Taylor Swift got dumped because she’s “asexual and wouldn’t put out”

By brendon January 10, 2013 @ 6:39 PM

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This should have been obvious based on nothing but the awful, frumpy bikinis she always wears, but Taylor Swift is a boring prude. Seriously. Just look at that god damn picture. What’s drier, the sand or her vagina?

That was rhetorical but I bet Harry Styles of ‘One Direction’ would know, because that’s reportedly why he broke up with her.

(Styles) dumped Taylor Swift after growing tired of her “asexual” ways, Radar.com says.
“Taylor is so concerned that the public will think she’s a wh*re because she dates around, that she doesn’t put out. What she doesn’t get is that the guys keep dumping her because she’s being a prude.”

The good news for Taylor is that there are lots of guys who would love to spend the night with a pale and bony stiff who just lies there in bed. The bad news is that they’re necrophiliacs.

Taylor Swift is single once again

By brendon January 07, 2013 @ 8:06 PM

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If for some reason you absolutely have to date Taylor Swift, the smart thing to do is to get in and get out as fast as possible, before she has time to think of words that rhyme with your name. So that’s what One Direction singer Harry Styles, who is 18, has now done after dating Taylor, who is 23, for less than two months.

It was a good move on his part. There are only two types of girls who hang around with boys that are 5 years younger than them. Lunatics and babysitters.

Taylor Swifts boyfriend slept over

By brendon December 19, 2012 @ 4:15 PM

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Taylor Swifts wormy looking poser boyfriend Harry Styles slept over at her house last night, but then took off when her mom showed up. Too bad he isn’t dating Lindsay. This would have pretty much been the plot of a porn movie.

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Taylor Swift even more annoying when beatboxing

By brendon December 06, 2012 @ 6:30 PM

The Grammy Nominations Concert is apparently a thing that exists, and it was last night in Nashville, hosted by Taylor Swift and LL Cool J, and it’s so cute the way the cunty, 22-year-old millionaire acts as if she’s just some awkward geeky teen while 10,000 people applaud her for it. It’s so adorable and endearing, I could just watch it all day.

Taylor Swift has truly worthless dating advice in Seventeen

By brendon November 15, 2012 @ 5:24 PM

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Someone at Seventeen magazine saw Taylor Swift, who is 22 and a terrible girlfriend but acts like she’s 16 and a wonderful girlfriend, and thought she’d be a great choice to give dating advice to high school girls. It was not a great choice, and the result was predictably awful.

For example, her thoughts on what a girl should do if a guy only sees her as a friend:

“Don’t chance ruining your friendship by chasing him before he’s ready. You just have to wait for him to turn it into something more, if and when he wants to.”

Holy shit that is terrible fucking advice. Unless the reader is a fucking ghost trapped in her high school forever, screw that, just ask the guy out. In two years she’ll have moved away and have all new friends, she sure as fuck won’t be hanging out with any of her old guy friends, so just put on some slutty clothes and be aggressive.

Come to think of it that’s actually pretty good advice for girls in general.

(source = fox. image source = inf)

everyone hates Taylor Swift now

By brendon November 02, 2012 @ 8:34 AM

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The last two times Taylor Swift released an album, she was nominated for the CMA Entertainer of the Year, and she won both times, but she did not win this year for her latest album ‘Red’. In fact she didn’t win anything at all, and the only thing she was awarded was scorn.

The Daily News says…

…hosts Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley took the opportunity to poke fun at Swift’s notorious love life in their opening monologue.
“The greatest trade of the year had to be the Kennedy family. They somehow traded Arnold Schwarzenegger for Taylor Swift,” Paisley deadpanned.
At that point, Underwood pretended to interrupt by whispering in his ear, presumably about the young couple’s recent split.
“What? Why don’t I ever hear about these things? I’m the last one to know,” Paisley bemoaned.
“Are they ever gonna get back together?” Paisley asked.
“Never, never, never,” Underwood replied. “Never ever.”

After that there was a mix of polite laughter and terrified screaming as people realized they still had 4 more hours of this to go and killed themselves.