10.16.2008 TEA CHEATED WITH BILLY BOB. WAIT WHAT?

David Duchovny just completed a six-week stay in a rehab for sexual compulsion, so it may not be surprising to hear that he and Tea Leoni are now separating after 11 years of marriage.  What is surprising is that the reason for the split has nothing to do with David having an affair, but because Tea was having an affair with Billy Bob Thornton.  What.  The fuck.   The Daily Mail says…

It was not his 'sexual compulsion proclivity' that caused the break-down of their marriage, but rather his discovery of explicit text messages on her mobile phone sent by actor Billy  Bob Thornton.
Through the texts Duchovny found out she had begun a relationship with Thornton.
Billy Bob met Téa when they made a comedy film together earlier this year called Manure.
Thornton, a musician with his own band, has been seen with Téa at his gigs.  'She even helps him load and unload his truck,' says a friend of the couple.

If you make a list of the gold-medal winning ass Billy Bob Thornton has gotten his hands on, it would be as impressive as any list you’d ever see.  It may even rival my own.  Reporters from LA and NY will tell you I'm only an urban legend, but follow the trail of broken hearts to sororities in the south and you’ll discover my erotic adventures are all too real.

06.26.2008 TEA LEONI IS NOT BAD

Tea Leoni is 42 and has two kids, but she didn’t look half bad when she was on Malibu beach two days ago.   She doesn’t look fantastic or anything, but I have an image in my head when I think of middle aged moms, and let's not kid each other, it's not that great.  White women especially don't always age great.  Seeing beautiful woman like Elizabeth Taylor slowly turn into monsters is horrifying.  It would be less depressing to just bring out some kittens and drown them.