By Lex September 18, 2013 @ 11:29 AM
Jim Bob and Michelle have 19 kids and no relevant source of income outside of their evil-box TV money other than ‘undefined real estate earnings’. God told them to manufacture babies until they were spent shells, and now onto the next generation of who knows how many hundreds of grandchildren. Daughter Jessa is currently being courted by Ben, a boy from their church. They keep a close eye on Jessa and her 18-year old suitor, reading all their texts and emails to make sure they include the word ‘Jesus’ and exclude the words ‘I want to stick my dick in you so badly you hot piece of Christian meat’. The entire family snoops to ensure there’s zero physical contact between the two until marriage, save for one approved move.
“Dad allowed them to do a side hug when they were officially courting. They agreed that would be the only contact they should have.” — Michelle Duggar, the mom who calls her husband ‘Dad’
The levels of intimacy will dramatically change after the wedding as the family encircles their naked daughter urging Ben to fuck babies into her until her tubes are stretched like Chinese noodles. But, for now, just the side hugs.
By Lex June 19, 2013 @ 3:54 PM
You may recall The Duggars as the 19 and Counting reality TV family that is overpopulating the planet in order to fulfill their manifest destiny. Now, the eldest Duggar son has taken a job with the Family Research Council in Washington. They’re the group that tries to gets tits and swear words out of the media. They also don’t like the gays so much, well, it’s not that they don’t like them it’s just that they think they’re agents of Beelzebub. So, GLAAD, a leading activist group for the Sodomites, issued some bitchy statement telling people to stop watching The Duggars reality show on TLC. This entire thing smacks of the worst grade school fight ever. Who cares if holy babymaker jr. wants to take a job with the FRC and why is the FRC so obsessed with stopping greasy butt love in the first place? It’s not like that’s going to reproductively compete with the ‘on your back and spread ‘em for Jesus’ strategy the Duggars have going on. As always, I side with the people who are too fucking lazy or disinterested to get involved in other people’s shit. Which is nobody involved in this particular story.