elin hit tiger in the head with a golf club, part 2

By brendon December 14, 2009 @ 3:13 PM


Last week someone on the PGA Tour told me Elin Nordegren grabbed a golf club and went after Tiger Woods as if he was filled with candy when she found out about his affairs on November 27th, and that was why he never had any control of his car when he left the house and why he crashed into a neighbors tree (more here).

Last Thursday, the Sun reported that Tiger had a tooth knocked out that night, and that’s why he hasn’t made any public appearances.

This is all just rumor of course, but the Florida Department of Children and Families seems to think she hit him too, because police notes and sources say she did, and now they have an open investigation to see if it happened in front of their kids. Radar says…

Florida’s Department of Children and Families has an open investigation that it is actively pursuing into a possible domestic violence incident – with a weapon — between Tiger Woods and his wife.
RadarOnline.com has exclusively obtained a police document that provides proof and details of the investigation.
The document  – police dispatch notes – details that the investigation centers on possible domestic violence between Tiger and his wife taking place in front of their young children. Using police code, it also spells out that a unknown weapon may have been involved. A source close to the situation (said) the weapon is a golf club.

Domestic violence is never funny under any circumstance, unless it’s a girl beating up a guy, in which case it’s hilarious 100 percent of the time. Girls are small, weak, and punch like they’re doing the dog paddle, so even if she trained a bear to shoot a gun at you, it’s embarrassing to get beaten up by one. This crazy bitch is like Laura Croft, except this time, the game is for real!

holy crap! tiger woods just quit golf!

By brendon December 11, 2009 @ 8:47 PM


Yesterday the Sun reported that Elin Nordegren had given Tiger Woods an ultimatum. If he wanted to save their marriage after his seemingly endless cheating scandal, he would have to take a leave from golf and focus on repairing the damage he’s done.

“They have agreed to try and rebuild their marriage, but Elin will be the one calling the shots. It will be a long time before he’s travelling the globe playing golf unless Elin’s by his side.
“Tiger will have to work long and hard to get her to trust him again. Quitting golf shows he is willing to sacrifice something he loves so much to protect his family.”

And now that’s exactly what he’s done, announcing the move less than an hour ago on his website.

I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I’ve done, but I want to do my best to try.
I would like to ask everyone, including my fans, the good people at my foundation, business partners, the PGA Tour, and my fellow competitors, for their understanding. What’s most important now is that my family has the time, privacy, and safe haven we will need for personal healing.
After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.
Again, I ask for privacy for my family and I am especially grateful for all those who have offered compassion and concern during this difficult period.

ABC News says Tiger is on his way to Sweden so his now uninterrupted ass kicking can begin. Aw this poor bastard. Why Sweden? He’ll be surrounded by the same kind of blonds he’s been banging for 5 years. This is like locking up a bear in a cage filled with pots of honey.

you can nail one of tigers whores for $600

By brendon December 11, 2009 @ 7:42 PM


The big update in all the Tiger Woods news is that, not only was he sleeping with whoever he could pick up in clubs, but he was paying for prostitutes as well, sometimes two at a time. This according to Michelle Braun, who ran a call girl ring for 15 years, up until 2007. The New York Daily News says…

Braun revealed (that Woods) was particularly smitten by a gorgeous Playboy model from Long Island named Loredana Jolie.
“He went out with her four or five times. She took part in group sex. They met up in 2006 or early 2007. I’d say he paid $15,000 for her.”

And E! Online says it was Braun who arranged for Woods to meet Holly Sampson and Jamie Jungers, though Jungers appeared on the Today show this morning and denied this.

Two of those former employees, Braun claims, were porn actress Holly Sampson and onetime Trashy Lingerie model Jamie Jungers.

With all this mind, I put on my detective cap and went searching for more information about Holly Sampson: Professional Slut. Unfortunately my investigation quickly led to a bunch of porn sites and within 9 minutes I had masturbated and was taking a nap. But then by random coincidence, one of the sexy readers emailed me exactly what I was looking for: Holly Sampsons rate sheet and contact info, with reviews by total strangers who fukced her, thankfully included.

Read more >

rachel uchitel is a heartbreaker

By brendon December 10, 2009 @ 5:20 PM


Elin Nordegrens nemesis Rachel Uchitel worked out this morning in New York, and I just can’t find it in me to stay mad at her. How can you not love her? She’s a successful business woman, she’s slutty, she’s tan, and she got implants that would look huge even if they were put into a girl 40 feet tall.

But I’m not the only one smitten, at least according to this email that MSNBC says Tiger wrote to her.

“I don’t know if this is going to work. I thought I was getting to know you, but it feels like I’m just another person who happens to be famous. Every time I think about it, I get a lump in my throat. … I don’t know what person I was falling for so hard. The one I got to know on the phone, e-mail, text and in person. Or the one who likes famous people. I am so confused, because what my brain is saying and what my heart is saying are two different things. … It guts me to think I’ve fallen for the wrong one.”

It takes some balls to write a letter guilt tripping your side piece for not being committed to your adulterous relationship. This guy is either a complete pussy, or everything I’ve ever wanted to be, I still can’t tell which.

(image source = splash news online and wenn)

tiger woods is a sociopath

By brendon December 10, 2009 @ 1:14 PM


Lingerie model Jamie Jungers is the third girl, at least, that Tiger Woods started sleeping with while still in the first year of his marriage. Last night she talked to the Sun (the newspaper, not the yellow dwarf main sequence star) and confessed that during their 18-month affair, she and Tiger would have sex in his house and even in the bed that he shared with his wife.

Jamie said they began their secret affair in June 2005, after Tiger introduced himself in a club at the exclusive Bellagio Hotel in Las Vegas.
Within hours he wooed Jamie back to his hotel room for sex.
It came just eight months after he wed Swede Elin Nordegren.
Weeks later, Tiger invited her to his family home near Newport Beach, California.
By this time, Jamie had strong feelings for the golfer – and seeing pictures around the house of him with Elin made her unhappy.
She said: “It was heartbreaking. I imagined how she would feel if she knew I was in her house.”
“Later I said to him, ‘I don’t know a whole lot about your marriage situation. I know it is very fresh. I know you just got married. I mean, is it going OK?’ He said, ‘Yes, it’s fine, she’s in Sweden with her family’.”

I’m not a professional detective, but when the girl he was sleeping with asked if his marriage was okay, I don’t think the answer she was looking for was, “yeah she’s in Sweden”. I think she meant something else.

I told Tiger about my theory and he said, “Oh, you mean like longitude and latitude? Is that what she wanted? Or just a specific city, and how many hours it would take for my wife to get from there to this pile of whores I have on our bed. Because I made a chart for that.”

tiger has been cheating the enitire time

By brendon December 09, 2009 @ 8:34 PM


Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren were married on October 5, 2004, which is relevant because forums on the golf website 4gea.com have a post written on August 31, 2005, and according to that Tiger was cheating on his wife less than a year into his marriage.

Okay, let me preface this by saying that I have no proof of what I am about to say. Therefore I cannot guarantee the accuracy of these claims.  I am simply going to relay a story that was told to me last night.
My buddy’s girlfriend told me that her best friend just had an affair with Tiger this past weekend in Las Vegas. She was in the VIP section of Light ( a very exclusive club inside the Bellagio) when one of Tiger’s bodyguards asked her to come meet Tiger. She went over and sat with him, had a few drinks, then left through the back door. Got in Tiger’s limo, and he took her back to his exclusive room behind the MGM Grand.
Now I do know this girl and she is very attractive but not quite on the same level as Elin :-) I do not like spreading rumors like this but I’m fascinated by this story for some reason. I would never think of Tiger as the cheating type, especially since he is still a newlywed. She is a nice, normal girl from what I can tell and this is a pretty outlandish story to make up out of the clear blue sky.

Being famous must be awesome. Tiger is a damn nerd. If he weren’t rich, he would have to see a girl he likes then break into her house when she’s gone and find out what kind of things she likes and dislikes and then set up a bunch of amazing coincidences. Another good tip is to try and get them on a boat for some reason.