Sylvie van der Vaart Is Fucking Perfect

By Lex August 07, 2014 @ 12:41 PM

Sylvie van der Vaart Goes For A Swim In A Black Bikini In Mykonos
I don’t know how these European models figure out which famous beach to frequent from day to day, but this Dutch mom just packed up her bikinis and whoever it is that takes care of her kid and moved on to Mykonos. Mykonos is considered the Cleveland of the Greek Islands because of its sun-drenched climate, world class beaches, and because Cleveland got LeBron back, everything has changed. I don’t care where this girl pops up out of the water, I think she’s perfect. She’s extremely good looking, which means she has to be kind. Her body is perfect, which connotes a generous spirit. And her mouth looks like she’s ready to nibble gently on the male anatomy, which renders everything I said before completely unimportant. I’m pretty good at reading women. I’d say this one is nothing but quiet bliss.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Sylvie Van der Vaart Bikinis Again

By Lex July 30, 2014 @ 2:04 PM

Sylvie Van der Vaart Goes For A Swim In A Bikini In St Tropez
I’m still trying to process the fact that men leave women like this because they want to make more babies. It’s a foreign thing. Here in the U.S. men leave women like this for the more appropriate reasons of wanting to get laid elsewhere without hassle by other equally hot women. Or because they have disturbing fetishes that hot girls don’t need to play along with because they have options. Or just because they’re bitches be nagging. I’ve never heard of a guy ditching because he wants to make more babies. The U.S. has drug problems, corrupt politicians, squandered natural resources, and fat women addicted to soap operas. The only thing that keeps us from being Mexico is that our men don’t like to breed obsessively. That’s a gross generalization. Really the best kind.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Sylvie van der Vaart in A Bikini

By Lex July 29, 2014 @ 8:56 AM

Sylvie van der Vaart In A Pink Bikini At The Beach In St Tropez
Syvlie van der Vaart seems like one of those women men create in comic books. She’s not even van der Vaart anymore. That was the name of her pro soccer husband Rafael van der Vaart who dumped her last year after her chemotherapy left her unable to produce more children. She seemed pretty understanding:

I knew for years how big his desire was to have children. I guess it’s good that Rafael is now getting the child that I couldn’t give him thanks to my cancer diagnosis.

That’s mighty understanding of a professional athlete’s desire to beget many children on various continents then battle in court over child support. But it gets worse. Or better. Her husband decided the best choice of new womb would be Sylvie’s best friend and the divorced wife of his teammate. Sabia Some Slut, or something like that. Syvlie was super cool to that as well:

I imagine when all the emotions die down that Rafael, Sabia and me will probably be able to get along perfectly normally.

Where did they make this woman? I have to believe she’s either a fembot programmed by the NFL Stepford Wives project or she really fucking hated her husband and couldn’t wait for him to go. Maybe she’s got her own dude on the side who can handle banging a 35-year old lingerie model who can’t get pregnant no matter the sweat between the sheets. That sounds horrible. If the feminists let her live, Sylvie’s going to make a great leader of the resistance.

Photo Credit: Splash

Sylvie Van Der Vaart Went To The Beach Again

By Travis October 10, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Dutch model Sylvie van der Vaart announced earlier this year that she and her soccer star husband Rafael van der Vaart had separated, so she has naturally spent most of the year being photographed at the beach while wearing very well-thought-out bathing suits. Her latest adventure came this week at Miami Beach, which is the perfect place for a 35-year old mom to show off her killer body in hopes of attracting either a new wealthy boyfriend or 6,000 gay men to go shopping with. Either way, best of luck in all of your endeavors, Sylvie’s breasts.

(Photo Credits: KEYPIXX/