Taylor Swift Claims Jaime King’s Unborn

By Lex March 03, 2015 @ 12:25 PM

Taylor Swift Named Godmother to Jaime Kings Spawn LB
Jaime King suffered three hundred and forty seven miscarriages to bring her latest baby to fruition. One could take the gestational hardship as a sign that it was time to click out to MalawiBabiesNow.com. Or that Taylor Swift would come to lay hands upon her unborn child and announce the Dark Lord of Allentown Adjacent was pleased indeed. King and Swift announced on Instagram that Swift would be named godmother and false humility coach to King’s soon to be baby boy. Tyler Perry already snatched up Oprah so if you’re looking for the $200 million in the bank club, you’re down to Taylor Swift or Shelly Sterling, and Shelly Sterling can’t turn the Hokey Pokey with different words into a platinum selling single.

Photo Credit: Instagram/WWTDD Archives

Taylor Swift Is Your Woman of the Year

By Lex February 25, 2015 @ 12:32 PM

Taylor Swift Cleavy In Green Dress For 2015 Elle Style Awards
Taylor Swift barely beat out a woman in Sierra Leone who breastfeeds Ebola babies to be named Elle Woman of the Year. It was that close, with the pop music star’s agreement to show a little titty and buy out six VIP tables giving her the slight edge. You’ve got to pick somebody. Other awards at the event when to Rosie Huntington-Whiteley for aging out of modeling gracefully at twenty-seven and to Simon Cowell for banging a baby into his friend’s wife and not letting it ruin his summer. A bunch of awards went to fat people for not bitching about their segregation backstage in the world of style and fashion. Rebel Wilson punched a constable and bit the Queen’s veiny leg but Taylor Swift ordered her pardoned and everybody went home with something to talk about. Just one more year until the next Elle Awards!

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Guess Who Came To Dinner And Shit Around The Web

By Jack February 18, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Former enemies and fellow scalawags Taylor Swift and Kanye West met up for some dinner ahead of going into the studio to record a song together. It seems that the egomaniacs put that award show shit behind them in order to create one shitburger of a song. You can close your eyes, but you can’t make it go away.

Read all about this chode peace summit. (TMZ)

It’s colder than Santa’s dick here, but it’s bikini weather somewhere. (The Chive)

Isabella Farrell is topless and naughty for P. (Egotastic)

Amber Rose dresses like a carnival slut. (Huffington Post)

Alessandra Ambrosio bikinis like a champ. (Drunken Stepfather)

Emmy Rossum’s cleavage can be seen from space. (Hollywood Tuna)

Nicole Trunfio in lingerie? Don’t mind if I do. (Popoholic)

Taylor Swift In A Bikini Playing Queen

By Lex February 02, 2015 @ 1:27 PM

Taylor Swift Wears A Bikini During A Boat Trip In Maui
Taylor Swift continued her baby steps lesbian boat trip with the Haims, the three sisters from the San Fernando Valley who are opening for her on the next leg of her tour. Unlike many music artists who meet their opening acts moments before the curtain goes up on the first tour stop, Taylor prefers to take her table setters on girl getaways and vaguely lean into girl on girl lovemaking she’ll never quite consummate. Just enough for Taylor to let her seconds know she could make them pleasure her snatch if she so ordered, but not enough to reinforce her thirty-two hits about stupids boys is in anyway related to her fear of cock. Subtlety is so often lost on the greats who walk among us.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Taylor Swift And Haim Go On A Bikini Vacation In Hawaii

By Lex January 26, 2015 @ 12:49 PM

Taylor Swift And Haim Go On A Bikini Vacation In Hawaii

Photo Credit: Instagram

Taylor Swift Is Good Wool

By Matt January 26, 2015 @ 6:33 AM

Swift

Taylor Swift is on vacation in Maui with three reasonably hot chicks that she paid to come along with so she’d look normal. I really thought this only happened in the movies. It’s not clear at which point some grizzly guy with a machete will start offing them one by one once they accidentally stumble into a cave. I hope they can avoid the situation but the stats don’t lie. God I bet they tried those bathing suits on in front of each other whilst giggling. Swift obviously told the girls they’d have to share the suite because it was the last room in the house before breaking out the black Sharpie. That faked phone call is getting me all hot and bothered. It’s the slow season. These young women are thirty margaritas and a Skinemax away from the best thing that’s ever happened to them. How much are tickets, it’s worth a shot in the dark. What happens in Maui stays in the 808. Spread ‘em.

Photo Credit: Instagram