TOM CRUISE IS THOUGHTFUL

By brendon October 03, 2006 @ 5:16 PM

Tom Cruise is determined to help Katie Holmes reclaim the movie star body she had before getting pregnant and giving birth to their daughter Suri almost 6 months ago.  Except, replace “determined” and any supportive connotations that may have with the image of Tom calling her a fat ass and making little piggy sounds when she looks at food.  TMZ says:

Tom has become "very concerned" about her appearance these days, and has become directly involved with Katie's workout regimen as a result.  According to sources, Tom is willing to do whatever it takes so his bride-to-be "looks the best that she can walking next to him down the aisle."

That includes “joining her in her workouts” (yelling at her during her workouts) and  “personally booking a babysitter” (not personally booking a babysitter).  In order to look more streamlined, Katie is lifting weights 4-5 times a week, focusing on her shoulders and back.  In order to look more crazy, Tom spends 4-5 days a week monitoring Katie from behind a two way mirror, focusing on tapping his fingers together in a big leather chair and saying “yes, yes my kittens they like the pain”.



BRAD PITT IN “MISSION : IMPOSSIBLE 4″?

By brendon September 19, 2006 @ 6:39 PM

Less than a month ago, Paramount Pictures embarrassed Tom Cruise by not renewing his production deal with the company, a move that was basically seen as Cruise being fired.  Now Paramount may take things even further and replace him in the "Mission : Impossible" franchise with Brad Pitt, one of his biggest rivals.  The Daily Mail says:

(Paramount) is determined to keep the lucrative series alive after "Mission : Impossible III" took $400 million at the box office, with the previous episode taking $545 million … Sources say Paramount is prepared to do whatever it takes to get Pitt on board, and is even willing to make him the highest-paid movie star in history, with a salary topping $40 million … "Everything's being kept top secret, but they're offering Brad a deal no one could possibly refuse. There's no doubt, this would make Brad Pitt the biggest and highest paid star in the world."

I know Brad Pitt is busy chasing chickens around villages and following his sexy wife through enchanted jungles, but if he could make time for this, that would be awesome.  I didn’t win the Nobel Prize in karate because I’m so handsome (although I certainly could have), I won it because I know a little something about kickin ass, and I have to believe Tyler Durden is scarier than Jerry Maguire.  Syrupy love notes and precocious kids are annoying, but they’re not gonna make me hand over this lethal virus.

more after the jump



TOM CRUISE IS A TOUGH GUY

By brendon September 18, 2006 @ 5:44 AM

A new report alleges that Tom Cruise used a scientology "mob" to physically intimidate the head of Paramount Pictures during contract negotiations on "Mission Impossible III".  Radar Online says:

Paramount Pictures honcho (Brad) Grey had a highly unpleasant run-in with the Church during his tense negotiations with Cruise over Mission: Impossible 3. Grey, who had recently joined the studio, entered the talks determined to make Cruise accept a smaller share of the gross revenues than he had from the first two installments in the franchise. (For those films, the actor reportedly took home an unheard-of 30 percent of the total revenue.) Leaving the office one night, the diminutive Grey, walking to his car in the Paramount lot, suddenly found himself surrounded by more than a dozen Scientologists, who pressured him to ease up on the actor, according to the source.  Following a terse exchange, the visitors allowed Grey to get into his car and leave, but the message was clear.

John Travolta is said to have used similar tactics and tried to bully studio heads into making "Battlefield Earth", a movie based on a book by scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard.

In the late nineties, John Travolta furiously lobbied reluctant former Fox studio chief Bill Mechanic to produce Battlefield Earth, the science-fiction stinker based on a story by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard. "He had Scientologists all over me," Mechanic told Radar last year. "They come up to you and they know who you are."  (He) was unswayed: "Do you think in any way, shape, or form that weirding me out is going to make me want to make this movie?"

There might be a few holes in any plan based on a gang of thugs brought together by their common belief in scientology.  Because scientology is about UFO's.  So these "thugs" are basically Trekkies.  If I ever got cornered by Commander Data and Magneto and Lara Croft, at no point would it ever cross my mind that I was in danger.  In fact I would almost definitely end up giving them candy.



TOM AND KATIE ARE GETTING MARRIED. MAYBE.

By brendon September 15, 2006 @ 4:09 AM

After getting engaged almost 15 months ago, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes will get married in the next six weeks, according to various new reports.   News.com says:

Katie's close friend, Andrea Burnoutz told US Weekley, "All I really know is that the wedding is soon! They will surprise us all."  Another source said: "It's going to happen in the next three to six weeks."   Tom and Katie's representative Arnold Robinson has confirmed they are planning to tie the knot this northern autumn.  He said: "The wedding is still in the planning stages. They're really excited about it. They have always said they will be married by early autumn, and they are still in that window. They can't wait."

First the adorable Suri pictures, now a lavish wedding!  So much positive news!  And right after Cruise got fired from Paramount!  What a coincidence!



SURI CRUISE IS FREAKIN ADORABLE

By brendon September 06, 2006 @ 3:22 PM

I guess these pictures of Suri Cruise in today’s Vanity Fair could be cuter, but only if there was a baby tiger and a baby panda dressed in little Halloween costumes in the background.  The tiger would be dressed as a pirate and the panda would be a ghost in a sheet with holes cut out for eyes.  And then they went to the house and the person ran out of candy after giving candy to the baby pirate tiger, so the baby ghost panda didn’t get any, so then the baby pirate tiger would share his candy with the baby ghost panda.  Other than that, I think the cuteness is pretty much maxed out.

SURI CRUISE ON VIDEO. SORTA.

By brendon September 06, 2006 @ 2:41 AM

 

I can't stress enough how this is pretty much the exact same thing as before, but now a video camera swoops in and Katie Couric does an annoying voice over as part of her debut last night as the anchorwoman of the CBS Evening News. Ooo, celebrity baby pictures! That's some hard hitting news Katie! You’re bringing respectability back to CBS News already! I hear tomorrow she has an expose on this falls cat fashion show. Are mittens in? What about vests? Don't got to PetSmart until you see Katie’s report!