By Lex February 25, 2015 @ 12:32 PM
Taylor Swift barely beat out a woman in Sierra Leone who breastfeeds Ebola babies to be named Elle Woman of the Year. It was that close, with the pop music star’s agreement to show a little titty and buy out six VIP tables giving her the slight edge. You’ve got to pick somebody. Other awards at the event when to Rosie Huntington-Whiteley for aging out of modeling gracefully at twenty-seven and to Simon Cowell for banging a baby into his friend’s wife and not letting it ruin his summer. A bunch of awards went to fat people for not bitching about their segregation backstage in the world of style and fashion. Rebel Wilson punched a constable and bit the Queen’s veiny leg but Taylor Swift ordered her pardoned and everybody went home with something to talk about. Just one more year until the next Elle Awards!
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Jack February 18, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Former enemies and fellow scalawags Taylor Swift and Kanye West met up for some dinner ahead of going into the studio to record a song together. It seems that the egomaniacs put that award show shit behind them in order to create one shitburger of a song. You can close your eyes, but you can’t make it go away.
Read all about this chode peace summit. (TMZ)
It’s colder than Santa’s dick here, but it’s bikini weather somewhere. (The Chive)
Isabella Farrell is topless and naughty for P. (Egotastic)
Amber Rose dresses like a carnival slut. (Huffington Post)
Alessandra Ambrosio bikinis like a champ. (Drunken Stepfather)
Emmy Rossum’s cleavage can be seen from space. (Hollywood Tuna)
Nicole Trunfio in lingerie? Don’t mind if I do. (Popoholic)
By Lex February 02, 2015 @ 1:27 PM
Taylor Swift continued her baby steps lesbian boat trip with the Haims, the three sisters from the San Fernando Valley who are opening for her on the next leg of her tour. Unlike many music artists who meet their opening acts moments before the curtain goes up on the first tour stop, Taylor prefers to take her table setters on girl getaways and vaguely lean into girl on girl lovemaking she’ll never quite consummate. Just enough for Taylor to let her seconds know she could make them pleasure her snatch if she so ordered, but not enough to reinforce her thirty-two hits about stupids boys is in anyway related to her fear of cock. Subtlety is so often lost on the greats who walk among us.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Matt January 26, 2015 @ 6:33 AM
Taylor Swift is on vacation in Maui with three reasonably hot chicks that she paid to come along with so she’d look normal. I really thought this only happened in the movies. It’s not clear at which point some grizzly guy with a machete will start offing them one by one once they accidentally stumble into a cave. I hope they can avoid the situation but the stats don’t lie. God I bet they tried those bathing suits on in front of each other whilst giggling. Swift obviously told the girls they’d have to share the suite because it was the last room in the house before breaking out the black Sharpie. That faked phone call is getting me all hot and bothered. It’s the slow season. These young women are thirty margaritas and a Skinemax away from the best thing that’s ever happened to them. How much are tickets, it’s worth a shot in the dark. What happens in Maui stays in the 808. Spread ‘em.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex January 23, 2015 @ 1:00 PM
Taylor Swift has a new fragrance. As you can imagine, it’s just as irrepressibly fresh and flirty and fun as she is. With just a hint of cat pee and Sara Lee cheesecake bites to remind you of your own special destiny. It’s also based on her favorite watercolor hues and a bunch of other things that actually aren’t related to smell unless you’re tripping pretty hard.
The fragrances before this represented love. This fragrance represents life.
– Taylor Swift making shut up about her new perfume.
That seems like a heavy burden for a bunch of aromas concocted in a factory just north of Elko. I wouldn’t expect my scented Mitchum roll-on to represent life or friendship. Maybe just justice or fair trade or something do-able. Taylor Swift isn’t just a transformative music artist, she’s a brand who is going to suck the ever living soul out of your parent’s pocketbook. Because she can. And deep down, you want her too.
Photo Credit: Taylor Swift “Incredible Things”