Some fame whore on New Zealand’s less classless version of The Bachelor farted really loud on camera. I’d like to think in America she’d be banished from the set along with her gift basket being confiscated. The United States has traditionally been an inspiration to the rest of the world. A shining beacon of light for those huddled masses yearning to breathe free. Nowadays we give them a syndicated show where a gay guy courts strippers who rip ass in prime time. Why was this not edited out? Everyone always talks about how beautiful New Zealand is and how you Have to Go. If this is what they’re doing with their time they can fuck themselves. We have forests and cliffs too. Let me Google it. I blame Peter Jackson. Fucking hobbits.
Network television is inherently uninteresting because it lacks tits and swearing and grotesque violence and the other things that form the basic hierarchy of interesting viewing. Contestant Ashley on the Bachelor touted her virgin status then took off her bikini top to prove that she can both lie and follow producer instructions. The goal of the show is to become marketable enough to sell a diet powder when the series ends or if you’re lucky, become the second wife of an NFL player until your untimely death. I’ve never understood the allure of staged reality shows. I like real. I like fake. I don’t see the value of fake real. If my girlfriend is reading this, you don’t need to pretend. I don’t care that much. Let’s not get caught up in who’s getting what and when. It’ll all even out when you find a better boyfriend.
Photo Credit: ABC
Some idiot named Jordan Branch got black out drunk on The Bachelor and is blaming the show’s producers. It’s commonly known that reality show producers get participants drunk so they will act like sluts and assholes. That’s the foundation of reality television. It’s the bar at 3am. Else everyone would discover their last ounce of self-respect and go home. Being convinced to do embarrassing shit on national TV requires frat initiation volumes of drink. Also, Branch brought her own whiskey as a stunt and gave it to The Bachelor. Pretty sure the producers didn’t tell you to do that.
Branch claims she told the producers she had a problem holding her liquor prior to taping but they ignored her because they rightfully treat their contestants like stupid cattle. Branch is advocating for a chaperone be present on set who would cut people off when they’ve had too much to drink. Sophisticated tactics like that should happen around the same time people stop appearing on a TV show to find a spouse. You’re not the first or the last. Go underground for a few weeks and change your hair.
Photo Credit: ABC
Photo Credit: Splash
Nikki Ferrell is on that reality show where a bunch of good looking woman compete for the chance to marry some dude with amazing hair. Most of the show contestants ultimately end up drunk or dead or worse, married to the Bachelor. I’m not sure why anyone buys into the scripted nonsense of these romance reality shows. I guess there’s just a universal need to feel that romance is still alive. I feed that need by watching porn. Less commercials than The Bachelor.
Photo Credit: PCN
Being on a TV reality show is probably the most dangerous job in America. You have to look to swing shift street cops in Baghdad before you can begin to approximate the at-risk exposure in the normal conduct of your occupation. Gia Allemand doubled down by being on The Bachelor and dating an NBA basketball player. That led her to kill herself. Her family’s statement said she was battling inner demons. Which I suppose is more vaguely comforting than knowing that it was The Bachelor who took her.