Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino has switched business paths from spreading social disease on camera to aiding people in their quest for melanoma. He opened a tanning salon in New Jersey which employs his mother, brother, sister, and several other members of his coming up circle along with some unfortunate strangers. This is how the rich stay rich. They don’t just lend away their hard earned reality TV money to their loser family members. Instead, they abide by the Italian tradition of offering them menial jobs in shitty franchise operations. Apparently four of the salon employees had their paychecks bounce and filed a report with the Middleton Police Department. Officer, I’d like to report that I’ve just been fucked by The Situation. They get that a lot.
The insufficient funds paychecks were for between $100 and $200 which would put these people somewhere in the income range of unable to figure out the welfare system. The Situation’s brother Frank said he was surprised that the employees went to the cops because it had only been a few days since the checks came up bad. We all know a few days means about a week, and if your weekly income is around a a buck fifty and you’re staring down your last syrup sandwich, well, fuck you, boss. Frank Sorrentino claims the mistake was due to a recent change in payroll companies, which is Jersey for money moving from his left pocket to the right pocket. Implied in his defense was the fact that people should feel lucky to be within six ultraviolet degrees of his brother Mike, the first Sorrentino to ever fuck a college girl.
Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino has started shooting the reality show absolutely no one wants to see. You’ll recall that the Sitch, (ugh), is the 47-year-old troglodyte from The Jersey Shore that was always showing people his tummy. Human herp sores Jwoww and Snooki have their own show, so why not The Situation? Because he’s an uninteresting D-Bag. There is nothing entertaining about this guy. At least with Snooki and Jwoww you can laugh at them like people used to do with freaks and deformed prostitutes. But The Situation is just…boring.
Go to any bar in Staten Island, The Bronx, New Jersey, or Long Island and there will be 58 Situations. Pathetic aging Guidos making up for receding hair lines and loss of penile vitality by ‘roiding up and becoming sexual predators. I’d say MTV will have the good sense to cancel this program early in its run, but knowing the former music video network, they’ll probably just wait for him to get arrested or die and move on to the next one.
After reports that Ronnie and the Situation got into a fight Monday night while filming season 3 of ‘Jersey Shore’ in Florence, it was a welcome relief to see the two of them out for a walk yesterday, and that the Situation was just as handsome as ever. Although he looked a little meek. Like a battered wife. Two seconds after this he no doubt said, “I’m sorry I made you yell at me, Ronnie.”
Yesterday afternoon there was a story saying Ronnie and the Situation, currently filming season 3 of ‘Jersey Shore’ in Florence, Italy, got into a fight Monday night, and it all added up because there were pictures showing cuts on Ronnies hand and bruises on Situations face, and that’s what happens when the first thing is repeatedly slammed into the second thing.
We probably won’t know the truth until the season starts, but for now MTV isn’t saying anything about a fight, and referring to the incident as an “accident”.
“Monday evening, Mike (the Situation) received medical attention after an accidental injury in the house. He was treated and is now at home with the rest of the cast.”
The difference between a house and a home is that a home is filled with love, so yes MTV, he’s at “home”. Clearly these two have found a way to get along. In this case, Ronnie enjoys punching people in the face, and the Situation has a face. That’s called finding common ground.