Teresa Giudice Seems Like a Happy Prisoner

By Lex April 01, 2015 @ 10:22 AM

Teresa Giudice Poses For US Weekly Cover In Prison
Teresa Giudice is on the cover of US Weekly with her smiling family visiting her in prison. They’re either putting on a brave face or they’re just kind of excited the shower drains at home aren’t constantly clogged up for the first time in forever. The story is really about how Teresa’s daughters are coping without their felonious mom around to give them strong guidance. They’re telling the five year old that mom’s at work because, technically, when you’re a thief, incarceration is really just an extra shift. It’s unclear whether or not her prison stint followed by Toilet Joe’s four year stretch is going to hasten or delay these girls from ending up horribly like all other reality show kids sold out by their parents. The Giudices say they would return to Bravo! if the money was right. Or if they could just steal whatever they wanted out of Andy Cohen’s ass safe.

Photo Credit: US Weekly/WWTDD Archives

Teresa Giudice An Ideal Mother

By Matt January 05, 2015 @ 7:07 AM

TG

Teresa Giudice’s daughter Gia posted a photo of the two of them ringing in the holidays before Mom heads to the slammer for fifteen months for fraud. They are wearing coordinated ensembles which were paid for with other people’s money. Giudice has reportedly been telling her young daughters she is going to prison to research a book about prison. That seems like a leap given her previous passions consisted of buying shit at the mall and committing financial fraud. Couldn’t she have said she was taking a job updating the prisons in Mediterranean modern and would be back in a year and some change. At least her daughter will remember how mom cared enough to make up a non-plausible story easily debunked with her first Google search. I don’t remember exactly what happened to the daughters of the women in Chained Heat but I’m pretty sure they went on to star in Chained Heat 2.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Teresa Giudice Sues Her Lawyer

By Matt December 04, 2014 @ 6:06 AM

TG

Suing your own attorney is an exercise in futility akin to shaving your own balls or cooking your own thai food. You’re clearly out of good options. Teresa Giudice of Real Housewives of New Jersey is rolling the dice. She was handed a 15 month prison sentence for bankruptcy fraud because she did not disclose several sources of sheltered income and is now suing attorney James Kridel because he apparently did not make enough of an effort to investigate the money she wasn’t being forthcoming about. You can’t hire a shady lawyer and accuse him of malpractice any more than you should talk shit to a $20 dollar whore because her weave smells like wood rot. It’s build into the as-is deal package.

$11 million dollars in debt and in the midst of bankruptcy proceedings, Giudice continued to be featured on Real Housewives flushing money down the toilet on shit like $8,000 curtains. Had this been a storyline the show may have been watchable for fifteen minutes while your browsed Tinder pretending bi-curious doesn’t mean gay. Next time your girlfriend watches this kind of shit and has the nerve to say ‘those curtains are cute’ immediately disavow her. Outside of her shitty taste, her morals are rotten too.

Photo Credit: Getty Images 

Joe And Teresa Giudice Go To Jail And Shit Around The Web

By Jack October 03, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

Teresa-and-Joe-Giudice-leaving-court

Reality TV stars Joe and Teresa Giudice are going to jail for tax fraud. Before they are locked up and raped repeatedly by people who don’t give a shit so much about you being a Bravo! Housewives star, bright white toothed Andy Cohen is going to interview them and pretend television exposure was good for them in the long run.

Read all about how long The Giudice’s can expect to be forcibly sodomized. (TMZ)

Katherine Heigl’s crew pulls out their schlongs during her latest fuck scene. (Huffington Post)

Chrissy Teigen “accidentally” slips a nip. (Drunken Stepfather)

Abigail Ratchford in a bikini makes my wiener happy. (Hollywood Tuna)

Danielle Knudson in lingerie is part of your complete breakfast. (Popoholic)

Turns out Nicholas Sparks is an anti-Semite AND a shitty writer. (Dlisted)

Jessie J has a nice pair of double Ds in Cosmo UK. (COED)

Photo credit: Splash News

Teresa and Joe Giudice Seem Less Innocent Now

By Lex March 04, 2014 @ 5:20 PM

Teresa and Joe Giudice Leave Court In Newark
You can only protest your innocence for so long before the court date arrives and you need to look contrite and beg the judge for leniency as you plead guilty to lying, cheating, and stealing. Joe and Teresa Giudice, of Real Housewives of New Jersey fame, were facing up to 30 years in prison for making up bankruptcy debts, then making a bunch of dough from Bravo and hiding that from Uncle Sam as well. Pretty standard grifter stuff. They won’t get anything close to 30 years, maybe a few months, because America still lets con artists skate with lots of fines and public humblings. It goes back to the old days when the money classes decided they needed to slap each other on the wrist for being naughty natties, but not open the door to the hangings and beheadings reserved for the apple-stealing riffraff.

“I will describe the choices I made, continue to take responsibility for my decisions and express my remorse to Judge Salas and the public. I am heartbroken that this is affecting my family — especially my four young daughters, who mean more to me than anything in the world.” — Teresa Giudice

Now that sounds like a good mom of four young daughters. I hope she describes her choices in a new book that includes some killer recipes for easy lasagna and some advice on what to do with the kids on a summer staycation. Just make sure to keep those book sale receipts, eh, Teresa.

Photo Credit: Getty

Joe Giudice Might Be Cheating On Horrible Wife Teresa

By Jack November 25, 2013 @ 1:18 PM

Soon to be convicted criminal Joe Giudice is apparently cheating on his banshee wife Teresa with some random chick. The greasy fraud was spotted by RadarOnline 30 miles from home having lunch with a woman who was hiding behind a big hat and sunglasses. During the meal he repeatedly reached out and touched her with his salami styled fingers. Joe has been in serious trouble for fraud and financially shady shit that’s likely to send him to jail soon. His wife Teresa, the shrieking beast star of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, has also been indicted for taking part in Joe’s dirty deals. If she finds out he’s rubbing his greasy paws on another woman, the first thing she’ll do is probably sleep with one of Joe’s friends for revenge. I don’t envy any of Joe’s friends at the moment.

Photo credit: RadarOnline