By Lex February 03, 2015 @ 11:50 AM
Cara Delevingne is rapid tonguing her way through disaffected young female Hollywood. I can’t remember which Willis girl Rumer is. The one who looks like Bruce, drinks like a fish, and hasn’t worked in a decade. Fuck, I can’t narrow it down. Rumer left a bar in West Hollywood holding hands with this unquenchable lesbian vampire. Holding hands in WeHo doesn’t mean the two of them are mere moments away from an after party of vanilla candles and poetic fisting. Traffic in L.A. sucks even at night. It could easily take half-an-hour.
By Lex November 19, 2014 @ 11:11 AM
People with too much free time will inevitably do wacky shit with their hair. It’s a nod to your soul yearning for any sliver of personal accomplishment. The rehab chicks usually go for the head shave. It’s a solid coif for those who find themselves frequently unwashed and sleeping in puddles of their own vomit. For Tallulah Willis, the opportunity to further emphasize her resemblance to dad ought to enhance the number of suitors courting her with flowers and requests for her to sodomize them with strap-ons they coincidentally have in the trunks of their Sebring convertibles. Raising children in a supportive and accepting environment is really proving to be a horrible idea.
Photo Credit: Instagram/Twitter/Vine
By Lex September 22, 2014 @ 9:14 AM
I bet Taullulah Willis didn’t tell her rehab counselors her transition back to unsupervised life began with a incestuous topless mistress leather photo shoot with her sister in New York. Lindsay Lohan figured out by the third rehab that you tell the doctors you’re going to move-in with your stable Aunt Helen and read books and do nothing but be the best you you can be for the next three months. You don’t need Oprah getting on your shit. I think there’s some ancient Chinese proverb about two Willis jaws meeting and the earth ending in a volcano of fire. Running would be useless at this point, but I’d still recommend looking away so it’s not the last thing you see before the molten core goes blooey.
Photo Credit: Todd Pendu
By Lex September 19, 2014 @ 9:56 AM
Some people consider it gross that adult siblings would bathe naked together. I say it’s beautiful. Not so much the thought of two Willis she-brute jaws locked in taboo passion, that actually made me throw up a bit, but Scout taking time out of her busy day of acting once in 1998 to welcome her younger sister out of rehab with a good scrub.
According to the checkout counter rags, the Willis girls are reeling from their dad remarrying some young model and making new babies and mom trying to find somebody even younger and more douchey than Ashton Kutcher to watch her do whip-its with her vagina. Good luck with that. The downside of being celebrity kids is self-absorbed parents. The upside is open calendars and afternoon Caligula baths.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex May 09, 2014 @ 3:05 PM
Nylon Magazine held a party to celebrate young talent in Hollywood. The Willis girls are no longer young so they had to sneak into the event pretending to be teamsters dropping off the tables. The more normal jawline babies Bruce keeps adding to his collection, the more the original daughters like Scout realize they need to step up their game. Flashing her tits in a Macao street hooker top probably wasn’t first on her list, but winning an Oscar and making the cut for the astronaut program probably weren’t as realistically available.
Photo Credit: Splash