JAKE GYLLENHAAL AND TAYLOR SWIFT – broke up, and now that vindictive psychopath will no doubt try to embarrass him in one of her songs. “And people wonder why I’m gay,” Jake will no doubt say to himself. (us.com)
LINDSAY LOHAN – says she’s not stalking her ex Sam Ronson, and it’s just a coincidence that she moved across town to a house 30 feet from where Sam lives. And that seems reasonable. In a city of 15 million people, how could you NOT rent a house right next to your ex. It’s inevitable. (fox)
KATE GOSSELIN – is in Australia with her kids whom she clearly hates. Maybe thats why she’s teaching them that, when you see a crocodile in the water, go jump on it’s back and try to ride it. Come kids, there’s plenty of room, remember to make lots of quick, sudden moves.
Us magazine has a new picture of Taylor Swift and Maggie “the Sad Cartoon Turtle” Gyllenhaal out for completely spontaneous walk, just like the one Taylor had with her totally real boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal a few days ago. And just like before, they’re having so much fun laughing and pointing they didn’t even notice that photographer directly in front of them. They only have this one picture though, probably because the boom mic showed up in the other ones.
Jake Gyllenhaal (who turns 30 in 3 weeks) and Taylor Swift (who turns 21 in 2 weeks) are officially dating, according to Us magazine. Oh, the excitement.
Us has the first photos of Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal’s romantic Thanksgiving Day weekend.
Arm in arm, the two looked more smitten than ever as they took an afternoon stroll in Brooklyn’s Park Slope neighborhood
Dating for just five weeks, the romance is heating up.
“She loves his family and he loves hers,” says a Swift source.
Adds another pal, “It’s definitely serious.”
Hold on to your hats, because they also describe Taylor as “love-struck”. Well knock me down with a feather, why don’t you. I used to date a girl so clingy she liked to hold my dick when I took a piss. Taylor seems like that. Nuts.
Luckily for her Gyllenhaal is practically retarded and a mental blank slate so he probably won’t even notice. Here’s a timeline of what would happen if you hit that dummy in the head with a rock:
0:10 – Blank stare
0:20 – Blank stare
0:30 – “Heeyy, what the…”
Taylor Swift, who is 20, briefly dated John Mayer, who is 33, last year while collaborating on her record, and since every bad date this vindictive lunatic ever goes on gets a song about it, it’s a safe bet that the song on her new album called ‘Dear John’ is about Mayer.
The album won’t be released until Oct. 25, but Yahoo Music has the lyrics.
“Dear John/I see it all now that you’re gone/Don’t you think I was too young/To be messed with/The girl in the dress/Cried the whole way home/I should’ve known.”
“It was wrong/Don’t you think nineteen’s too young/To be played/By your dark, twisted games/When I loved you so.”
“My mother accused me of losing my mind/But I swore I was fine.”
“You’ll add my name to your long list of traitors who don’t understand/And I’ll look back in regret I ignored what they said/’Run as fast as you can’.”
Gee Taylor, maybe your dates would go better if the guy didn’t live every minute under the pressure that if he does something wrong, you’ll make him look like an asshole in front of millions of people.
Luckily, in this case, Mayer can write songs too. I think a good song would be one about a guy who worked really long hours locked in a room with this young needy slut who made it clear she was ready to give it up, so the guy was like, yeah okay why not. But she was horrible in bed and super clingy so he bailed. The song is called, “Two Can Play This Little Game, Dumb Ass”.
Emma Stone of ‘Superbad’ and ‘Zombieland’ wore this kick ass dress last night to the premiere of her new movie ‘Easy A’, and everything was going great until stupid Taylor Swift came and stood in the way.
MOVE YOU CRICKET LOOKIN BITCH!
Wait. Wait what’s going on in picture number 8? Are they about to kiss? Oh well never mind then. I didn’t know you were gonna do that. This whole thing is startin to look like ‘Easy A’ is one of those anal porn movies. Starring Emma Stone. Nice.
When someone has a conversation interrupted by stranger who later apologizes several times, the survivor typically goes on to lead a normal life. But others are so haunted by the event, they must confront their attacker musically. And so last night at the 2010 VMA’s, with Kanye West in the audience, Taylor Swift sang a song about the 2009 VMA’s, when Kanye crashed the stage as she accepted an award.
Can this story continue to overreact on such a huge scale to this non event? You know it brother! Popeater says…
Taylor Swift once again found herself in the company of the man that made her cry.
The guy who gave her that shitty spiral perm?
Not only was the young Taylor seeing Kanye West for the first time since the rapper’s infamous ambush at last year’s VMAs, she was also debuting a new song about him that she was terrified to perform.
I would have been too, this song is fucking terrible.
“Taylor was a nervous wreck before she hit the stage last night,” a friend of the singer tells me. “She knew Kanye was in the building and was terrified and praying that he wouldn’t pull another stunt.”
“Dear God, please protect me from anything interesting…”
Taylor’s new song was indeed very emotional. “Lost your balance on the tight rope / It’s never too late to get it back,” she sang. “Thirty-two and still growing up now … who you are is not what you say,” Swift continued as everyone in the audience waited for West to react.
But he didn’t. Because why would he? “Lost your balance on the tight rope / It’s never too late to get it back”? The fuck does that mean? She could sing that while pointing at me and working a little doll that looks like me that says “YOU” on it and then have the doll fall off a little tight rope, and it still wouldn’t register. I would just smile and nod politely and give her a thumbs up.