It's always super uncomfortable when someone ugly tries to dress sexy.  You just end up complimenting their hat or their spelling and it all comes out like the kind of thing you would say to a Special Olympian as you sign their cast.  Tori Spelling looks like Admiral Ackbar, so in these pictures of her two nights ago in Vegas at the Pussycat Dolls Lounge, she looks like Admiral Ackbar that someone shoved boobs on.  Still, she'll get daddys money one day, so I'd still tear that shit up.  Because she's rich and I'm not a good person.  I dated a fat girl with braces in the fourth grade because her parents had a swimming pool, I'd sure as hell date this zombie for a billion dollars.  It's time to start looking out for number 1, baby!  I'M ABOUT ME!!!

I don't know why anyone would ever think that pregnant woman are creepy.  Just look how hot Tori Spelling is.  And I know what you're thinking.  "Well, she's always been super hot".  And of course you're right, but now she's just off the charts.  I think we're close enough now that I can admit this picture is getting me super turned on.  I can't be the only one.  I was looking at the picture and before I even knew it I was taking off my clothes, seduced by her eyes and sexy smile.  Oh yeah baby, yeah, you work it you sexy little bitch….

Tori Spelling will not be attending this Sunday's Emmy Awards ceremony, despite the fact that the show will feature a tribute to her father Aaron Spelling, who passed away in June.   Aaron famously doted on his only daughter, he and Tori were very close, but Toris mother Candy has practically banished Tori from the family since Aarons passing.  Tori has been almost completely cut from Aarons will and locked out of their Beverly Hills home.  IMDb says:

"They shut Tori out." Tori herself tells (Us Magazine), "I wasn't invited." A representative for Candy has hit back insisting, "Candy had nothing to do with who was invited" … A friend of Tori's adds, "Tori would love to pay tribute to her dad, but she's appalled she didn't get invited."

Umm, okay Candy.  We get it.  You're a greedy, mean spirited bitch and you don't like your daughter.  Enough already.  You normally only hear about stuff like this in stories with talking mice and handsome princes.  I have to assume Candys next plan involves poison apples and digging up Tori's childhood pets.