Lady Gaga’s Boyfriend Is Cheeky

By Lex May 14, 2014 @ 12:56 PM

Lady Gaga Gets Her Butt Pinched By Taylor Kinney In New York
Cheeky. Get it? Fuck you. Somebody has to give that Gaga some loving. Even girls who resemble frightened woodland mammals need a little ass grabbing from a hunky boyfriend like Taylor Kinney. If I were Lady Gaga’s boyfriend, I’d constantly be toying with her rear. In fact, I’d tell her that if she truly loved me, she’d never turn around at all.  Only I’d figure out a way to make it sound more romantic and less like her distressed marmoset face was killing my boners.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, FameFlynet, Pacific Coast News

Lady Gaga Says Women Should Submit

By Jack March 25, 2014 @ 2:21 PM

Lady Gaga In The March 2014 Issue Of Harper's Bazaar

Lady Gaga said in a recent interview that not only is she submissive in a relationship but that other women should listen up to their men’s commands as well. Gaga has been lauded as a feminist icon by the gay men and obese under 30 women that are her fan base. I’m not exactly sure what she does that’s so feminist. I doubt that Gloria Steinem would let someone puke on her tits unless it was an involuntary reaction to seeing her tits, which could happen.  But apparently in her relationship to Taylor Kinney, Lady Gaga takes a backseat:

“Oh yeah, he’s [Kinney], like, totally in charge. When I’m home I’m, like, shoes are off, I’m making him dinner, you know? He has a job, too, and he’s really busy. I’m in charge all day long. The last thing I wanna do is tell him what to do. We’re just really good friends. It’s not good for relationships to tell men what to do, female listeners who are out there.”

You don’t really hear that kind of talk much anymore. Maybe I’ll tell my wife that Lady Gaga says she needs to shut up and make me a sandwich. Maybe she’ll say ‘why don’t you go have sex with Lady Gaga if she’s so great?’. I’ll contemplate and shiver and go put down all the toilet seats in the house and put some mints in her tampon boxes as little heart surprises. Next life.