Just about two weeks ago, a model named Alexandra Paressant told X17 Online that she had been having an affair with Tony Parker, the San Antonio Spurs point guard and husband of Eva Longoria. She offered several private text messages from Parker as proof and detailed their sex life, where they met, how they met and why Tony would cheat on Eva (she was boring in bed). Parker and Longoria both vehemently denied the allegations and Parker sued X17. Now, after some pretty impressive reporting by People, it turns out this bitch is nuts and Parker is telling the truth. Not only is he not sleeping with Paressant, he's never even met her, the pictures she claims are her are really a German model named Hana Nitsche (above) and Paressant has done this sort of thing before with international soccer superstar Ronaldinho. People reporter Dana Kennedy says:
I tracked down Paressant last week after getting a routine assignment by PEOPLE magazine: find the French model who says she met Parker at his big July wedding to Longoria and started sleeping with him in September.
When I googled her, I got an eyeful: her ex-boyfriend was Ronaldinho. In 2006, he sued her for telling the press he'd been partying and having wild sex with her every night during the World Cup matches.
I immediately assumed Tony Parker was a cad and Ronaldinho was an idiot - but I could understand why.
The photos on Paressant's MySpace site were dazzling - they showed a knockout with long, dark hair and legs that stretched for miles.
Here's what I didn't know:
1. None of the photos on MySpace were of Paressant. They were different shots of similar-looking models.
2. Alexandra never had a relationship with Ronaldinho, according to his lawyer, who is also his brother, and there's no indication she ever met Tony Parker.
way more after the jump, totally worth it…
Lat week, X17 Online claimed that San Antonio Spurs point guard Tony Parker was cheating on his wife, "Desperate Housewives" star Eva Longoria, with hot piece of ass model Alexandra Paressant. Parker vehemently denied these allegations and now he's suing X17 for 20 million.
In the lawsuit, filed today in L.A. County Superior Court, Parker alleges X17 defamed him, claiming, "X17 had to know that the story was false, or at the very least, it had to have entertained serious doubts about the credibility of its supposed source."
X17 published stories that French model Alexandra Paressant had "an affair with Mr. Eva Longoria and that the two carried on a secret relationship for about two months."
The suit states, "Tony Parker has never had sexual relations with a woman named Alexandra Paressant."
Implying that Parker could get a girl like Alexandra on her back is maybe the nicest thing anyone will ever say about him, so it's hard to know what he's so pissed off about. I'm sure this was Eva's idea. Her ego can't take it. Alexandra said Eva was boring in bed, that she didn't do certain positions and didn't do facials. Which sounds like she just lays there and complains. So basically fucking Eva Longoria is like fucking the pillow, except more whiny and more ugly. Hot, yes?
Model Alexandra Paressant has been claiming recently that she had an affair with Tony Parker, who married Eva Longoria in July, and now she has shown the press several private text messages from Parker as proof. Longoria's rep vehemently denied the allegations and tells Us magazine that their marriage is fantastic, but X17 Online says:
X17online also has “samples of what she says are text messages with Tony exchanged at the end of September, just after the two slept together, Alex claims, at the Park Hyatt (where Eva and Tony and their wedding party stayed!).”
He said that Eva sexually speaking does not want to do certain things. She does not want to make love in front of a mirror, does not like certain position and thinks that sperm gives acne”.
Wait, did that just say Eva thinks sperm causes acne. Well that's a damn lie. My sperm actually cures acne. It also relieves headaches, stress, cavities, astigmatism, vertigo, hunger, fear of flying, traffic at the mall, rainy days and death. One girl could even fly afterwards. Swear to God, man!
According to new reports out this morning, Eva Longoria might be the latest celebrity to have a sex tape leak out. The Sun UK says:
Rumours have been rife on the web that the saucy video exists and contains intimate scenes featuring the Desperate Housewives beauty and her NBA star hubby TONY PARKER.
Latest reports from the States suggest the video HAS made its way online, but only on paid for sites.
Downloading porn is a big part of my writing process, but I cant find this thing. I did find that porn is the greatest industry in the world though, because not only is wildly offensive racism tolerated, it's celebrated. Like movies about Latin girls, like Longoria, can all have themes where the girls are maids and you can say things like, I gotta churro you can lick bitch. And you can take Asian girls, no matter where they're from, and dress them up like geisha's and put chopsticks in their hair. I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that kind of thing isn't tolerated outside of porn. I dare you to go up to the hot Asian girl in your office, pull your eyes back and say, "I pay 5 dolla, you sucky sucky!" And then grab your balls, in case there was some misunderstanding. Go ahead. Do it. I have a lucky feeling. You're getting laid, bro.
A formal announcement is expected later today saying that Eva Longoira and Tony Parker, point guard for the San Antonio Spurs and her boyfriend of the past few years, are done. No reason has been given as yet, but Longoria is suspected of being less than faithful, and has been linked with Hayden Christensen and Jamie Foxx among others. And Parker just took it because he’s French. One time he threw down his beret in disgust and stormed away in his black Capri pants and striped shirt, but that was about it. Then she taught him a lesson by mooshing his croissants and he did a mime about crying. Jesus, no wonder they Spurs haven’t won in three years.
