everyone hates Taylor Swift now

By brendon November 02, 2012 @ 8:34 AM

20594

The last two times Taylor Swift released an album, she was nominated for the CMA Entertainer of the Year, and she won both times, but she did not win this year for her latest album ‘Red’. In fact she didn’t win anything at all, and the only thing she was awarded was scorn.

The Daily News says…

…hosts Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley took the opportunity to poke fun at Swift’s notorious love life in their opening monologue.
“The greatest trade of the year had to be the Kennedy family. They somehow traded Arnold Schwarzenegger for Taylor Swift,” Paisley deadpanned.
At that point, Underwood pretended to interrupt by whispering in his ear, presumably about the young couple’s recent split.
“What? Why don’t I ever hear about these things? I’m the last one to know,” Paisley bemoaned.
“Are they ever gonna get back together?” Paisley asked.
“Never, never, never,” Underwood replied. “Never ever.”

After that there was a mix of polite laughter and terrified screaming as people realized they still had 4 more hours of this to go and killed themselves.

Taylor Swift hates deaf kids

By brendon October 02, 2012 @ 2:34 PM

taylor_swift_red_promo

There was nothing in the rules of the Taylor Swift on Campus contest that said you had to be a student of the school that you voted for, but after taking a commanding lead, the Horace Mann School for the Deaf was disqualified anyway, even though their principal said the students would love it and he’d be happy to win.

Instead Harvey Mudd College has been declared the winner, while the Horace Mann School will receive $50,000 in cash and another $10,000 in musical instruments. Which just seems cruel. What are they gonna spend it on, bass drums? An entire band of nothing but bass drums? Awesome. People a mile in every direction will think Godzilla is chasing them. I’m sure that won’t cause any panic attacks. Way to go Taylor.

4Chan and Taylor Swift are making dreams come true

By brendon August 30, 2012 @ 3:09 PM

taylor_swift_twitter_4chan

You might think that the first step to winning a contest would be to enter the contest, but you’d be wrong and now I hate you.

Take the “Taylor Swift On Campus” contest for example, where people vote for their school and then Taylor will visit whoever get’s the most. This tumlbr says UCLA and UC Irvine are the current leaders, with 7,518 and 13,000+ votes, respectively.

Not bad, but the Horace Mann School For the Deaf can’t hear you over the sound of how awes-Well they can’t hear you because they’re deaf but they also can’t hear you because they’re so far ahead. They have 27,457 votes, despite having only 128 students, none of whom actually entered this stupid thing.

Luckily the benevolent chaps on /B stepped up last night and entered for them, instantly crushing all the giant schools who are actively trying to win this for some inexplicable reason. And if they do, Taylor Swift will stand in your quad with a guitar like an asshole and screech about mean boyfriends and mean boyfriends on facebook. Won’t that be a treat.

(image source for taylors twitter pictures = taylors twitter)

Taylor Swift crashed a Kennedy wedding, refused to leave

By brendon August 22, 2012 @ 4:08 PM

taylor_swift_conor_kennedy_gravesite_mary_kennedy

Taylor Swift was all smiles as she and her new boyfriend Conor Kennedy visited the gravesite of his mother, Mary Kennedy, who hung herself in May, but her inappropriate and overly familiar behavior didn’t stop there.

Taylor Swift crashed the Kennedy wedding in Boston over the weekend and did not leave after being twice asked to do so, the mother of the bride, Victoria Gifford Kennedy, told the Boston Herald yesterday.

Well Swift’s publicist says Kennedy is lying. She says the bride was thrilled to have her cousins summer girlfriend be the center of attention on her wedding day, so maybe this is a simple misunderstanding.

“They texted me an hour before the wedding and asked if they could come,” Vicki Kennedy said. “I responded with a very clear, ‘Please do not come.’ They came anyway. … I personally went up to Ms. Swift, whose entrance distracted the entire event, politely introduced myself to her, and asked her as nicely as I could to leave. It was like talking to a ghost. She seemed to look right past me.”

I would tread very lightly right now if I were you Vicki Kennedy. You are on very thin ice. Unless you want to turn on the radio next year and hear a shrill pubescent voice singing that you were a mean asshole to a sweet little angel for absolutely no reason, you’ll say “no comment” next time someone asks you about Taylor Swift.

(image source = inf)

what ex-boyfriend is Taylor Swift attacking now?

By brendon August 14, 2012 @ 4:37 PM

taylor_swift_swimsuit_boyfriend_conor_kennedy_kennedy_compound_hyannis_massachusetts

Taylor Swifts next album will be out in October and the first single, which was released today (hear it here), is called ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together’.

Naturally, it’s about a real ex-boyfriend who was a total jerk and played nothing but mind games with poor sweet Taylor, because yes, that totally happened once again. Just like it did in the songs she wrote about John Mayer and Jake Gyllenhall and Joe Jonas among others, or the one she wrote about Kanye West interrupting her.

Here are some of the lyrics. Keep in mind that Taylor Swift is 22 years old.

I’m really gonna miss you picking fights
And me, falling for a screaming that I’m right
And you, will hide away and find your piece of mind with some indie record that’s much cooler than mine

I used to think, that we, were forever ever ever
And I used to say never say never
Huh, he calls me up and he’s like, I still love you
And I’m like, I’m just, I mean this is exhausting, you know
We are never getting back together, like ever

Oh my God I fucking hate this cunt. It’s like having a girl text you during a temper tantrum, except she’s singing it. And the music is so empty and sterile and pointless and awful, it makes Dora the Explorer songs about teamwork sound like fucking Slipknot.

(image source of taylor in another geriatric swimsuit with her new boyfriend conor kennedy at the kennedy compound in hyannis this weekend = inf)

Read more >

Taylor Swift “humiliated” John Mayer

By brendon June 06, 2012 @ 11:01 AM

taylor_swift

John Mayer tells Rolling Stone that he was humiliated by Taylor Swift, perhaps because she laughed when he took his pants off for the first time, a pain I know all too well, though in hindsight I wish I had read the article first before volunteering that.

Mayer says that he was “really humiliated” by Taylor Swift’s song “Dear John,” which (she) allegedly wrote about him.
“It made me feel terrible. Because I didn’t deserve it. I’m pretty good at taking accountability now, and I never did anything to deserve that. It was a really lousy thing for her to do.”
“I never got an e-mail. I never got a phone call. I was really caught off-guard.”

At that point he stopped with the personal insults. And started with the profesional ones.

“I will say as a songwriter that I think it’s kind of cheap songwriting. I know she’s the biggest thing in the world, and I’m not trying to sink anybody’s ship, but I think it’s abusing your talent to rub your hands together and go, ‘Wait till he gets a load of this!’ That’s bullshit.”

Well then John should abuse his talent too and write a song called “678-61-9134″, or whatever her social security number is, and then have lyrics like, “Taylor Swift, who lives on 612 Doheny Road in Beverly Hills…” And then he could be like Taylor again and deny that the song is about anyone in particular, and really just about relationships in general. I hear ya John, I’ve been there too, buddy.

(image source = fame/flynet)