Taylor Swift’s Stalker Will Have To Try Harder

By Travis March 26, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

Taylor Swift recently scored a huge, relieving victory over her alleged stalker, Timothy Sweet, after a Los Angeles judge ordered him to stay at least 100 yards away from the singer for the next three years. Timothy reportedly believes that he and Taylor are married, and he has been sending her “terrifying emails” and posting scary messages about her on social media, even going as far as to threaten John Kerry’s life, because that’s just the kind of thing that you do when you’re out of your fucking mind enough to be in love with Taylor Swift. But it’s good to see the long-celebrated Los Angeles justice system really lay down the hammer on someone in serious need of psychiatric help by giving him a piece of paper that says he has to stay away. This certainly won’t end in an awesome cloud of bullets tearing him to pieces and Taylor’s darkest, most Grammy-nominated album yet.

Photo Credit: Getty

Taylor Swift Wears Short Shorts To The Gym In Beverly Hills

By Lex March 07, 2014 @ 11:12 AM

Taylor Swift Wears Short Shorts To The Gym In Beverly Hills

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, FameFlynet, Pacific Coast News, INFphoto.com

Taylor Swift Takes Flying Very Seriously

By Travis February 13, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

While most people prefer to dress down when they fly, so they don’t have to worry about random, smelly and sweaty strangers sleeping and farting on them, Taylor Swift is still a delicate flower and must keep up her appearance as such at all times. She looked fresher than ever as she emerged from a flight at Los Angeles International yesterday, and she even seemed extra perky about her hectic traveling schedule in her tight black sweater. I think that Taylor gets a pretty bad rap from people most of the time because she doesn’t seem like she can relate to the common man, so maybe the solution to that is writing an entire album about how she likes to fuck in airplane bathrooms. Sounds like instant Grammy success to me.

Photo Credits: WENN.com

Taylor Swift Is Rushed By A Fan Onstage In London

By Lex February 03, 2014 @ 6:24 PM

Taylor Swift Is Rushed By A Fan Onstage In London
Taylor Swift is being praised this morning for how well she handled a troubled British boy’s rushing onto the stage at the O2 concert arena during her sold out show in London. Rather than scream into her microphone, ‘Somebody get this fat fucking British tard off of me!’, Taylor calmly spoke with the Lost Boy until Taylor’s preppy security squadron could remove the kid peacefully from the stage. The boy was returned without incident to his normal life as an awkward social pariah and Taylor Swift fan blogger.

Photo Credit: Fame Flynet

That One’s Married, Taylor Swift

By Travis January 14, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

It probably surprised no one that Bono and U2 won a Golden Globe for their song from Mandela, just weeks after the guy died, but it’s fun to pretend that Taylor Swift immediately found the lead singer at the Weinstein Company’s Golden Globes after party on Sunday night to either give him a piece of her mind or try to date him. Taylor apparently partied her losing troubles away, as she danced with that Modern Family actress who looks like she’s 10 and some other girls, before she finally found the subject of her next album in Jared Leto. Did Taylor and Jared end up leaving the party together before having an hour’s worth of the most boring sex ever imagined? Probably, what am I, a fucking clairvoyant?

Photo Credits: Getty

Taylor Swift Plays the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show for No Reason

By Lex November 14, 2013 @ 1:43 PM

Taylor Swift Sings Onstage With Victoria's Secret Models For The VS Fashion Show In New York
When you think hot sexy women’s lingerie, your mind immediately races to Taylor Swift, the human wet blanket who wills your balls back up into your abdomen, then yells at you for wincing. Since CBS started paying to cover this annual show, they decided to turn it into a big TV Thanksgiving time special. Nobody at CBS has ever programmed for anybody under the age of near-death before, so I assume one of the execs kids just told them they wanted to meet Taylor Swift and a million corporate bucks made it happen. Toward the end of the show Taylor sang Teardrops On My Guitar as children from the various Victoria’s Secret sweatshops around Southeast Asia paraded on stage in their native costumes. Nothing makes you feel special like lingerie.

Photo Credit: Getty, WENN