Tom Brady’s Old Bodyguards Are Going To Prison

By Travis November 19, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Back in 2009, Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen were married in Costa Rica, where they tried to enjoy a nice, private wedding ceremony with their friends and family like all extremely wealthy couples ultimately desire. What they didn’t want was a bunch of dickhead paparazzi climbing the fences and trying to sneak pictures of the ceremony and reception, so they had their then-bodyguards, Miguel Solis and Alexander Rivas, making sure that nobody was taking photos. When the pair found two paparazzi snapping pictures, they demanded that they turn over their memory cards, and when they refused, the bodyguards opened fire on their car. Now, according to TMZ, Miguel and Alexander have been sentenced to five years in prison, and this will really only be an important story when one of Tom’s kids goes missing five years and one day from now.

Photo Credit: Getty

Gisele Bundchen might be pregnant

By brendon November 05, 2012 @ 1:10 PM

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I don’t mean to alarm Tom Brady, but his wife Gisele Bunchen appears to be pregnant. Or maybe he already knew that. Maybe she was on Miami beach yesterday because he wanted her to relax. That would be a very mature reaction to a girl telling you she’s pregnant. Certainly better than mine, which was to open her car door and push her out.

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Gisele says Tom Brady can’t catch the f**king ball too

By brendon February 06, 2012 @ 12:05 PM

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One thing that certainly helped the Giants win the Super Bowl last night was the three dropped passes by Patriots receivers in the fourth quarter. This was not lost on Tom Bradys wife Gisele Bundchen, who of course caught some shit from Giants fans on the way out of the stadium (video on the Insider here).

After they yelled things like “Eli rules” and “Eli owns your husband”, she turned to a friend and said, “they didn’t catch the ball when they were supposed to”, then yelled at the fan:

“My husband can not fucking throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time.”

To which Patriot fans replied, “We haven’t wona fahkin Supa Bowl since Tawmmy Brady married tha spic whore, but fa once she has a point otha than that beak onha fahkin face.”

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its Gisele Bundchen and her naked son

By brendon August 11, 2011 @ 1:32 PM

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While her husband Tom Brady gets ready for his first preseason game tonight vs Jacksonville, Gisele Bundchen is on a beach in Costa Rica with their two-year-old son Ben. Who was running around naked. “I fackin knew it,” said every single Patriots fan when they saw the pictures. “I bet Derek Jeetah and A-Rawds kid aint got a hog like that. Them fackin poofs don’t even have no kids. Makes ya waander, right?”

(image source = fame)

That’s Gisele Bundchen. That’s not Tom Brady.

By brendon October 01, 2010 @ 3:46 PM

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Gisele Bundchen certainly is a friendly lady. While her husband Tom Brady is back home in Boston preparing to play the Dolphins Monday night, she’s in Paris having foreplay with some guy two guys. “Gawd dammit! I knew thaat spic whoor was ganna be a praablem,” said every single Patriots fan when they heard the news.

gisele will steal your baby

By brendon March 30, 2009 @ 8:29 AM

If you don’t remember, New England Patriot’s quarterback Tom Brady dated actress Bridgett Moynahan from 2004 to 2006, and got her pregnant just before they broke up.  Then he dated and eventually married supermodel Gisele Bundchen.  But Gisele makes it clear in this months Vanity Fair that she respects Bridget’s role as the mother of Toms child, so much so that she and Bridget live in the same town but have never met and Gisele says he’s, “my child, 100 percent.” 

 “I understand that he has a mom, and I respect that, but to me it’s not like because somebody else delivered him, that’s not my child. I feel it is, 100 percent,” Gisele says. “I want him to have a great relationship with his mom, because that’s important, but I love him the same way as if he were mine. I already feel like he’s my son, from the first day.”

This is what happens when girls are too hot.  They go their entire lives without anyone telling them to shut the hell up and so they never realize that they’re dumb.  But she would have been put in her place if she wore these shorts out this weekend, because I had mine on too, except mine lace up in the front as well, and several very satisfied ladies agreed that I owned that shit.