery. Far be it for me to question the theological study of inbred retards but in that same book God also says not to shave or cut your hair on the sides (Leviticus 19:27) or wear fabrics like polyester (Leviticus 19:19) and Westboro does all that. Clearly “they are in league with the Devil” and we should stone them (Leviticus 20:27) until they’re new name is Westboro Baptist Church and Quarry.
I take the fact that this opens with a finger-gun/sniper scene taken from ‘The Losers’ when Chris Evans did the exact same thing as a terrific sign! Now that scene has the advantage of being completely unintelligible.