Time for Me to Adopt Usher’s Kids

By Lex August 08, 2013 @ 9:27 AM

Usher almost lost his kid a couple days ago drowning in the home pool as his arm got stuck in the drain. You know, like how you lost half your buddies as a kid. Fucking pool drains. Usher’s ex-wife and baby mama, Tameka Foster, snapped into maternal action and filed a custody hearing to get their two kids back into her nest. The same nest where her own eleven-year old son by a previous father was killed last year at a lake resort┬áby a jet ski running over him in a raft. These two are either cursed with horrible misfortune, or they’re horrible caretakers for their kids. Without any formal or informal training, I’m ready to step in and grab the remaining Usher and Usher baby mama kids and take them somewhere safe. I may not know shit about being a parent, but I’ve never lost a kid before in the water. In fact, I’m Red Cross certified. If Neptune’s minions are coming for these kids because of some deal Usher made to be famous and make people believe he’s straight, I may be their best protection. Hold on Usher kids, your new daddy’s coming.

ushers wife almost died

By brendon February 10, 2009 @ 12:21 PM

Ushers wife Tameka Foster is still hospitalized after complications from plastic surgery in Brazil, and no one can quite figure out what went wrong, except for the fact that she had plastic surgery in fucking Brazil.

The Brazilian news website G1 reported that Foster was rushed to the Sirio-Libanes Hospital's intensive care unit last Friday after a medical emergency during a liposuction operation.
She had suffered cardiac and respiratory arrest as she was being anesthetized for the cosmetic surgery, it said.
Foster had reportedly been put into an induced coma for 24 hours and was now recovering.

I have a picture in my mind when I think of medical care in Brazil.  Try and guess if it’s good.  Granted most of what I know about Brazil is what I saw in "City of God", but what kind of lunatic has surgery down there by choice?  I would let an American doctor with flippers who was balancing on a ball cut me before I’d even take an aspirin in South America.

(the pics are Usher getting a tat in vegas from mario barth inside mandalay bay)