I haven't believed in super natural monsters since I was like 19, but that was before I saw this video of Tara Reid singing “Total Eclipse of the Heart”. In her defense, she was probably drunk, but she still sounds like a damn demon. She could have gold coins coming out of her mouth and I would still wrap her head in duct tape. 

You probably thought Tara Reid couldn't get any dumber. In your defense, you hadn't seen the video of her counting down on New Years Eve. Keep in mind as you hear her wildly jump around and skip numbers, she's reading these numbers. She didn't even have to count, she just had to read, and she fucks it up beyond all comprehension. You half expert to hear her say "47, 46, 49, Duck, Red, 47, -2, Crayon, 21, my foot…" 

Can you still call someone a whore if no one actually wants to fuck them.  Because I’m still inclined to call Tara Reid a whore, but now I'm not so sure.  They say she’s had tons of lypo and that's why she looks like that monster who chased Scooby Doo when the gang went to investigate a mystery in Mexico (I think he was made out of clay) but it might just be because her diet is based on cigarettes, vodka and semen. You’re not gonna find that many top experts who say, “The problem is you’re not eating enough cigarettes and semen.  Its like you don’t even want to be sexy!”

There's good news and bad news if you're turned on by pictures of girls who look like they got shot in the ass with a shotgun filled with rock salt.  The good news is that these pictures of Tara Reid over the weekend in St. Barts are like a second Christmas morning.  The bad news is that you're a fucking lunatic.  Seriously.  We were talking about it and we all think you're weird.   "Yeah, she's just gross", declared a recent poll of leading necrophiliacs.